A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Sorry this is gonna be long but your help will be intensely appreciated! ;)Story of my life...Before 13 years old: I was known as fun-loving, outgoing, talented and had many interests- sports, acting, dancing, singing etc. though I did have the potential to become a bit shy sometimes.Then I turned 13 and went to college.I went to college alone because all my friends went to other colleges/cities or were a year below me.Suddenly I became incredibly shy and insecure (puberty a factor probably). Most of my extra curriculars I stopped. And all my old best friends (except one) I stopped contact with.My best friend...Eventually I managed to make a new best friend. Only she was INREDIBLY MESSED UP. Ok like I love her as my friend but she really was seriously messed up. By this I mean - low self esteem, attention-seeking, overly hyper and happy at times, depressed at times, anorexic, bulemic, even a cutter at times, then after I managed to help her out of that- she got incredibly slutty...My 'outgoing-ness' crept back through my college years but it was hard as I'd had to be there for her through all those hard times and things and my whole life had basically been dedicated to helping her and not really myself. I took up some light extra curicular activites and made some more friends but never really got to commit to them or pursue them (the activites AND the friends) because Id had to focus on helping my best friend stop thinking herself ugly/making herself spew/cutting herself/allowing guys to use her etc.BF situation...From 13-16 she'd had maybe about 20 bfs- mostly all of who had cheated on her and then suddenly left her for someone 'hotter'. And then some she'd just gone out with for the sake of having a bf.Me? From 13-16, I'd been never dated and never kissed. I'd been asked out like 2 times. And I dont think they really even counted because one was by a guy that was obviously desperate and the other I think had been asked to ask me out by my friends (cringe...)Then- one summer- when I turned 16 (had been 16 and never dated or kissed) I met this guy. We were in a relationship for about 2 years. They were probbaly the happiest ones of my life. Then he dumped me. Of course I was heartbroken and devastated and everything for a while.But that was 6 months ago. My problem now is that I dont really know what to do with my life. I've helped my best friend and now she has an ok bf and still a bit of a low self esteem (and still a bit slutty and desperate) but not spewing/cutting/being depressed etc. and happy. But I'M not happy.Im 17 now- turning 18 very soon. And I cant help but feel that so much of my life has been wasted. Right now I just feel so unsatisfied with myself and my life and what ive been doing and everything and I just want so many things- my hobbies, my talents, friends that can help ME instead, and mostly (though I hate feeing this) a BOYFRIEND.The thing is- I'm not even 'ugly', 'dumb', 'talentless' or anything. I dont mean to sound up myself or anything but I know i am quite goodlooking, smart, caring, good at sports/dancing/acting/singing etc. When i go out I always get guys attention, at school I do well- get straight excellences in some subjects, at parties I get compliemnts for my singing, dancing etc. and people asking me am I taken? have a got a job? do I do dancing?and I tell them all no, haha no, oh uh no. NO.And later I think- why dont a have a bf? Why dont I have a job? Why dont I actually DO anything to better my talents and make something of myself to help myself??Reflecting now- the closest ive got to a guy recently is sleazy hitting on when they were drunk and I pushed them away, the only job experience I've have is like one sessiong of babysitting, and I've never taken dance classes, singing classes- any of my REAL interests (ive done classes my parents had me take for things I wasnt really into).And all of this just makes me feel like complete shit.And it gets me down at times though I dont think any of my friends know this. And it seems like oh easy I should just go out meet guys more, go apply for jobs, go sign up for classes. But its not that easy.See, I do go out- but everyones already got their little friend groups and most guys are taken or they just dont go for me unless they just want sex (to be honest I am quite goodlooking) but I want a relationship.Applying for jobs- I have basically no job experience at all and that makes things hard. Signing up for classes- they are either for complete amateurs, or much too advanced because you had to have had all those years of training...Lately Id just felt so detached from all my friends and I hate hate hate it- but I really want a bf- so much- so badly. I really just want to love and be loved and have that special kind of best friend who can help cheer me up and get my act together and motivate me to make something of my life and myself and use what I was given kind of thing.But I dont have ANY guy friends atm (all drifted away long ago especially when I had the bf)and drifitng away from all my close girl friends too.What should I Do??Help me please :(ALL and ANY answers/comments greatly appreciated thanks! :)
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anorexic, best friend, depressed, drunk, heartbroken, insecure, my ex, self esteem, shy Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaha thanks to yall for answering!
Thanks for the inspiration 'A female reader, pancakes rule +, writes (7 November 2009)'
and to 'A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009)'
Well good on ya for not settling for those dumb chicks then! Haa hope everything gets sweet for ya soon! (as I hope it does for me) Glad to have someone to relate to :D
Thanks ;)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): So today I was reflecting my own life and I'm realizing I have the same issues except I'm a guy. I am 17 and just feel like crap. I can't get a job, I have no work experience at all. Most of my acquaintances got jobs through contacts (Mom knows owner etc.). You're not alone. Quality of life for most teens is crap. And most guys only want girlfriends for sex, that is true, my closest friend that's ALL they do anymore. Quite annoying. I don't have a girlfriend mostly because I can't help but be a total asshole when they do something retarded. I hate morons with a burning passion. I'm eh.. Ok looking but I'd rather not deal with dramatic girls that don't know how to spell and use 'like' and 'f**k' every 3 words. I've had 2 gf's total. Both lasted less than 7 days. (ROFL I know.) Ohh well. I don't do any sports mostly because trying to get into a new sport that everyone has done for 5+ years would blow hard since I'm naturally no good at playing with balls (bwahaha joke.) So that kinda hurts the GF deal. Anyway I got off topic and really don't know if this helps. Cheerio!
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule  + ♥, writes (7 November 2009):
 It seems that you are down on everything, including yourself. Take the first step. Classes aren't all for either amateurs or experienced - you need to find a class for your own level. Get involved in something. So you've no work experience at 18? Millions of others are the same....but there's only one way to get experience. Get any job. You don't have to sign up for life. A few months means you'll have some experience. But feeling sorry for yourself is self-perpetuating and will stop you from doing anything at all. good luckxx
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