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How can I deal with missing her in a LDR?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Long distance, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 March 2017) 7 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2017)
A male United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

So my girlfriend and I have been together for 5 months and we're madly in love with each other, we plan on getting married next year actually.She's 17 and i'm 18. She lives in Stockton and I live in Sacramento. I haven't seen her for a month because her mom is strict and she works a lot and has school. Basically, it's because of her mom being strict and not letting her see me because of chores, work, and homework. Her mom likes me and all, it's just my girlfriend and her don't have the best relationship. We plan on seeing each other in a couple days, but it still hurts so much to be away from her. I physically hurt when she's not with me and she has the same feeling. What are some solutions other than facetime and stuff to make it hurt less?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (30 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntWhats the rush with getting married? You are both still very young and weddings are quite expensive. I guess her mother doesn't want her to throw away her future so she is trying to keep you both apart. I know it is difficult but once this year off school is over you can move in together and enjoy each others company. For now respect her mothers wishes and keep in contact via face time for the time being.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (20 March 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntI'm glad to hear you both intend continuing with your studies after you and your girlfriend are married .... are you planning a wedding with guests or a ceremony with just you, her and a pair of witnesses? Who is going to pay for that?

Once you are married and both attending the same college classes where will you live? Who is going to pay for that? Who is going to pay for college, and your books, fees, pens, internet, lunches and clothes?

Hve you fully considered what being a married man entails, sure you get to be with the one you love but somebody has to put their hand in the pocket to pay ordinary, everyday living expenses.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (20 March 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntWe don't fully mature until about 25 years old, which is why marrying before that isn't a good idea. The best thing to do is to reduce the distance by going to the same college (if that's what you were both going to do before meeting), then move in together when you've both finished college and marry a couple of years later.

That way, you've spent time close to each other before moving in, then time living together before marrying. If you marry before even living together for a year, it'll put a massive strain on the marriage and you'll find sides of each other you didn't even know about.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2017):

And also after college I'm going active duty security forces then we'll be able to live on base and stuff

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2017):

Well we're going to the same college and we're studying the same subject. I'll be in the Air Force reserves as well

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (20 March 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntMarrying so young and so soon is unwise. Moving in together would be a better plan. Being in an LDR is hard, but you should be in a closed distance relationship for at least a year before marrying.

Focus on work, studying and hobbies. Distract yourself. You don't want to rush things.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (20 March 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntThe best way to deal with being apart is to keep busy, such as getting a part time job or taking up a hobby or getting involved in a sport.

I am more concerned at your plans to marry next year, when you will both be very young, have you thought that through thoroughly?

Have you considered if you will be continuing your studies?

Will your girlfriend continue studying once you are married?

What sort of jobs do you think you will be able to find?

How will you support yourselves after you are married, who supports you both financially now?

Where will you live, how will you get to work, what sort of advancement will there be in your chosen careers, what if you fall pregnant before you plan to, how are you going to find somewhere to live and then furnish it, what sort of wedding are you planning, who is going to pay for that?

All very important questions, perhaps, while you are waiting for the time you can speak with your girlfriend, you could put some thought towards answering them.

I wish you both well, but sincerely hope you put all thoughts of marriage off for a few years, I doubt very much either of you are fully prepared for it.

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