A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:This'll probably sound stupid and I'm sure it's been asked before, but how is it exactly that you know you love someone? I mean real, solid, deep love.I believe deep down that I love my boyfriend, and I want to tell him - but I also don't want to say it before knowing that I'm 100% sure. And I have no clue how to be sure about it. I think it's because of my age, everyone says that I am too young to know what love is, so I'm questioning my own feelings. Then people also say "If you need to ask you're not in love" which also makes me think maybe I don't truly love him, because I'm questioning it.I guess since I'm only 18 I have a hard time judging it, especially since he's the first man I've ever felt this way about. These feelings have been stirring and built up since I was 15 years old when we first became friends. Three years later he's my boyfriend and the feelings are stronger than ever - there's this sense of security, comfort and happiness I feel with him - the only thing missing is the "L" part. I always thought I loved him. I think I do love him, I just can't be sure I suppose.Any advice? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): You know you love some1 when you realize thats all u think about, i mean its not really something you can question.. your heart just knows it. its a feeling beyond words.. and its very easy shown as well. if ppl tell you all the time, that you seem so good together, and you believe that then its true. your in love. im 18 and feel so in love right now.. i actually think i found "the one"..33
CHEERS TO LOVE! =]]
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): hmmm,according to me,what you are actually feeling is nothing else but love..18yrs is not too young to fall in love,i'm 18yrs old and have just fallen in love..if you feel that you are the happiest girl ever when you are with your boyfrind,or you feel protected in his arms,or you just keep thinking of him wherever you are,then yes,this is love..and i can even bet on that
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A
male
reader, twoexcess  +, writes (13 July 2008):
love comes in many shapes and forms...true love is a very powerful form of love in reference to a relationship you know that they are the one when you want no body else at all, only a few species in the animal kingdom have shown this love eg a chimpanzee has been known to mourn the loss of its young.the love you are refering to is a passionate love when indeed they are the one you want and humans are the only ones who have these levels of emotions. ok to the point you will know in your mind that he is the one. do not dwell on negative aspects that some have brought up on "it wont last" because a true love is eternal... even if down the road you part ways you will know its the most purest form of love when you will still go out on a limb for them when you part ways. my personal philosophical way is "TAKE EACH DAY AS IT COMES" for you dont know what will happen on the following... you may have expectations and they may come into fruition. follow your heart and soul it will guide you on this. no one can answer for you but yourself and you will know its like no other feeling in the world...but do not confuse it with your lust....lust is a chemical and psychological want.... love in its pure form is seeing them for who they are and embracing every last fault and flaw. in this way you see them as "perfect" not in a true wording but in your heart.smile and enjoy what you have and let it grow... time is required like nurturing life itself and they go hand in hand... love requires time to grow...just be patient.i still have not found my true love at 32. i thought i did once but it wasnt as far as i know even though i care for that person strongly still its more a loving friendship. just remember this if they make you smile just at the thought of them.... its a good sign :)
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A
female
reader, starfairy  + ♥, writes (6 July 2008):
 I think real love is getting through that puppy love lust phase, staying together after the honeymoon perioud has fizzled out a bit, seeing someone's bad points and still wanting to be with them, still caring for them, wanting to look after them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): You'll know that you love him when hes the only thing you think about when you go to sleep and when you wake up and it really doesnt matter what you do your always thinking about him. And ur really going to know when your willing to do anything for him and when you put his needs before yours and when you go through hell and back for him and when you put up with alot of bullshit and drama for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): look it doesnt matter how old you are and if you want to tell that person that you are in love with them you should
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): I NEED some advice!!! i have a boyfriend and his almost perfect..everything i've always wanted...but im confunsed..how do i know i love him trully..or how do i know if i am in love with the idea of a relationship!!!!! help meee i will trully apreciate it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): Love has no age....when you reach teen years it is hard to judge. but to be honest it feels pointless to get into a relationship when everyone around you is telling you that it won't last forever....hey maybe it won't maybe it will don't focus on that right now, just focus on loving that person with all your heart and take love day by day never focus on the end or else you will never begin, there has to be a start. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, AskEve + ♥, writes (12 May 2007):
 To love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love" with them but of course this can't be, they love the idea of who they are but if they've never met them then it's just a crush or infatuation.
Real love on the other hand is very different. If you truly love someone then you respect them for who they are, warts and all. You want to look after them and protect them, you look out for them and put them first. You feel happy and content in their company and enjoy being together. Above all you can be yourself when you're with them. You never try to be anything more or someone different because you don't need to. You don't have to impress them to win them over and you never have to play games to make them like you. There is trust and understanding on both sides and you feel safe and secure within yourself. You would never undermine them, they are not someone in whose company you feel threatened or small. They are someone with whom you can share your innermost thoughts and worries, a person with whom you should be able to share anything, they are your friend and your confidante and you can be honest with them at all times, you can tell them anything because they love you as you are.
He/she may be someone who is the direct opposite of you. On the surface you may seem like chalk and cheese. Whilst you may be loud and forceful they may be quiet and thoughtful. You may come from different backgrounds, different countries or be twenty years apart but this doesn't matter. There is an unspoken language between you, the spiritual connection between you both is so deep that you seem to be able to communicate without even speaking to each other. You are happy to lie in silence together. You feel sometimes that there is no need to talk because you feel that you know what they are thinking anyway. You feel so close to them that sometimes you think you could almost read their mind. You know when they are worried, in pain, or sad just by looking at them. It is as though there exists some kind of telepathy between you.
