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How, exactly do you know you love someone? I mean the real, solid, deep love?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Love stories<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 April 2007) 57 Answers - (Newest, 4 March 2011)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

This'll probably sound stupid and I'm sure it's been asked before, but how is it exactly that you know you love someone? I mean real, solid, deep love.

I believe deep down that I love my boyfriend, and I want to tell him - but I also don't want to say it before knowing that I'm 100% sure. And I have no clue how to be sure about it.

I think it's because of my age, everyone says that I am too young to know what love is, so I'm questioning my own feelings. Then people also say "If you need to ask you're not in love" which also makes me think maybe I don't truly love him, because I'm questioning it.

I guess since I'm only 18 I have a hard time judging it, especially since he's the first man I've ever felt this way about. These feelings have been stirring and built up since I was 15 years old when we first became friends. Three years later he's my boyfriend and the feelings are stronger than ever - there's this sense of security, comfort and happiness I feel with him - the only thing missing is the "L" part. I always thought I loved him. I think I do love him, I just can't be sure I suppose.

Any advice?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011):

hmmm very hard.

Being in love can be fun and exciting and a GREAT laugh at first..with physical attraction and sex playing the big roles. Its 'romantic' love. Its great but its more of a shallow immature type of love. After all, who marries someone because they're great in bed or know how to have a party?

Generally, the romantic love fades in any relationship and the relationship either ends due to incompatibility, or the love is replaced or enhanced by a more deep,meaningful caring, and sympathetic type of love for one another. Its like you 'see' each other for who each other is. If one is unhappy about something, the other person cant be happy and will do their best to support or make them feel better. Its like in the killers song 'I don't shine if you don't shine'. :)

There a committment there. And with commitment u need maturiry. Maturity comes from the eventual understanding that life cannot constantly be 'fun' and 'Carefree' but can have meaning in other more intimate ways. You give each other security, happyness and you both respect each others boundaries and will be there for one another through the good and the bad. Its like a BEST BEST friend who makes effort with u and vice versa.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011):

I think love is more than just butterflies. Sure there is the honeymoon stage when all you want to do is be with that person the one who makes you feel amazing and are everything for you. There is a point after that are both willing to. Its a feeling that is beyond any emotion. You care about that person becuase you want them to do better. You love being around them not because of the butterflies or something you fill but because you value their opinion and being around them makes you both happy content and at ease with all your problems. Most importantly this person has to be your friend and a true friend at that you agree with them not because you want to but because you agree with them. You enjoy being with them because that person is the company you choose. Most of all you respect them because he or she is an amazing person and you know this because of their opinions and beliefs.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011):

I am a boy myself, so as i figured out love is a feeling you have temporary like all other feelings it goes away. But you realised again when you love someone, when you leave him. I had love for 2 years for my girlfriend its gone now, but when i wake up i think of her all the time and i am just happy with her. I can talk about her everything. Real love is for everybody different but the feelings always get lesser because u get used to it.

I hope my answer helped you a bit. I thought about love also different but i gues its just a feeling people dont understand someone. Its there, but you dont feel it untill you 'break up' or take your distance then you realise what you have.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011):

I don't think love has a set meaning. I'm pretty sure I love the boy I'm with now.. I'm only 14 but still. He is the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning. He's in all my dreams. I can tell him anything, and we have conversations like I've never had before. He says the necest and deepest things to me and even his friends look at him differently. Everytime I see him I get butterflies and automaticly smile. When ever my phone lights up and his name is there I get so happy. I don't know if it's love but if it's not I'm sure he'll be the one I end up loving.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010):

When you ask someone else how do you know when you love someone? Because you wouldn't have asked if you didn't love that person or even thought about asking someone if you didn't.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010):

Love is different for everyone and to be honest,I dont think that age has anything to do with it. I mean if your a 12 year old girl and all that.. but still. When you love someone its like they become your life in a sense. Like for once in your life there is someone there that you know no matter what you do they will be there and be by your side no matter what you do. Love is different for everyone though questioning it in my opinion is normal becase we dont want to set ourselves up for heart break you know.. But im sure you have heard that when your struggeling with a personal problem or question you know that deep down inside you know the answer and thats what you need to do think about it about what it is that makes him the one for you. Love is never a set thing. it changes sizes shapes and colors. Hope this helps a bit

