A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:There's this boy in one of my classes who clearly is interested in me. He goes out of his way to talk to me in the hallways, after class, walking into school...he even waits at my locker sometimes. I'm afraid I've inadvertently led him on a bit, though. I thought he was only interested in me as a friend so I was friendly to him as I would be to a prospective girl-friend, which is generally more than usual. I don't have many guy friends so I wasn't quite sure how to talk to him, so I went for just treating him like I do girls. He's a shy person, so he probably won't ask me out, but I also don't want to continue being too friendly to him and later have to crush his feelings. He's a very nice person and would be a good friend, but I'm just not interested in him romantically. How can I discourage his interest while still being kind to him and, if possible, remain friends?
View related questions:
crush, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2017): Hi, I'm the one who posted this question.
Thanks so much for your advice. It's helped a lot, I mean it. I just started ignoring everyone else making annoying comments and they backed off fairly quick.
I'm treating him like a normal classmate and he seems to have backed off a little but his feelings don't seem to be hurt.
Mission accomplished! (I hope.)
Thanks again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2017): If he is as shy as you say, it isn't likely he will get-up enough nerve to declare his feelings or ask you to be his girlfriend. He will continue to follow you about like a puppy to satisfy his crush. At this point, he is only happy to receive your attention and to let you know how much he likes you.
He has to learn to deal with being turned down by a girl. It is part of growing into manhood. He's not a baby anymore. He can't always have what he wants. It's probably not the first time a girl has placed him in the friend-zone; so don't try to read the future. or read his mind. He might be stronger than you think. He may be disappointed, but not being honest with him will drag things out; when he could be using this time to recover his feelings if they do get hurt. Yes, it will embarrass him to call him out; but this is part of growing-up for both of you.
Don't treat him like a baby or a girl. Please be honest, but kind. "I like you, but I hope you understand that I can only like you as a friend." Let him be the one to deal with his feelings. You're not his mother or sister, so leave it up to him to accept your offer to remain friends. He can decide if that's not enough and move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (14 May 2017):
 Given your age, could you think of something which would let him know he was not in the running to be a boyfriend while still being kind? Something like "I would never date anyone from school" or "I am not interested in dating yet", if either of these are applicable? Or "I have too much school work to have time for dating" or something else which would not sound quite like "I just don't fancy you"?
If he has a serious crush on you, he may find it difficult to remain friends with you, especially as he has obviously put in a lot of effort to talk to you, given that he is shy. Put yourself in his shoes and be kind but don't give him false hope. Rejection (giving AND taking) is part of growing up and is seldom easy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2017): You can be friends and I suggest you carry on being friendly to him because if you suddenly snub him and drop him you will get the label of being a bitch and this will put of prospective boyfriends.Ok you are not attracted to him but you are still aware that he is a person.So while he is around just be pleasant!If he wants to go on a date and you dont then just be unavailable in advance, but as you have few guy friends why drop him?You will get to know many guys just as friends as you go through life and it is only when it gets to the kissy kissy touchy feely stage that it counts as girlfriend and boyfriend!You dont sound as if you have a brother.If you did you would realise that guys are ordinary people and they are perfectly aware of this fact.If you are worried about him having an obssession with you then thats another matter.I would advise you against publicly humiliating him.Is there someone else you have your eye on?Why cant you have non romantic friends at your age?If you have to give him the I'm-not-interested chat then tell him you think of him like a brother but not as a boyfriend or partner!If you went out to a McDonalds or skatepark or such then just enjoy the activity and tell him that you like him as a friend but not as a boyfriend /girlfriend kind of thing!Dont allow others to wind you up about him because teenagers love to get a laugh out of anything.Just stay cool.He talks at your locker but you are not engaged to be married or to put it more plainly he is just a nice guy you dont fancy dating!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 May 2017):
 You cant. If he likes you as more than a friend, realize that to him this is not friendship; this is courting. So if he likes you as more than friends, the friendship is already lost, and you can not save it.
...............................
|
