A
female
age
30-35,
*ara89
writes:So i'm 21 and in my first long relationship and it's almost 6 months now. I'm white and I'm dating an Indian guy who asked me out after getting to know each other at school in chem class. The relationship is secret from his family which i totally respect. A couple weeks into our relationship he said he needs a break to think about it and he later told me it w as because he's scared of his situation with his family and that he could break my heart and hurt me later on because he'd be forced to break up with me if his family found out. He says he hates hurting people. He's really smart and takes many classes so his main focus is that. We hang out just about one or two times a week but see each other a little at school too. He told me he loves me too and then I told him i love too. Well, I kind of feel that I love him more...I'm always the first one to say it and I think i'm more affectionate and romantic too. He told me once overt text that he feels bad because it looks like i love him more than he does but that he can't tell cuz there's not love meter so we probably love each other the same. That made me a little sad. He didn't even know it's gonna be our 6 months. But he's a guy and i know even my dad forgets this stuff easily. I guess he's just not the romantic guy. And this is his first relationship too. He lost his virginity to me. I really love him and want it to work but I don't know what to do to get him to show his feelings more. Maybe he's scared to let himself love me completely because he knows if his parents find out this relationship is screwed. I can't tell if he's holding back. He told me he loves that i respect his situation and give him space with that and i'm not like other whining girls who need to hang out with their boyfriend every day. And yes, I'm cool with that now...we both have our own lives. I'm just so confused...does he not know how to show his feelings? cuz we talk a lot over text when we don't see each other so we tell each other a lot of stuff that way...maybe that's our comfort zone lol idk. I'm a little scared of falling out of love with him...But he's such a good guy I want it to work out in the end.
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female
reader, desirewhitefire  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 As a white woman who is in the process of divorcing her Indian husband, let me give you a bit of advice.
Get away. If he knows his family isn't going to take kindly to you, you need to say good bye. Don't think that you can prove his parents wrong and that you two can work it out. It's not going to work. Indian families are very loyal to each other and other Indian people, and most of them don't agree with the American lifestyle.
My mother in law is nice to my face, but the moment she gets a chance to bash me she runs her mouth like no tomorrow. She even told my husband that it's not too late and she could find a wife for him. And this is after I gave her a beautiful fair skinned grandson.
SO yeah, just break it off now. The only way it'll work is if his parents were ok with it from the beginning, or if he cuts himself off from his parents.
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