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010):

Well, I never felt love before. Actually I never really been in real relationship either. It started June 6,2010. I met this Guy wen I went out of state for work. We exchange numbers looking at each other as just friends. We have talked about everything, from our past, to something simple. It has been almost for months nd we are still talking. We have not seen each other since I first met him due to the fact he stays in another state. He is the first person I think about wen I wake up in the morning. He always talking about how much h will take care of me, just the sound of his voice makes me smile nd every time I get off the phone my heart aches because I want to say "I love you" but I am scared he wont say it back because we're both scared to say the "L" word so feeling each other a whole lot. Should I just express how I feel? I know this feeling is not lust, we haven't actually had sex but we both just want to be in each others presence.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010):

Well, there's no real way to tell if love is real. Like, people will tell you all kinds of things like "you'll know you're in love when you completely trust someone," or "you'll know because you get this imaginary feeling in your gut whenever they're around." The bottom line is, the only sure fire way to know you're in love is to let go off all the extra outer questions like "Am I too young?" or "What can deter me from my thoughts?" and go to your own feelings. If it's real, you'll know, without a whole list of requirements to lay the groundwork for you

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010):

i think that i love him, i say this because we have mutual understanding and bond. We're the best of friends and lovers. Were honest with one another. I can never be mad at him for too long. He kisses me passionately. Always compliments me and hugs me. I just think that theres a pedestal that im on and he respects me. If i ask him something he'll give me an honest opinion and i accept him for who he is. I admire his genuine personality and always want his friendship is anything. I miss him alot when he's gone and think about him. When we are intimate it makes us closer too because hes running threw me. Literally and im on fire. I just want to marry him one day because whether we dont see each other for months at a time we always have that feeling as though we saw each other yesterday and were crazy about each other.

Thats love with my babe.

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A male reader, rolfen Lebanon +, writes (22 August 2010):

rolfen agony auntI am wondering the same question, and there are some answers I found recurrently and have to agree with:

- You feel like sacrificing everything for that person, for their well-being or for being next to them.

- You love to see them smile (it makes you happy).

- It puts you in a mess when you don't know what's happening to them and you feel shut out of their life and you worry a lot about them.

Now here are some things I could add, from my own experience:

- You always feel like you have something to tell, something that you missed, something that you can't tell...

Basically, you're in sync with that person's feelings.

There are probably other things, but I identify with these above. Yet, sometimes people say they love each other without all this, and even I do sometimes. All this would make me a liar with my current girlfriend. I do feel something for her, probably lots of tenderness, more then I ever felt for anyone, and - I cant really define it - respect and admiration for who she is. It's just like a warmer, and more human, and more down to earth relationship, at least for me, then my ex, who was my mystical dream girl until she left me for another guy telling me that I am a looser and should get the fuck out of her life.

But that doesn't make me feel much better inside. But hey, that's life, maybe it doesn't stop at love, but you have many more things to see!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010):

If you think you love him and you will do anything for him and even if that means that he will be happy than you LOVE him. We were both completely miserable not being together.

When he looks into my eyes, I can see forever. I can see that he loves me.

The way he kisses me, ever so passionately.

The way he’s always gentle when we’re making love.

The way he puts my needs before his own.

When i’m away from him, I feel like i’m not with a part of myself.

We can’t stay fighting.

Even though we fight constantly, we always end up saying how much we love each other, and everything we just said is forgotten because it doesn’t even matter.

When my whole world is falling apart, at the end of the day, all I need is to hear his voice to know everything’s okay.

