A
male
age
41-50,
*hillguy
writes:Hello,I need some advice about my situation. There is this older woman I am good friends with. We ended up having sex a while back. She told me that she really likes me but the situation is complicated. What she meant was her and her ex-boyfriend were trying to get back together. Guess what? They did get back together. She told me he is planning on moving out here real soon. She said they are planning to live with each other. But what I don't understand is as soon as she was on her way back from her vacation she gave me a call several times to let me know that she was on her way. Soon as she got back into town she gave me a call and wanted to see me as soon as I got off from work. While I was there her boyfriend called and she wanted me to be silent when she was on the phone. While she was on the phone she was trying to rush him off the so she can spend time with me. I ended up staying there for about two hours. Then the next few days she wanted to spend time with me and we did do that. While this is going on she is flirting with me and at the same time she tells me she is trying to avoid having sex no matter how much she enjoyed it. Now my thing is I don't mind being just her friend with benefits. But at the same time I do like this woman. Another thing is if I don't respond to her texts or answer the phone when she calls she gets upset. Talking about confusing mess. Her boyfriend is in town this week and I'm not going to even contact her at all. So what should I do? I know some people will say move on but it's hard to move on when we are real good friends. Also I like this woman and we have a connection. I was even thinking about not contacting her after the boyfriend leaves. Is that a good idea? I feel like I'm doing the chasing at times and she's enjoying it. I do notice when I don't respond to her calls/texts she gets upset when we do talk again, should I stay positive when she starts talking about her boyfriend? He wants to marry her but she said that she is not ready for that at all. I know one of her main reasons is me and she is feeling like shes being rushed. So how can I get her to focus on me more?Thanks
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flirt, friend with benefits, get back together, her ex, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Whether you call her or not, she wants you in her life. That says something about her relationship with her ex, something is missing. If you are with the right person, you feel complete. Maybe she's staying with him for financial reasons. You are doing all the right things by being passive. Find out what's missing in her ex and try to emphasize that you got something her ex doesn't.
A
male
reader, chillguy +, writes (16 February 2010):
chillguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have two last things that I want to get your opinion on. The first one is the continuation of the main topic and second is based on another issue.
1.Well I do recall last week she told me prior to us having our first sexual encounter her and her boyfriend were trying to work things out. Then she hit me with the bombshell that they got back together. As I stated before she wanted to spend time with me the whole weekend. I tried to make an attempt to have sex but she stopped me even though she really wanted to. She said she didn't want to feel guilty. Her boyfriend is here now visiting and of course she hasn't hit me up nor have I hit her up. I know once he leaves she will call me but I probably will not respond. So what do you think?
2.One thing I do believe I made a mistake was when I tried to contact her after her response in a text. It basically went like this: I told her I was coming by a few nights ago. She then hit me up a couple times wondering when I was coming.Then at the last minute I told her that I couldn't make it. She had taken what I said the wrong way and seemed like she was upset and replied back saying bye. I figured she was trying to cut ties with me so I hit her back a several times to let her know she took what I said the wrong way. She didn't respond because she fell asleep but the following day she replied back asking me why I sent the messages I sent. Even though the messages was explaining to her that she took things the wrong way and wishing her luck on something that was important to her. She initially didn't want to talk but ended up calling me anyway. Do you think I was in the wrong? If so, do you suggests that I fall waaay back now?
Thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): She needs to be honest with her boyfriend, herself and you. This thing is going to blow up and people are going to get hurt. Ask yourself if you would want to be treated the way she is treating this boyfriend. She knows he is going to move out to be with her and at the same time wants to be with you. That isn't fair to anybody. Have a straight talk with her that this is not right and then move on. It won't be easy, because you do really care for her, but you will be better off for it in the long run.
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A
male
reader, chillguy +, writes (16 February 2010):
chillguy is verified as being by the original poster of the question janniepeg,
Thanks for your response. She didn't me waiting o the phone for two hours. I was there for two or maybe more becuase she also cooked for me. She was on the phone with him between 5-10 minutes. She was trying to rush her boyfriend off the phone so she can spend time with me.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (16 February 2010):
I think she's a mess. Maybe the only way she could focus on you is when she's called to commit to a relationship. Her ex and you are both victims. I don't see you two as real good friends. I won't let a friend sit for 2 hours while talking on the phone. I doubt anyone on this forum likes this woman. What do you see in her?
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