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How can I deal with my sister-in-law's rude comments?

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 September 2012) 7 Answers - (Newest, 5 September 2012)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

How can I deal with my sister-in-law's rude comments?

I'm still in my second month of marriage and my husband's mother and brother are living with us currently, because they are repairing their home... It's only a matter of a few weeks until they move back to their home. The problem is with my sister in law (my husband's sister - married with 2 years old son... She came and stayed with us for several weeks,since we got back from our honeymoon till a few days ago). She wanted to spend the summer vacation with her mother and brothers. She came with her son, while her husband stayed at their home. At first, everything was ok. But I started to get annoyed of her rude comments. I first thought that I am being insecure and taking it personally, until that day when we were getting ready to go to the church, and she criticized my clothes, asking me to wear something more classy, and suggesting that my clothes are not suitable for church. I was very upset but didn't say any word. I didn't even give her attention, as if nobody is speaking. My husband answered and told her that he doesn't see anything wrong with my clothes and kind of told her in a polite way to leave me alone.

On the same day, my parents invited us and my husband's family (including her) to lunch in a restaurant. We went there and enjoyed our time and nothing went wrong. A few days later, she told me that she didn't like the lunch and that the restaurant service was so bad. Isn't it rude of her to say that in front of me, since it was my parents' invitation... I am sick with her rude comments...

View related questions: insecure, sister in law

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (5 September 2012):

Stayc63088 agony auntShe is obviously a very unhappy person. If you don't feel comfortable speaking with her then do as the other aunts said and ignore her completely. Personally I would say something to the effect of this in response to her insulting my clothes. "Are you okay? People who feel the need to insult someone else or say rude things unnecessarily are typically very unhappy and insecure. You are coming off as a mean, jealous and rude person. Thought I'd let you know, and I'm sorry you are so unhappy."

It's not insulting to her but it gets the point across that you won't be talked to however she wants and will likely make her think about how she is. It's where she is insulting you and trying to bring you down yet you feel pity for her. Hard to swallow.

But it's up to you and what you feel comfortable saying or not saying to her. I don't really care to stand in silence while someone insults me but that's just me. Either way don't take her insults to heart. She wants to bring you down because she is jealous. She will be out of your hair soon enough and try to avoid her as much as possible in the future.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (5 September 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntsometimes folks are just negative about everything.

best thing to do: kill her with kindness....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 September 2012):

Honeypie agony auntTake the high road. Obviously your SIL is a little jealous of you. I'm glad to head your husband stood up to her.

What can you do? Let it go. Just accept this this woman is petty. It's who she is. Avoid as much as possible but enjoy the rest of his family.

The more you ignore her the bigger the chance is she will stop. I think she is trying to create some "excitement" in her life and making drama with you might be one outlet.

Is she fairly young? Because she sounds incredibly entitled and immature.

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A female reader, blonde30s United Kingdom +, writes (5 September 2012):

blonde30s agony aunti would just let it go and show her your not bothered by what she says. do what you think is right for you and wear whatever you like that makes you feel good about yourself and comfortable. dont let anyone put you down. ignore her.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (5 September 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt Stiff upper lip, ignore her comments as if she has never talked, do not do or say anything that may create / get you involved in drama. Hey, it is only a matter of few more weeks after all, hang in there, soon it all will be just a (bad ) memory. The world is full of rude people and unluckily you chanced into one very close home. But at least your husband is on your side and is not afraid to support you and defend you openly even if the offender is his own sister- that means a lot and is not as usual as one could think.

From now on, though, if I were you I would still be polite and respectful if it is necessary that you and your SIL get together- but I would make sure it is only necessary as seldom as possible. No long vacations together, no extended visists of weeks... talk to your husband and I am sure he will help you nip these eventualities in the bud.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (5 September 2012):

Anonymous 123 agony auntShe's just trying to make you feel uncomfortable and bad, and if you give in, then she's succeeded. I think your sister-in-law is jealous of you and this is how she's showing it.

You have 2 options. Either completely ignore her or give it back as good as you get. I personally think the first option is a better one, for now at least. Just ignore what she says, don't take it to heart and keep telling yourself that her words, thoughts and opinions don't matter to you. You should be enjoying your marriage, not fretting over someone as insignificant as her! Of course if things get too bad then you should always give it back to her and shut her up.

What does your husband have to say about this?

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (5 September 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntThere are often some people in our lives who it is best for us to ignore (them). Your sister-in-law sounds like on of them....

Good luck....

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