You love him....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010):

I believe when you love someone, its hard to produce words around them because of the strong feelings that you have for them. Maybe its only that way when you arent dating them though but idk really how you know if oyu love someone..i wish i knew what real love felt like so i could know if the "love" i have for my bf is true =[

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010):

I am only 14 and everybody says that I am to young to be in love but I really am. I've been in love with my boyfriend for as long as I can remember and he loves me back. Don't think about your age just think...Would I do anything for him? If the answer is yes then you are smitten :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010):

what do you mean the "(L)" part??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010):

dont question. if you think you do then you probably do. if he makes you feel good and you do things for eachother and love eachother no matter what. Then you really love him and you shouldnt be scared to say it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010):

In reply to "Male Anonomous", it is obvious that you have strong feelings for this girl, but you must remember there is a large grey area between lust and love at times. Without knowing enough details, it is hard to judge but my suggestion would be to write a list of what you like about this girl, ask yourself is this feeling based on looks or personality or both? sometimes a strong attraction to someone can shield your judgement. If this is real love, be sure that she respects you. you sound like a great guy, don't get caught up in emotions, think irrationally and do not make sacrifices that affect your life, ie. employment. If it is love, try to gauge her feelings for you before acting on your feelings. Hope this helps.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010):

Hey I came on here to find out whether I love someone too. We have been very good friends for a couple of months. Originally I really fancied her in a healthy way, but having spent time together, talking about anything I can honestly say I have developed strong feelings for her. She told me that she was struggling to find work, so I looked around for vacancies in jobs she wants to do and helped her apply, even handed in the applications for her as deadlines were tight. We even have nicknames for each other, private jokes which to anyone elese would seem weird, but we understand them. I love looking into her eyes, and making her smile. My problem is, does she feel the same? I'm too scared of damaging our friendship, I know I want to help, support her and be with her forever. I would even jack in my promising career to go wherever she wants to. Am I in love?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010):

love isnt a maybe thing, you just know.

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A female reader, heyitscarissaa United States +, writes (11 January 2010):

heyitscarissaa agony auntI think everybody asks that question. I know i do all the time. I was told that its when you want to Provide and Protect someone. It isn't a feeling that you get because if you have been in a long relationship, those feelings develop into something else and fade, but when you truly love someone it isn't the feelings, its the actions. Words mean nothing in the end. If he/she does stuff for you and thinks about you, doesn't make you do anything you don't want to do, respects your ways and learns to love your flaws. That has to be love. I have learned though that you have to do that with yourself too, if you cant love yourself. Then how do you expect someone else to love you? And it does take two. So its really based on opinion. I know that if i love someone enough, ill do anything to make them happy, but if it is negative toward me, then they are asking too much and they probably don't love me back. Does that make sense?

Love is also a two way street. Give and take, give and take. If your giving and hes just taking, and its not balanced like it should be, He doesn't love you. Because when you love someone you want to give them the world. And if he doesn't want to give you the world, there is someone out there who will(:

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010):

You truly love someone when you know that with this person you can truly be yourself unlike with anyone else.

When no matter the time you spent apart from this person, a day, a week ,a month, a year, or even many years you still think of them and miss them the same way and when you do finally get to talk again it feels like you have never been apart.

It's when no matter how hot or sweet the guy at work or sitting next to you in class is you can't even force yourself to feel anything for him because to you he can't compare to your beloved.

It's when you don't see the person you love as some sort of prince charming but when you see both his good points AND bad points and accept him the way he is.

I could keep on writing because love is really hard to discribe. But I will stop here. I hope this gives some picture of what it's like. I found it and I hope you do too.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010):

age deosn't define the word love.we all are born with love inside of us.some jus cant never find that 1 person to share it with.we all should know as human when we are in love with some one.if you been friends with some one before you made it official you should have a head start as far as knowing what kind of person he or she is.we some time question our self ,when we are not sure when we are in love but to remind you it takes 2 to be in love.so if you are falling for someone because he or she treats you with respect,always their for you when you need them,some one who you can count on 2 help you make it through the ups and down and more.Then thats fine but you both have to have that connection in oder for you to begin even falling in love.my point is you dont always have to wait for a man to tell you i love you ,if thats how you feel then feel free 2 express yourself.but just remember u have to an idea of how that person feels about you.good luck to you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010):

you dont love him..its only infatuation

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010):

