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How can I be sure I took her virginity?

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 January 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 7 January 2008)
A male South Africa age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Before I met my girlfriend she was almost raped,a guy forced himself on her,but didn`t penetrate very far(just about the head),she was a virgin and she bled.

A year ago, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time,she told me afterwards that i broke her virginity,because she felt awkward sensation inside her vagine afterwards.

How can I be sure that I broke her virginity

Yours sincerely

Too Late

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008):

dude, who cares if she bled from a rape!

'virginity' does not mean just sex, when a girl gives her virginity to you (which this girl did) shes saying 'hey i love this guy, i want him so much im gonna have sex with him', losing your virginity means having consentual sex for the first time. not when girls first bleed.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008):

What you must understand is this woman did not consent to sex with anyone else, but was raped. Although she may not physically be a virgin (e.g. she bled), you are the first guy she has given herself too. I personally find it a little selfish for you to even question her virginity. If she had it her way, she wouldn't have been raped. And i agree with the female reader below, who says 'What the hell does it matter!! hasnt she been through enough.' Instead of making an issue about this, you should comfort her by making her feel as though you took her virginity, and not the person who raped her. I'd have to say she is going through a lot more than you are right now, so quite simply, get over it and move on...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008):

I totally understand your feelings of wanting to be her first. That's a pretty normal feeling.

But I don't see why it matters in this case if her actual "first" was done against her will.

Maybe your culture/family/religion says that it's important that she remained a virgin even including not being raped. But when you forget about the "rules" in this, what does that other experience actually mean to you & her? A rape says absolutely nothing about her morality because she never even decided to have sex that time. And she didn't have an experience anything remotely like consensual sex with him either. You didn't say she was pregnant and you didn't say she had any diseases from this either. So what does it really amount to?

The fact that there might have been the tip of another guy's penis touching her vagina for a few moments does not change her whole life. I guarantee you that it was not any sort of amazing sexual feeling for her when it happened. It was probably nothing more than a brief, scary, painful, traumatic moment in her life that she'd like to forget.

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A male reader, onix South Africa +, writes (4 January 2008):

The reason I am so worried about taking her virginity is because she is my first girlfriend, and she will be the one i marry, before her i have not even kissed a girl.I just want to stop feeling so insecure.

Yours Sincerely

Too Late

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2008):

Jamer70 agony aunti agree with tellulah here. Shes not a car in which you want to be the first owner. Whether she was raped or not thats more than enough to go through and you hoping you "broke her virginity" is something uneeded and frankly sickening to think you can think of her like that after what she has been through

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A female reader, chrissy32789 United States +, writes (4 January 2008):

chrissy32789 agony auntThere is no way to really know if you took it from her beacuase some girls bleed and some dont so you are just going to have to take her word on it, but she was raped and no matter how far he did or did not go in her she lost her virginity, but that is no reason to be mad at her if she told you that you took it from her because i was raped at 10 yrs old but i didnt want my virgintity to be taking but when i meet my husband it was like i had it back and thats what she wants it was not her fault that she is not a virgin but just let it go and dont worry about it

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2008):

TELLULAH agony auntHow can you be sure YOU took her virginity. What the hell does it matter!! hasnt she been through enough. She obviously loves you, so why even think about it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008):

Im sorry to say that the man that raped her did take her virginity, no matter how far it went in, but you were the man she gave herself to, and she obviously loves you, so you need to focus on that, forget your past and enjoy your future together

Best of luck

love hannah xxxx

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