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How can I deal with her stresses in life which mean I don't get as much attention from her as I would like?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 July 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 7 November 2010)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 year off and on. She has a 2 yr old son and is in nursing school and has two jobs. She is usually stressed out a lot and because of this she has broken up with me twice and then later wanted to get back together after one month and then after two. Usually when I know she is getting stressed and thinks she cant handle a relationship she usually becomes very distant and eventually ends things. The second time she wanted back i told her that I only would if she can try to overcome the stress or at least let me be there for her. She does a good job with it at first but then things usually build up too much.

So lately I can tell her getting like this but i notice a difference this time around and that she is actually trying to make the relationship work despite everything, which is really good and i am not really worried about her ending things again.

But what i need help with is how to I cope with these things? It is hard and sometimes hurtful for me to see her like this and have the feeling in the back of my mind that things will go south again, but this time i will let it be for good should it happen.

My question is what are somethings that i can do to 1. personally accept the lack of attention i have been getting (for instance i ask her to go out on a date night and she says she is too busy for fun) and 2. How to I show her that I am there for her and understand her situation (even when she says i cant understand what she is going through)?

View related questions: get back together

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A male reader, Latino201 United States +, writes (7 November 2010):

Tough one. I'm wondering why she is working 2 jobs? I'm assuming she has to pay her own rent and children are expensive. If I were you,I would look into a babysitter once in a while.. someone who she trusts, maybe a family member. Offer to pay for it so you can free up some of her time.. take her on a date etc. Also, maybe find out if she has other ambitions.. maybe she can find a single job that pays better, possibly take some online courses or the same type of work but better pay. Lastly.. she might be waiting for you to commit to her in some ways.. really be there for her. After 2 years.. maybe speak about getting a place together or sharing expenses. Seems she is really trying to get ahead and be a responsible mother. Best of luck.

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