I know exactly how u feel i mean i am only thirteen and i think i am in love hes my ex boyfriend and he still talks to me all the time like we were dating again hes still my bestfriend and hes my bestfriends neighbor so we alwasy hang out ive dreamt how i tell him how i feel and we feel the exact same way and were together forever i really just want to tell him how i feel but im afraid my dream will be wound up misleading i think its lovw when u see them and u get butterflies and u miss them when your not with them and when u hug or kiss him and u never want to let him go

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009):

can you fall in love at the age of 13?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009):

may be I cant really make your way out of this troublesome qs but surely one thing I say that if there is something that even makes you think that do you really love him then that doubt what you got tells you are not loving him but you are just rationalising your feelings to your senses and logical database

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A female reader, tamtohot United States +, writes (26 December 2009):

tamtohot agony aunthell I'm44 and I'm still not sure. and I get hurt over and over again and again

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009):

Okay im 13 but I know what you mean most of the questions on here are kinda explaining it but here's mine; You are excited, close, and ALWAYS happy about seeing your friend. One way is when you think about him you get a tingling feeling inside

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009):

yea man i feel what your talkin about about dude just tell him and if he feels the same way you have nothing to worry about dude.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009):

~I't hurts is stings so bad~

I ask god why.. why why love her why .. why some one that does not work for this relation ship to work.

why give her so much power over me it feels like I'm daying every second I get hurt from the on I love. and even so I still love her.

I ask my self and god and any one that think he or she can anser why I love her why feel so much for one person that I onely know for a few month's.

is it the making of love, that's so perfect is that it? I ask my self No. No! no it is not because when I think about her I think about the time I spend whit her not the love making ..!! and her smile and knowing that I .. I was there... . and I saw her smile ... and I did that I made that happen and how I feeeeeel when I'm around her and knowing how she is knowing every thing about her , I would change my self just to be able to be whit her I fight every living cell in my body that tels me to stop ..go back forget her move on ....... ..... and I folow .. I folow my heart how could my heart betray my body like this how could my own heart hurt me risk my helth my life.

put my life in pane and sufering ... .. . .. .

does it mater does it faze her when I tell her tonight I ask my self ......... ... ... ..

I gues I will find out tonight I hope god will hold my hand wile I walk this path... .. amen!!

Jordan

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009):

i agree with alot of you regarding love, when you really love another person you would do anything to make them happy and make their life easier even if all of those things does not make your life easier, but you will always be happy because you are doing those things for the one person that you love. i was married for 17 yrs and i can honestly say that i was maybe happy for only a few, mostly my own fault. we divorced then i met a man that i was crazy about,,we moved in together and over time i fell in love with him there was nothing that i would not do for him. there was some things that i did not like but those were minor things compared to the love that i felt for him. i loved him unconditionally, and always thought that he felt the same way, everyone thought that we had a perfect relationship...he treated me like a queen...the most caring man that i knew. this went on for four yrs till one day out of the blue i found out that he was cheating on me with another nurse that we work with. i was so devasted. i had been happier with him in the four yrs than i was in my whole life, i truly loved him and forgave him and was willing to work through it but he just up and left me for her, said that he fell in love with her. so what i am saying it does not matter how much you love someone and they say that they love you, you can never be sure because you dont really know how the person that you love is being totally honest with you. i think it is better to let someone love you than for you to love them because if you truly love someone it gives them the power to destroy you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008):

I AM IN LOVE.

You know this when you will do anything for him. Stay by his side during sickness. When you miss him uncontrollably, when it hurts to not be with him but you stop to wonder how he's feeling. When you would give up everything to see him smile. When you look into his eyes and you lose yourself. When he holds you and you fall and then there's only you two.

I hope you've found love.

