How can I find out what is wrong without making her mad or falsely accusing her of something?

A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My same- sex partner is really really angry at me lately. Like blind rage angry. from zero to enraged in less than 10 secs.I have tried to ask what is wrong but that makes no difference. It doesnt seem to have a pattern apart from her wanting time alone (all of the time)She now spends most evenings ignoring me while she is on the computer or sits in the bedroom saying she needs time away from me. I get screamed at for forgetting something simple like to wash a bin out. I get called names that really hurt and spat on and she says she doesnt care. Today I had made a nice dinner for us and had it all planned but was told that she didnt want to have dinner with me because she can do what she wants( we live together)and I could eat alone even though she had seen the trouble I went to. I beginning to wonder ( maybe wrong tho)whether her anger may have anything to do with someone at her work that she is super friendly/ flirty with as she is always talks about them and then is angry at me during weekends or long periods away from work. She also gets angry when I try to initate sex in any way and says she hates it when I do something sexy or romantic. How can I find out what is wrong without making her mad or falsely accusing her of something?

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