A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid,soo, there's this guy (he's 25, and i'm 20) that i've hung out with a few times and have talked to nearly every single day since i met him a little over a month ago (only one day has gone by without us at least saying hii and asking what the other is up to). we've been getting along great--we talk about anything and everything, we make each other laugh...all that good stuff. he even surprised me by apparently trusting me enough to confide in me about a difficult issue that he was experiencing at work and asking me for my opinion about what he should do (when he has lots of friends his own age and they probably would have been able to help him out more than i was able to).like i said, we've hung out a few times...and during those times, we've shared some hugs and kisses and done some pretty hardcore flirting. he's always tickling me (i'm extremely ticklish) and smiling at me and looking into my eyes and playing with my hair...and whenever i'm talking to him, it's like he's hanging onto every single word i'm saying and really listening to me.the last time we hung out was sunday, and it had been about two weeks since we had seen each other. out of nowhere, he hugged me really tight and kissed me on the forehead and said, "i'm sorry it's been so long; there's no excuse for it."as you probably already guessed, i've taken quite a liking to him during the time i've known him. i want to know if he feels the same way about me, buuut i'm kind of horrible at "reading" people in situations like this--a lot of times, when i think someone likes me, they actually don't, and vice versa. soo, my first question for you is, do you think that he might have feelings for me?this guy and i have both agreed that we are not ready to get married at this point in our lives; we're both young, we're both trying to climb the ladder in our careers (he's a police officer, and i'm a journalist), and we're just not ready to take care of someone the way that we want to be able to in a marriage. and we are most DEFINITELY NOT ready to have children. even in spite of that, however, i'm not opposed to being involved in a relationship...and obviously, he's the one that i'm interested in being involved in a relationship with. how can i figure out if he would be interested in getting into a relationship with me? i know, i know--the obvious answer is to just ask him straight-out...but to be completely honest, i'm kind of too scared to do that. it's like i feel like i can tell this guy anything...except the fact that i like him and want to be with him. and i'm afraid that if he doesn't feel the same way, it's going to ruin the friendship that we've established...which is something i definitely don't want to ruin. and i REALLY don't want to come on too strong or anything like that.what is a subtle way to tell him how i feel and find out if he feels the same. and in the event that he doesn't, what steps should i take to preserve the friendship?any help is GREATLYY appreciated!!! ")
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female
reader, 1busybee +, writes (22 September 2012):
Just keep things going along the way they are going. Do not over analyze the friendship or new relationship. LET IT GROW. It will do so all on it's own. If he is interested in you he and you will find a way for things to work out. Obviously if he is intimate with you he likes you. If he does not ask to spend more time with you and that is what you want move on he is not what you want.
A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (21 September 2012):
 Well, if you still aren't sure about how he feels about you i guess he could rent a jumbo jet and have it drag a football-field sized banner saying "I like you", or get one of those neon signs, or find a puppy and attach a note to it's collar. Or shoot fireworks that spell out "I am interested in you" across the sky. Or take you on a helicopter ride to a remote island where he has written "you have a not-so-secret secret admirer" in the sand.
It probably seems clear to anyone reading your account that he clearly likes you. Provided there are no other pertinent issues keeping a relationship from being feasible (children, one of you living with your ex right now, long distance, etc.), then it seems you are probably both just scared to broached the subject. You don't have to start with a discussion of marriage or kids. Start from the beginning. The reason you date is to eventually answer those bigger questions. Actually, the basic reason you date is because you are particularly interested in someone and want to get to know them better and on a deeper level. You don't have to even answer those bigger questions if you don't want to. Take that pressure off the table. Be more casual about your approach.
Next time you two are making plans to do something together, just casually say "why don't we make it a date". And do it with a big smile, or lighthearted tone. Remember, you are only asking for something simple, nothing crazy or serious. And totally within reason, considering how you have been interacting.
If he seems uncomfortable with the added meaning (which seems HIGHLY unlikely), then that's okay too. Not like that will mean you wouldn't continue to be great friends.
You don't have to have some serious talk or ultimatum, just make that comment and let him respond. I don't think you will be disappointed.
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