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A female reader, SinceaSenior United States +, writes (31 August 2008):

My answer to "How exactly do you know you love someone?", is in form of a true story. In 1986 I met a wonderful guy in high school my senior year. We spent lunch and free periods in the Library together when we became friends. Called each others houses. Our friendship was not like most, our inner circle of friends new we were friends, just not how close. It took on some silent aspects that we kept to ourselves. He was someone I could confide in and was comfortable talking to, always made me smile, and I was always happy to be with him. I knew inside I felt something more for him, it was stronger than anything I ever felt before,and can say that to this day. Do to situations in our lives, I neglected to tell him of my feelings. I've always regretted it. He went in to the Navy soon after graduation. We lost touch for a great many years. Truth was I never stopped thinking about him, worrying about him, and wishing I had told him of my feelings. Sometime later we reconnected via Classmates.com and chatted on icq for a good while. When he told me he was getting married my heart fell a thousand depths bellow my feet. Soon after that he was deployed to Alaska. We lost touch again for another great many years. I kept looking for him through Classmates.com, mutual friends and classmates, and others I knew that were in the navy as well. I continued to worry about him every night,so much so it brought tears to my eyes. I knew in my heart that I loved this man. I tried to carry on with my everyday life still worrying about him,praying that nothing awful had happen to him in the Navy. Also excepting that he had someone in his life and he was happy. One month ago to my I received and email. I recognized whom it was by the email heading. I was in such shock it took me a good five minutes to open it. My hands shook and my heart pounded.

We conversed back and forth to find out that over the years each other had parted ways from prior marriages and relationships. We traveled back and forth to see each other over the coming weeks. When I first saw him again I could not even explain the feelings I had. I hugged him so tight, and didn't want ever to let go. The time we spent together over those weeks just made the feelings I had from high school even stronger. Not wanting to feel the regret I told him how I felt then, and how I still felt. Before I could even control what came out of my mouth I told him I love him. His reaction was you love what could have been, or love the idea. I said know, I love you for who you were in high school, the man you are now, and the man you will be tomorrow. I love you for your flaws and quirks. I also made it clear to him, that I did not want to miss another day in life without him in mine, that I would give up what I had to to be with him. In short, I got to speak the words left unspoken I once regretted leaving unspoken. Only leaving me to regret that I spoke them at the wrong time now. I know in my heart,soul, and mind that I love him with all I am. He knows that now as well. Fear has a way of making us foolish in heart mind and words. I can only hope in time things will resolve themselves. Until then I have to let go of the one man I know I truly love.

You know you truly love someone when your heart aches so bad without that someone in your life you feel lost,and confused. Knowing that tomorrow, you would do anything for that person. Men are and will be always of the unknown to women. Timing is everything with them! I am glad he now knows the truth. Time can only tell what it will or will not bring.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008):

well ,there is nothing to be afraid of ,if you think you love someone just tell him/her it wont kill you ,love is a relative feeling ,maybe you'll say i love him/her then you realize that you love someone more ,the defintion of love differ from person to person ,but to me its when you want that person safe and unharmed ,you want him/her to be happy no matter what and you'll never want to stop looking or talking to her/him and when you are around them you just want the time to stop and be togather forever ,and you feel that you are talking to your mind ,no secrets no worrys no nothing just love ,well thats just me and maybe your love is different ,but i have one advise though ,just say it so you wont regret it even if you didnt like the reaction ,cause it will just give you experince either way even if you were crushed for a while ,on the other side you could be the happiest person alive ,life is too short everybody so just live it with no regrets .

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008):

i believe you truly love someone when you have seen both the good and bad in them, when you've had arguments and tears, periods of time away from each other, the most amazing time in your life. and if they still make you feel like the only person on the planet that matters, i believe that you truly love that person. :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2008):

i think you should just go for it and say it if you don't soon it might not be able to happen so just tell him and if he love you back then you know its right.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008):

I am not sure of wat love is that y i came here to find it out myself. My situation is kinda similar in a way that i also feel am still to young to be doing this but i know i lov him and dnt want to lose him but am already losing him( I think). It rili hurts me

I also agree that love is wen u just want be around d person and share thing wit the person, u open up to the person like an an healing wound and also think about the person most of the time.

