A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About a year and a half ago I started talking to someone online, and she quickly became my best friend and for about a year now, we have been roommates. The problem is that even before we moved in together, I have been in love with her. She knows I've had feelings for her, and we have messed around a few times, and for a while we were even sleeping the same bed and cuddling together, but I always told we were better as friends and eventually she even said I was like a brother to him.My friends told me it was a mistake to move in with her, but I did it anyway b/c I didn't think it'd be that bad, and I still had the hope that something good would come of it. She hasn't dated much since we became roommates, and he's never actually brought someone home (that im aware of), but she is on personals sites and talking to people online all the time and the times she has gone on dates it has made me jealous and upset.I haven't really dated anyone either, but if I've been out on a date, or out with friends, I get texts from her constantly. Sometimes random texts, sometimes she is trying to make me feel guilty for not spending time with her. All of my friends say I need to distance myself from her, but she is still my friend, and I still care about her and don't want to distance myself completely! I know I need to, but I don't know how. And I've tried to start dating again but I'm not really getting anywhere, and I still feel guilty when I am out with someone. My friends tell me that she probably doesnt feel any guilt with she is out with people, so I shouldnt worry about it. Basically, I am trying to find help with how to emotionally distance myself from him (so that I can get over her) but still being her friend. My lease isnt up yet so I can't really move out, and I'm afraid that if I try to spend time with other friends or otherwise be away from the apartment, she will get upset. I'm afraid of what would happen if I say I want to move out.What should I do?
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (22 July 2010):
 Man you use hes for shes and hims for hers a whole lot i hope she isnt a hypothetical he... she said your like a brother because she has a close bond with you closer then just friends... she probably loves you in some way just doesnt wasnt to say it you told her you want to be friends she probably doesnt like that mutch.... you cant emotionaly distance your self from her as long as you live with her and fantasize about her and cuddle wth her,,, you probably love her in some way and you both probably have soul ties with each other... you like her she likes you you allready live togather your both single and looking.... dude whipe the big L off your forehead tell her you dnt want to be friends you want to be more and move on from there or you could can be the L word and emotionaly distance your self from the girl thats probably the one..
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 She doesn't worry what you think when she goes on dates or hangs out with other people so you shouldn't either. I would try to move out of you can. There will surely be someone who could take over your lease. When you move out be honest tell her you can't live with her anymore as friends because you have feelings for her. Then walk away don't give her time to respond. Then you can move on with a clear conscience.
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