Real love stands the test of time, you laugh together, cry together and even have your differences but this doesn't matter, you love that person AND their failings. You come together in a crisis and work through things together and this just brings you closer. You take their feelings into consideration in all that you do. They are the most important person in your life!
Eve
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (14 April 2007):
 You may very well love him. At your age, love is not always meant to last or turn into the real deal, the true commitment because you have a lot of growing up to do.
Real and lasting love does feel secure, comfortable, and safe. Love is really not just a feeling though, of course you want those loving feelings to be present, that said, it is really a "decision" based on the knowledge that you are willing to BE a loving person for your partner and worthy of love. You are willing to make sacrifices for thier happiness and often put their needs ahead of your own.
Usually at 18, we aren't really ready or capable of making that kind of solid committment....so don't make the mistake of thinking this is the be all end all of relationships for you. He is your first love and that is very sweet and very special, and if you want to tell him how you feel, there is nothing wrong with that. Just don't expect things to change or become solid just because you confessed your deeper feelings....Enjoy your friendship, enjoy each other and be careful of your heart and his.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): Love is a big illusion created in the minds of people by media and entertainment industry. If you are talking about unconditional love, it is hard to find in this world. Most kind of scenarios where people call themselves to be in love is really something based on if's and but's. When there is no reasoning involved, that would be the true deep love you are talking about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): Hi dear!
You sound very mature. You are not the only one questioning you own feelings. And also older people my never be 100 % sure about their feelings. It could be because of your age. I once read one should not get married befor the age of 21 because before you are 21 you are not experienced enough to really know what love is and if you really love your boyfriend. But 21 is just a rule of thumb. A lot are not mature enough for that when they are 30. Others may be allready when they are 18.
To questioning your own feelings very much helps you to not run into something. And you are right since you are only 18 you have a hard time judging it, especially since he is the first man you have ever felt this way about. Therefor don't hurry. You have all the time to find out.
To exactly know that you love someone, you first need to know what real, solid, deep love is. I try to explane you what I learnt about it.
There is a big difference between falling in love and real, solid, deep love.
Falling in love just happens to you. You can't really controll it yourselfe. It is like beeing on drugs. The hormones in your body tell you what to do and are reigning your feelings. You can compare it with beeing drunk. The alcohol in your body makes you happy and you can forget your problems.
Real love is different. It is the decision to want the best for someone and to make this person happy. The feelings are different to the feelings of falling in love, and you don't allways feel anything. But the cheerful feelings will come back again. This is not the case with falling in love. This feelings for one person you will only have a few month ore years, but they will not come back in the same form. Maybe they will come back later for an other person. But then you know, this are just hormones in your body. And you don't have to bother about it because you allready made your decision for the person you really love.
So real, solid, deep love is a decision for one person. And because it is a decision you can tell your partner you love him, also you may don't feel anything.
This may sounds weird. I suggest you go to a book shop and buy some books about releationships. If you would like to have a suggestion for a book, you can make a note on this page.
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A
female
reader, BABY-FACE +, writes (14 April 2007):
 hey girl..well i have a wonderfull b.f well soon fiance..im young too.but i kno hes tha one.. well u want to kno what real love is..aight well me and my b.f belive that truely love would be when you would die for this person..you would take a bulliton for them..but the MOAT IMNPORTANT PART OF THIS WHOLE THING IS .. HAVE U EVER THOUGHT WHAT IF HE DIED ?? WOULD YOU WAIT FOR HIM.. OR MOVE ON AND LOOK FOR AN OTHER GUY?? this is where you truely find out if this is love..if your willing to wait for him, for who knows how many years..untile you die...THAT MA GURL IS LOVE...TRUE LOVE.. because if its true love,that strong feeling you feel for that person will never ever die..even if hes w/ you or not..that is love..and if u met an other guy,better than your man. btter looking, w/ better things to offer you, would u leave him..theres an other obsticle to face to see if what u have is real love..if its real love. you wouldnt care about no other male but him,he has to be all your world...no other males in your mind...and after you thought about this really well...and think if u would do these things..and u want to know if he really loves you too, ask your partner these questions....and you will find out if he really loves you too..ask him hard questions like this..and for both of you to answer them honestly..never lie to yourself..because it will only hurt you....see real love is hard to find these days..no one is real any more.. its all about sex, drugs and money.. there is not love..real love... good luck : )
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A
male
reader, DrCynic +, writes (14 April 2007):
 If you're asking us this, then you're not 100% sure... If that's what you're waiting for, then you're not ready to tell him.
However... The only person who can know if you're truly in love is you... Ask yourself if you can't live without this person in your life... If you feel you can't go on without him, then you are in love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): the best advice i can give you is to picture how you would feel if things between you got really bad. If you think you would make it through that, then there is a step two. I knoe it sounds cliche, but picture yourself sitting in a rocking chair, knitting. Is he the old man in the chair next to you? Or are you bored of him? To me love is the closure of knowing that this is the person you were put on this earth to be with. If that is how you feel, then discuss it with him. See if he feels the same way. That is exactly what fixed my relationship when things got bad.
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