I think u should tell him u love him if u rili think u locve him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008):

You know you love someone when you forgive every flaw and go back to them no matter what. You will also give up anything for them or just to be with them. Even your dreams. I've been dancing for 15 years and its my passion. I was going to Disney to dance for 4,000 dollars a day for the summer and I gave up my dream for him. When your willing to sacrafice and actually give up the most important things to you then you love that person. But actually giving it up or saying somethings not enough. You have to constantly prove it. People talk big but when it comes time they normally aren't willing. My boyfriends made me give up friends because he was jealous and has said he would change many times but hasn't. I still can't leave him because I love him so much. When you truly love someone you can't let go no matter what the circumstances.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008):

theres no such thing as love.

only lust, and the fact that your brain gets attached to them.

people that try and describe it are waisting there time.

plain and simple!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008):

hey your story is so funny because it is so similar to mine! I met a guy about 5 years ago now and I liked him a lot and he liked me too...the only problem was he was four years older than me. we never dated...i moved on still having feelings for him and dated someone else but still was thinking about him all of the time... we ran into each other 4 years down the road and we have been happily dating for a year! i feel like i can relate to you because of the way you knew him for so long....to answer your question about love when you know you know there is no question about it i promise!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

u kno ur in love when all u think about is him, when ur in bed u want to be with him, when ur alone u want him, when ur having fun with your friends u want him there, amd when u r with him u feel like u can never be to close to him even when ur huggin him as tight as you can.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):

You don't know when your in love.It's something that you shouldn't even talk about...I mean I thought love was caring for someone knowing from right and wrong. Sharing emotions..Learning from your mistakes and flaws from one another, but really, how can you REALLY EXPLAIN LOVE..Falling in love or whatever..Lust...those are just URGES.

Love is like the wind. You can't see it, but you can feel it. Taking risks even if you get your heart broken. The other person may not love you back, but you can't help it. Even if that person CHEATS on you or lie to you more than 10 times and your still hanging. Thinking about every single detail from you and that person. Crying yourself to sleep and waking up crying. Can't do anything...but wait. Showing your true self to that person. Losing everything you have...but still wait..never thinking negative about anything towards what you feel. Thinking every second,minute,hour,day that passes till that day is done. repeats the same thing the next day. still waiting...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):

look him in de eye and really see if u love him

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008):

You know you love some1 when you realize thats all u think about, i mean its not really something you can question.. your heart just knows it. its a feeling beyond words.. and its very easy shown as well. if ppl tell you all the time, that you seem so good together, and you believe that then its true. your in love. im 18 and feel so in love right now.. i actually think i found "the one"..33

CHEERS TO LOVE! =]]

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008):

hmmm,according to me,what you are actually feeling is nothing else but love..18yrs is not too young to fall in love,i'm 18yrs old and have just fallen in love..if you feel that you are the happiest girl ever when you are with your boyfrind,or you feel protected in his arms,or you just keep thinking of him wherever you are,then yes,this is love..and i can even bet on that

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A male reader, twoexcess Australia +, writes (13 July 2008):

love comes in many shapes and forms...

true love is a very powerful form of love in reference to a relationship you know that they are the one when you want no body else at all, only a few species in the animal kingdom have shown this love eg a chimpanzee has been known to mourn the loss of its young.

the love you are refering to is a passionate love when indeed they are the one you want and humans are the only ones who have these levels of emotions.

ok to the point you will know in your mind that he is the one. do not dwell on negative aspects that some have brought up on "it wont last" because a true love is eternal... even if down the road you part ways you will know its the most purest form of love when you will still go out on a limb for them when you part ways. my personal philosophical way is "TAKE EACH DAY AS IT COMES" for you dont know what will happen on the following... you may have expectations and they may come into fruition. follow your heart and soul it will guide you on this. no one can answer for you but yourself and you will know its like no other feeling in the world...but do not confuse it with your lust....lust is a chemical and psychological want.... love in its pure form is seeing them for who they are and embracing every last fault and flaw. in this way you see them as "perfect" not in a true wording but in your heart.

