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How am I supposed to have sex with someone who could be paralyzed from the waist down?!

Tagged as: Health, Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 April 2008) 14 Answers - (Newest, 23 May 2008)
A female United States age 18-21, *anixcuntxface writes:

okayy. my boyfriend went to the doctor like 2 days ago. They said a disk in his back was out of place and if he plays any sports or messes up his back in anyway he will become paralyzed (sp?)from the waist down. when he told me that i tryed to persuade him not to play football (he has a game today). he said he was playing and thats final. i don't want a wheel chair boyfriend, i do love him more than anything...but what do u do with some one who's paralyzed? im not gonna break up with him because i know i cudnt be happy with any one else. but i dont know what to do about this situation. Im not having actual sexx yet (we cyber and have fone sexx as not to get into too much trouble) but when i do want to have real sex then what? can you have sex with some one who's fucked up from the waist down? is there anything we could do thats close to that? if we had oral or sumthin would he get anything out of it? i dont know what to do about this at all. i love him so much and i know he loves me. he recently bought me a ring ^.^ and even though we're REALLY young we have talked about marriage....xD so what do I do when i feel like having sex? i dont want to do it with any one else...and i was saving my virginity for him!!! I DONT WANNA DIE A VIRGIN

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008):

Well i am a paraplegic of 4 years now and at first i was terrified to have sex. Not being able to feel ANYTHING i was scared i would be frustrated and my boyfriend would leave me. Before my accident we were a very sexual couple and sex was the perfect way to spend the night. It got to a point where ppl were jealous of our realtionship. After my accident, one of my first questions for my doctor was how or what i would be able to do. He explained to me that i pretty much would not feel anything but its what i taught my body to react to. At first i do have to admit it was terrifyig and hard as hell to do anything. With my dead legs and not really being able to do all the things that we used i started trying to make exuses not to have sex. After a few months of not doing anything sexual and pretending our relationship was ok, i gave up and broke down. My boyfriend finally put his foot down and said we had to try. We started trying new things and i found out places on my body that really turned me on. I loved when he would explain what he was doing and he would lift my legs so that i could see what it was he was doing. Touching my chest was my new number one thing and kissing was amazing. Now that were married, I still love our sexual life and i would never change anything about it. I cant say i dont miss the real feeling but this is my reality now and im pleased with it. Its funny becasue we always try new things and even though they all feel the same for me, it makes me happy that he is not fed up with me and enjoys it as well.

I know this is not a guys point of veiw but i hope it helled you. Its a very scary thing to go through and it might not work for all people but as long as there is a strong love connection between the two of you it will work out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

My boyfriend is paralyzed from the waist down now, but we did have a great sex life before this happened. I love him with all my heart because of his goals in life his ability to still have a life, but as far as sex I'm not sure his dr said they can put a rode in his penis and we both agreed that wouldnt work because I don't want him to go through anymore surgery. Right now we live in different states and he feels like I wont want him because he wont be able to satisfy me, right now I use a vibrator and I'm afraid that I will get really frustrated once were together that sex is not apart of our marriage, but what matters is love and if you can love a man that much then you will find ways to please one another. He is talking about his dr about the pills to keep him hard, the dr told him not to take viagra because his penis could get blood clots and burst since he cant feel it, but there are other ways don't worry. Just because he's paralyzed doesnt mean he doesnt deserve a partner to be happy with so talk to one another about the positive instead of the negative and believe that miracles can happen. That's what keeps me hopeful

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008):

You said he's more interested in sex than you are... Could he be saying this to get you to sleep with him sooner?

It just doesn't quite make sense.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008):

Is he making it up for a bit of attention? Am I the only one who doesn't quite believe the one in a million chance thing?

Would any sane person risk their health that way?

And surely if the chances of him becoming paralyzed were so high, he would be in hospital or something by his doctor? And why don't his parents know/do something about this?

It doesn't quite ring true.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States + , writes (24 April 2008):

TasteofIndia agony auntTisha and Laura were totally right. Call his parents, call his coaches. He definitely shouldn't be playing if it's a serious risk to his health - and getting paralyzed is a ENORMOUS risk. I'm absolutely positive that his coach won't allow him to play and his parents most certainly won't allow him to either.

