A
female
age
51-59,
*nlikelysiren
writes:How can I get my ex-boyfriend to leave me alone?He broke up with me by text message telling me that he has another girlfriend and a baby (news to me). He was never all that great as a boyfriend. We only dated for a couple of months.I thought he was my friend before we started a relationship. We sometimes see each other at work.I really feel that he isn't someone I want to speak to ever again. I don't want to even look at him. He said some very nasty things to me and behaved in the worst way to me. All of this happened after the company he worked for went down and his division was purchased by another company. I was really there for him. I feel like I was used and perhaps he was mainly eyeing my paycheck.We are both older, far older than most people in this forum but perhaps someone can help.Telling him to shut up doesn't help. Telling him I don't even want to look at him causes him to read something I don't mean into my words. He won't leave me alone. He makes puppydog eyes at me, waves everytime I accidently make eye contact. He makes every excuse to have a conversation with me.The man is delusional if he thinks that I will ever willingly go near him again. May be I am more willing to cut my losses than most but nothing I do gets the idea through his thick skull that I want him to leave me alone for good. I am not a 'no means yes kind of woman'. I am not going to forget that he was a dirt bag. Everything I try to do makes him want to talk to me more. I fortunately usually only cross paths with him once a month. But still I wish he would just avoid me. I have asked him to but apparently no request of mine no matter how small can be honored by this man. We don't need to talk in the course of work. I have done my best to burn my bridges with him but he won't shut up. How can I squash this problem for good?
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at work, broke up, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Thanks for your interesting update. The only way to remove this obnoxious man from your life is to forcibly removed yourself from his world and not to see him again.
You are quite an intelligent and wise person and I am sure , you will find a way to over come all this.
A
female
reader, unlikelysiren +, writes (26 April 2010):
unlikelysiren is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I wish I had been taking more care. The truth is that he wormed his way into my life when I was facing major surgery. Fortunately my tumor turned out to not be cancer but they were telling me it might be cancer. If it had been the cancer they thought it could be I would statistically be dead by now.So I guess my guard wasn't up.I was very ill after the surgery. They pretty much cut me in half. It just feels so slimy to be around someone who would kick a person when she is that far down.I just think if I talk to him at all I will just be setting myself up for some sort of twisted relationship game he will try to suck me into. He won't leave me alone. I actually would work in proximity to him more in the natural course of things but I take steps to stay away from him. This whole thing happened over a year and half ago. He doesn't take the hint ever. He just trys again the next time.This is just the kind of man who sucks you in by saying all of those little things that would endear you to him and then he turns it all around once he has snagged you.I have read all of those articles on how to get a man's attention and tried to either do the opposite or at least not accidently do anything that would make him interested.So most definately not the kind of man you want around. I have a new boyfriend but that does not deterr him in the least.I am dissappointed in myself and when I look at him I think 'what the hell were you thinking?'. Then on top of it he won't leave me alone no matter how many times I ask. I will be stuck in this division for another 2 or 3 years (and yes I should have thought of this before) but I have never dealt with a man who thinks that everytime I tell him to go away it is just some sort of plea for his attention. Most men just put you in the 'bitch' catagory and forget about it. This man puts on show of almost animal display behaviour everytime I am near. There seem to be four things. One is the 'wounded male display' (very elaborate). Second I get the 'here I am display' everything is done to catch my eye (very annoying). Third I get the 'please forgive me display' (makes me want to smack him). Fourth I get the 'Surely I have been punished enough and you will talk to me now' he rushes up and starts blathering stupid things (I start picturing myself putting my hand over his mouth). It's like being in high school.I turn my back to him. I answer him in monosylables. I can't seem to get through to him either verbally or nonverbally that I just wish to withdraw from any interaction. I guess there is no hope of stopping it on a lower level. Thanks for the input. A transfer is probably in my near future. What a nuisance!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (25 April 2010):
Thanks for your update. In retrospect, if you had open your eyes wide, you would have smell a rat.
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A
female
reader, unlikelysiren +, writes (25 April 2010):
unlikelysiren is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks it all is good advice. I do try not to look at him but the way my work area is set up he can walk into my field of vision before I realize he is there.
I'm not sure I care so much on the love relationship part. What pisses me off is that he obviously didn't care about my feelings as a human being at all and that I stupidly fell for it.
He treated me really poorly in the beginning of the break up and now a year later he is suddenly trying to worm his way back into my good graces.
The people I like to surround myself with are those who are just plain honest, cards on the table people. They tend are loyal to their friends. This man doesn fit the mold. He pretended to be that sort of person but he is not. I preferred it when he was giving me the cold shoulder and left me alone.
I'll be polite. I'll be civil but I have no desire to chit chat or catch up on each other's lives.
I have some exboyfriends who I still speak to and others I do not. I want to keep this one firmly in the second catagory. I think he is addicted to drama and would love to have one of those on again, off again yoyo type relationships with me. I'm the wrong woman for that
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (25 April 2010):
Try to minimize all contacts , avoid and ignore everything from him. Even if you see him , imagine he is invisible and pretend to walk by without giving him any chance to make any visible contact with him.Do not look at him at all. In time ,he will give up .
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