smile and enjoy what you have and let it grow... time is required like nurturing life itself and they go hand in hand... love requires time to grow...just be patient.

i still have not found my true love at 32. i thought i did once but it wasnt as far as i know even though i care for that person strongly still its more a loving friendship.

just remember this if they make you smile just at the thought of them.... its a good sign :)

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A female reader, starfairy United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2008):

starfairy agony auntI think real love is getting through that puppy love lust phase, staying together after the honeymoon perioud has fizzled out a bit, seeing someone's bad points and still wanting to be with them, still caring for them, wanting to look after them.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

You'll know that you love him when hes the only thing you think about when you go to sleep and when you wake up and it really doesnt matter what you do your always thinking about him. And ur really going to know when your willing to do anything for him and when you put his needs before yours and when you go through hell and back for him and when you put up with alot of bullshit and drama for him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008):

look it doesnt matter how old you are and if you want to tell that person that you are in love with them you should

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008):

I NEED some advice!!! i have a boyfriend and his almost perfect..everything i've always wanted...but im confunsed..how do i know i love him trully..or how do i know if i am in love with the idea of a relationship!!!!! help meee i will trully apreciate it!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007):

Love has no age....when you reach teen years it is hard to judge. but to be honest it feels pointless to get into a relationship when everyone around you is telling you that it won't last forever....hey maybe it won't maybe it will don't focus on that right now, just focus on loving that person with all your heart and take love day by day never focus on the end or else you will never begin, there has to be a start. Good Luck!

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (12 May 2007):

AskEve agony auntTo love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love" with them but of course this can't be, they love the idea of who they are but if they've never met them then it's just a crush or infatuation.

Real love on the other hand is very different. If you truly love someone then you respect them for who they are, warts and all. You want to look after them and protect them, you look out for them and put them first. You feel happy and content in their company and enjoy being together. Above all you can be yourself when you're with them. You never try to be anything more or someone different because you don't need to. You don't have to impress them to win them over and you never have to play games to make them like you. There is trust and understanding on both sides and you feel safe and secure within yourself. You would never undermine them, they are not someone in whose company you feel threatened or small. They are someone with whom you can share your innermost thoughts and worries, a person with whom you should be able to share anything, they are your friend and your confidante and you can be honest with them at all times, you can tell them anything because they love you as you are.

He/she may be someone who is the direct opposite of you. On the surface you may seem like chalk and cheese. Whilst you may be loud and forceful they may be quiet and thoughtful. You may come from different backgrounds, different countries or be twenty years apart but this doesn't matter. There is an unspoken language between you, the spiritual connection between you both is so deep that you seem to be able to communicate without even speaking to each other. You are happy to lie in silence together. You feel sometimes that there is no need to talk because you feel that you know what they are thinking anyway. You feel so close to them that sometimes you think you could almost read their mind. You know when they are worried, in pain, or sad just by looking at them. It is as though there exists some kind of telepathy between you.

Real love stands the test of time, you laugh together, cry together and even have your differences but this doesn't matter, you love that person AND their failings. You come together in a crisis and work through things together and this just brings you closer. You take their feelings into consideration in all that you do. They are the most important person in your life!

Eve

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007):

You may very well love him. At your age, love is not always meant to last or turn into the real deal, the true commitment because you have a lot of growing up to do.

Real and lasting love does feel secure, comfortable, and safe. Love is really not just a feeling though, of course you want those loving feelings to be present, that said, it is really a "decision" based on the knowledge that you are willing to BE a loving person for your partner and worthy of love. You are willing to make sacrifices for thier happiness and often put their needs ahead of your own.

Usually at 18, we aren't really ready or capable of making that kind of solid committment....so don't make the mistake of thinking this is the be all end all of relationships for you. He is your first love and that is very sweet and very special, and if you want to tell him how you feel, there is nothing wrong with that. Just don't expect things to change or become solid just because you confessed your deeper feelings....Enjoy your friendship, enjoy each other and be careful of your heart and his.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007):

Love is a big illusion created in the minds of people by media and entertainment industry. If you are talking about unconditional love, it is hard to find in this world. Most kind of scenarios where people call themselves to be in love is really something based on if's and but's. When there is no reasoning involved, that would be the true deep love you are talking about.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007):

Hi dear!

