A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I need some help in convincing my partner, (should be ex-partner by now) that our relationship is over.We were together just over 4 years and we split up last November. We decided to get back together early January but split again in the middle of February. The usual things happened when the relationship had hit rock bottom and I finally ended things, amicably, mid-May - or so I thought.He then started texting me saying that he still wanted to try and work things out but my true feelings for us, as a couple, have gone. I'd really value his friendship but I know now that I couldn't offer him more than that.I've said that I don't have enough feelings for us to get back together several times but he just doesn't seem to get it, how can I really make it clear as he still keeps thinking that with time we'll get back together?Hope someone has been in the same situation. Thanks.
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female
reader, LauraE +, writes (23 July 2007):
Hi,
It’s the old cliché – cruel to be kind. He so wants to get back with you that he will see any friendly contact from you as a sign that you still care in some way. OK, you do care as a mate, but he just can’t see it like that. The fact that you got back together once has given him hope that will be difficult for him to get over. So now that you have tried to tell him you are just mates, and it’s failed, I can think of 2 options.
1. REALLY tell him that it’s over. Meet him, look him in the eye and tell him that there is absolutely no chance of you ever feeling for him in a romantic way again. Tell him it’s nothing to do with problems between you or misunderstandings, you just don’t love him anymore. Do not get into a discussion about it , just be pleasant but firm. And then leave. This might work if you have been a bit subtle about it in the past in an attempt to soften the blow.
2. If you know you have been blunt enough in the past, stop being mates for a while. You don’t have to fall out with him or be unkind about it. Just always be busy, don’t answer his calls, or texts, or emails. If you bump into each other by accident, smile but move on quickly.
Both of these are hard to do to someone that you like, but you will be doing him a favour because until he realises that there is no going back, he can’t go forward either. You can shorten the time that this takes. Best of luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): Basically he seems obsessed with you..trying to forget some one is hard,but the braking up bit is even harder,its best you learn to ignore his texts or tell him your occupied You just have to cut his life line off to you, if worst comes to worst don't even see him as a mate untill he's gotten out of that state..maybe if he see's you dating he'll understand its actually over..good luck x
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