New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

How can I explain to my friends that she's a great girl, despite what I said earlier?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Health, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 September 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 13 September 2016)
A male Canada age 26-29, *ereforher writes:

When I was 9 years old I moved to a new town and my neighbour kissed me on the cheek and said that I was her boyfriend and she has pretty much been my life since then.

We dated for as long as I can remember, she was my first kiss, first girl I took on a date.

When we were in middle school we were inseparable. in high school we broke up a few times but always got back together.

I am a year older so when i graduated she was a senior in high school, I ended up cheating (just messed around didn't have sex, I think I just wanted to see what it was like to kiss another girl) and we ended up breaking up.

She wanted to get back at me so she dated a guy I hated.

He made sure to throw it in my face that he was sleeping with her. We ended up getting back together and for the next year we dated off and on.

In the that time she started talking to a guy online , they never met but talked a lot. I ended up going through some thing and battled with a lot of depression and mental health issues.

She was my biggest supporter. We have been through a lot with each other, my dad was abusive and she witnessed that , we ended up getting pregnant in high school and secretly had an abortion which was hard on both of us.

She is my best friend.

A few month ago we broke up and it got messy. we both said things we shouldn't have. I vents to a few of my friends and probably shouldn't have said everything I did but lately we have been taking again and all my friends think I'm nuts for even considering going back with her.

I can honest say I love her and even though we have had our ups and downs we were younger then and are more mature now.

How can I explain to my friends that she is a great girl ?

View related questions: abortion, best friend, broke up, got back together, neighbour

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2016):

Going back and forth is a cycle people go through when they don't know how to separate and move on. You are both better off being platonic friends and trying to date other people.

As a couple, you are becoming co-dependent and afraid to face the world on your own. You stick together because it's comfortable and safe; but you end-up breaking-up. Only coming back together when you can't seem to cope as single individuals.

I think you both have some growing-up to do, and you need to do it independently. I hope you are receiving regular treatment for your mental-health; so you will be comfortable moving on and able to establish healthy new relationships with other girls.

The awful things you told your friends about her can't be taken back. Besides, their opinions are irrelevant and unimportant; as far as she's concerned. You can only confess to them you were angry and only venting at the time, and most (if not all) of what you said wasn't true.

Time to focus on your education, choose a career, setting goals, and approaching manhood. Allow her to move on and work on becoming a strong woman without having to nursemaid you through your mental-health issues. You're both stuck in time; and still those two kids who became friends 9 plus years ago. Time is moving forward, and so should the both of you.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (13 September 2016):

janniepeg agony auntIf all your friends heard was the bad things you told them but they didn't know you cheated on her, then they would wonder why you got back with her. They would always be on your side. Sometimes friends are jealous of our relationships. Maybe when you were with her you didn't get enough time to spend with your friends. No need to say she's great, just say you both made mistakes and you matured. She was with you through your ups and downs. It only didn't work out because it was on and off and you didn't put your whole heart into it but now you are ready. Part of the success of your relationship is knowing when you should keep things inside because it means you respect your relationship when there's a certain amount of privacy. I am sure your girlfriend won't like it a bit if she knew you badmouthed her. I understand when you feel lonely and desperate your friends are there to support you but you can't take back what you said. Your friends will realize you made a good choice when your relationship becomes steady again. As for now, it's only natural they feel that way given the turbulent history of your relationship. Only through time you will rebuild trust and both of you have to commit after deciding that you can move past the grudges and forgive each other.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (12 September 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntTo be honest, OP, love isn't enough. You've cheated, she dated someone you hated for revenge. It's toxic. Things aren't any different, by the sounds of it. Just be friends and explain to your friends that you were angry and said things you shouldn't have.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 September 2016):

Honeypie agony auntTalk to her, be honest. And in the future?

Don't date her, just stick to being friends, if possible.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "How can I explain to my friends that she's a great girl, despite what I said earlier?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312646000020322!