You sound very mature. You are not the only one questioning you own feelings. And also older people my never be 100 % sure about their feelings. It could be because of your age. I once read one should not get married befor the age of 21 because before you are 21 you are not experienced enough to really know what love is and if you really love your boyfriend. But 21 is just a rule of thumb. A lot are not mature enough for that when they are 30. Others may be allready when they are 18.

To questioning your own feelings very much helps you to not run into something. And you are right since you are only 18 you have a hard time judging it, especially since he is the first man you have ever felt this way about. Therefor don't hurry. You have all the time to find out.

To exactly know that you love someone, you first need to know what real, solid, deep love is. I try to explane you what I learnt about it.

There is a big difference between falling in love and real, solid, deep love.

Falling in love just happens to you. You can't really controll it yourselfe. It is like beeing on drugs. The hormones in your body tell you what to do and are reigning your feelings. You can compare it with beeing drunk. The alcohol in your body makes you happy and you can forget your problems.

Real love is different. It is the decision to want the best for someone and to make this person happy. The feelings are different to the feelings of falling in love, and you don't allways feel anything. But the cheerful feelings will come back again. This is not the case with falling in love. This feelings for one person you will only have a few month ore years, but they will not come back in the same form. Maybe they will come back later for an other person. But then you know, this are just hormones in your body. And you don't have to bother about it because you allready made your decision for the person you really love.

So real, solid, deep love is a decision for one person. And because it is a decision you can tell your partner you love him, also you may don't feel anything.

This may sounds weird. I suggest you go to a book shop and buy some books about releationships. If you would like to have a suggestion for a book, you can make a note on this page.

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A female reader, BABY-FACE United States +, writes (14 April 2007):

BABY-FACE agony aunthey girl..well i have a wonderfull b.f well soon fiance..im young too.but i kno hes tha one.. well u want to kno what real love is..aight well me and my b.f belive that truely love would be when you would die for this person..you would take a bulliton for them..but the MOAT IMNPORTANT PART OF THIS WHOLE THING IS .. HAVE U EVER THOUGHT WHAT IF HE DIED ?? WOULD YOU WAIT FOR HIM.. OR MOVE ON AND LOOK FOR AN OTHER GUY?? this is where you truely find out if this is love..if your willing to wait for him, for who knows how many years..untile you die...THAT MA GURL IS LOVE...TRUE LOVE.. because if its true love,that strong feeling you feel for that person will never ever die..even if hes w/ you or not..that is love..and if u met an other guy,better than your man. btter looking, w/ better things to offer you, would u leave him..theres an other obsticle to face to see if what u have is real love..if its real love. you wouldnt care about no other male but him,he has to be all your world...no other males in your mind...and after you thought about this really well...and think if u would do these things..and u want to know if he really loves you too, ask your partner these questions....and you will find out if he really loves you too..ask him hard questions like this..and for both of you to answer them honestly..never lie to yourself..because it will only hurt you....see real love is hard to find these days..no one is real any more.. its all about sex, drugs and money.. there is not love..real love... good luck : )

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A male reader, DrCynic United States +, writes (14 April 2007):

DrCynic agony auntIf you're asking us this, then you're not 100% sure... If that's what you're waiting for, then you're not ready to tell him.

However... The only person who can know if you're truly in love is you... Ask yourself if you can't live without this person in your life... If you feel you can't go on without him, then you are in love.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007):

the best advice i can give you is to picture how you would feel if things between you got really bad. If you think you would make it through that, then there is a step two. I knoe it sounds cliche, but picture yourself sitting in a rocking chair, knitting. Is he the old man in the chair next to you? Or are you bored of him? To me love is the closure of knowing that this is the person you were put on this earth to be with. If that is how you feel, then discuss it with him. See if he feels the same way. That is exactly what fixed my relationship when things got bad.

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