A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone,Need good advices from you all beautiful people here.My long distance bf and I were 2 yrs now and yet am still dealing when he gets lonely.Though we haven't met yet but planning before end of this year. Were both busy with our careers but my problem is I need to really explain to him that there are times when we needed to be on our own to do our normal life.We have arguments sometimes during week ends because he always want me to be around chatting with him. But due to our time difference when its very late at his end I ask if he could go to bed and get some rest while I'll do my house choirs. Anyway we can always chat again the next day even in the office. But he gets clingy that even to that he wants to watch me on web cam doing my stuffs he doesnt mind waiting even if hes tired cos he is happy being with me always.Do I really need to deal everytime he gets lonely there? I understand how much he loves me but I have my life to deal here too being a single mum spent time with my daughter and do stuffs at home. How can I tell him without offending that it doesnt mean Im chasing him away. I just want to focus my work at home and not worrying he is there waiting for me. After all were always online updating each other. I love him but he gets upset if I tell him I like to be alone sometimes and No its not about space but just a little time for myself without him. Is this wrong? I really appreciate your advice. Thanks a lot.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (14 September 2008):
 He wants "normal" to mean "with him". He's feeling a terrible emptiness because of your separation, and there is nothing else that's going to fill this need except contact with you.
I do hope that the two of you have some sort of a plan to get together permanently eventually. If not, he'll probably go into some sort of melt-down before this is over.
Sooner or later, preferably sooner, the two of you are going to have to agree on some sort of reasonable schedule and structure for your contacts. You're going to have to tell him that you love him and want to spend all the time you can with him, but that you have other responsibilities, especially to your daughter, and you need to spend some time concentrating on them, too. It's not that you love him any less, but part of what he loves about you is your sense of responsibility, so he must let you discharge those responsibilities. Then negotiate a definite schedule for when the two of you can be on the webcam and on the phone. And stick to it. Once there is that structure in place you should be able to give yourself time for what you need to do while taking care of his needs as best you can.
But in the long run, if this is going to work out, relocation is the only answer. If that's not on your minds, you two are making a big mistake.
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