He sounds like a very strong person, and you sound like a very sweet girlfriend. Definitely go straight to the people who CAN stop him and don't leave it up to him... otherwise, he'll go and play and maybe damage himself permanently. You'll be doing the right thing, sweetness.

Good luck!

xx India

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (24 April 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntHe should not be playing against the doctor's orders.

If he were to take a direct hit, it would aggravate his situation and anything can happen.

Better to take precautions than regret for life.

It is not wise to play against the doctor's advise..

Tell him not to be stubborn or stupid.

If he does not listen , tell his coach....

He may hate you for it but you will save him from any potential and dangerous injuries.

He can play many football games when he is O.K.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008):

You sound very immature. You said the chances of him not getting paralyzed are one in a million. How do you know that? I'm sure his dictor didn't say that. If he gets paralyzed, I highly doubt you'll "die a virgin" how old are you, 13? You won't be with him forever even if he doesn't get paralyzed. By the time you hit highschool, you'll both want to see other people anyways. No, he wouldn't be able to feel oral or have sex if he was paralyzed.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (23 April 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntDid you tell his coach or talk to his parent? That's the best thing to do, you can leave a voicemail for the coach, I'm sure you have the number for your bf so you can talk with his parents!!!!!

Go call and then report back, you know what to do now, you don't have to say that you don't know what to do!

What time does the game start?

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A female reader, Danixcuntxface United States +, writes (23 April 2008):

Danixcuntxface is verified as being by the original poster of the question

IM NOT SELFISH....he's more intrested in sex than me. im aking this fer him. i've been crying all day trying to figure out what to do. im so worried about him i dont know what to do.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (23 April 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntI'm amazed that he would be allowed to play football; his parents and his coaches would make sure that he was on the sidelines.

If you want to help, tell the school coach or trainer of his diagnosis, right away! It's very important that they have all the facts! And discuss his situation with his parents, they must know that he's thinking of playing football with this serious medical condition. Call them tonight to let them know what he told you.

It's not really important what your plans for him are, it's much more important that the football team coaches are aware of this very tricky disk problem!!!

Good luck, and let us know what his parents and the coaches report to you!!!!

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A female reader, Danixcuntxface United States +, writes (23 April 2008):

Danixcuntxface is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Uhmmmm....i already told him how i felt and he told me he NEEDED to play.its just one game. and its football! the chances of him not getting paralyzed is like 1 in a million! i guess id be okayy if we end up never having sex. id just have to lie to ppl about being a virgin....but i RLLY RLLY dont want to see him in a wheel chair. it would hurt me to look at him.

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A female reader, smeedle United Kingdom +, writes (23 April 2008):

smeedle agony auntOk, first off this is his life, I can understand why he has gone to the game, he is still in the acceptance stage and so is kicking back and refusing to think about the if`s, but`s and mayby`s. He is young and so thinks he is infalable.

You cannot do anything about what he may or maynot do, yes you are thinking ahead to the worst case scenario but he is in denial and this is not at all helpfull to either of you.

Step back and think about how he is feeling, he needs you to be by his side, and to be supportive and not putting him in the wheelchair he may never have.

If he does end up paralised then you will then have to make the decisions, but you will have the facts of his future capabilities in the sexual area, you can make informed decisions with him and if needed you can talk to a sex therapist who will discuss sexual alternatives to penatration with you.

If you love him then you will step back and just support him at this awful time for him and stop thinking about what may not happen and stop being selfish as that is what you are. This is happening to him and not you!!

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A female reader, Susan Strict United Kingdom +, writes (23 April 2008):

Susan Strict agony auntFirst, he's not paralyzed yet, is he? He may never be, and even if he were, then you would cope with it if you love him.

As far as sex goes, that's the least of the problems for you - and more particularly the least of the problems for him if it were to happen.

"what do u do with some one who's paralyzed?" you said. Lots, is the answer. And there are experts who will tell you all about it if and when you need them to tell you. Right now you don't need that. Use your imagination. It's not impossible, and there are many thousands of people who have very satisfying sex lives when one or other of them can't manage it in the conventional way for one reason or another.

Go on loving him; save that virginity until you are both ready and the time is right; and try to persuade him not to do anything silly that the doctors have advised against.

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A male reader, salvation United Kingdom +, writes (23 April 2008):

you need to tell him these things you really need to explain to him how it makes you. It sounds like you love each other a lot so he will listen to you once he sees its upsetting you

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