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female
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*ightAngel
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been in an on/off relationship for about three years. Although recently he's been mentioning kids and marriage in the future, I find it hard to trust or believe that it'll work out. I've been hurt in the past (not from him, but from another ex) who promised a life together, and I was very hopeful, but in the end it didn't work out and took a long time for me get over. My recent boyfriend left me all the times before because he simply wasn't ready for that kind of serious commitment. How can I put my guard down, so I can remain hopeful to the idea but not 100% attached to it? Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, PeanutButter  + ♥, writes (4 November 2009):
 Unfortunately there is no real answer as to how you can let your guard down and be hopeful with this guy, but that doesn't mean there isn't a bright future for you both. You can't base your current relationship on a relationship you've had in the past that didn't work out - all people and relationships are different and you have to give trust to each new one until that trust is broken. The fact that your partner has left you 3 times is more than enough to knock your confidence in him and i would think that he is the main reason you are doubting your future together, not the previous relationship. It is just unfortunate that you've had to endure so many knocks. The only thing you can do, if the relationship is going to work at all, is to put 100% faith and trust in him and in the future you're supposed to be heading for together. If he is serious about a future with you the worst thing you could do is lay doubt at his door or else it will be like the little boy who cried wolf - the time he means it, you'll be the one pushing him away. If you really feel like you can't get the groove back with this guy and can't put 100% trust back in him, then you wouldn't be the first person to be in that situation. You might have to have a heart to heart with him, tell him how you feel and seriously discuss your futures together. You are partly to blame for his repeated leaving and returning - once he'd learned he could do this once, twice, a third time, he probably became confident that it didn't matter if he left, you'd have him back. You need to make sure he's aware of his own actions and let him know you love him and want a future with him and be sure that if he does this to you a 4th time, you have to move on and say enough is enough. None of us can ever know what is going through someone elses head 24/7, all we can do is trust in them and hope it works out. I hope it works out for youxxx
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