A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Don't really know where to start with this but ill just give it a shot.Basically I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he cheated on me at the beginning and I forgive him. The problem is the girl he had his affair with would not let it go and continues to harass me to this day it really hurts but it's gotten to the point were I am feeling frustrated by this situation. I just don't know what I did to deserve this.So anyways me and my partner decided we needed to have a break from our child so we decided to have a night out live music food the works. So basically he got really drunk and it turned into a heated argument.He then went on to say I deserved this and that he cheated because he wanted to get revenge on me because at the beginning of the relationship my ex boyfriend turned up and wanted to stay. My now partner is claiming that he doesn't believe nothing happened I have tried to reassure him that nothing did but he doesn't believe me. All I told my ex partner that night was I was moving on with my new boyfriend.Then to add insult to injury he told me he had only been sticking it out for the past year because of our child and that he had never felt as if I had given enough love to our relationship. I told him its been hard for me to love him as I've been sad but I do indeed love him and want things to workSadly after all the things he said last night how can I even go on he's basically said he cheated for revenge and justified it with that what annoys me is it went on for ages and he even met her parents and spent my money on meals for her as he wasn't working and I was blissfully unaware and giving him money so he could treat himself.Should I just call it a day? I'm not saying I've been a angel in this relationship but now he's saying he loves me and what he said last night was only because he was drunk and he felt bad and he meant none of it.If he did all this for revenge well he showed me didn't he I've shown him nothing but compassion from day one and this is how I am rewarded.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (20 November 2012):
 There is a lot of bad history here and whether your boyfriend was being honest / truthful when he was drunk (or just vile) remains to be seen. I am sure there is some level of truth in his drunken words, however. Sadly, what he said cannot be easily taken back. As we like to say, "Those are fighting words" and he may have completely broken your relationship.
It sounds like he is trying to do damage control and he probably only half realizes the extent of damage he caused. I would like to remind you that words are cheap, actions are priceless. If you take some time and really think about the man that your boyfriend is, today, do they add up to venom that was spewed out this past weekend? You need to determine for yourself how much truth was in his words. Were you egging him on to say those things or was it the unbridled, unabated truth?
You may find it useful to seek out couple's counseling. A therapist may be able to dig up more hidden truths and determine whether you guys are a viable pair. With the history of his cheating / revenge, and other things that may come up, you may realize he, or both of you are, are not capable of a mature relationship despite your child. Especially if he resorts to having sex with others to score revenge.
Ultimately, the decision is yours on what you do, but do take some "cooling" off time before making a decision. I do think there is tremendously MORE going on than just this incident and you'll need to sort it out in your own head given his new revelations.
Eddie
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): He cheats on you, throws it in your face & says you deserve it....Leave him. And as far as the girl who is harassing you, I'd talk to the police & see legally what they can do. Don't allow it.
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