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My holiday romance...

Tagged as: Breaking up, Long distance, Teenage, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 December 2004) 1 Answers - (Newest, 1 January 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid

I am from Australia and recently I finished high school. It is the traddition here to go to the coast and celebrate the end of our schooling years for a week. I stayed in an apartment with four of my best girlfriends. One of my friends, Emily has a boyfriend so he was constantly staying at our apartment. One night he brought over one of his mates who is going out with Emily's sister. This guy and I ended up falling for each other and it lead to sex. Over the next few days both of us felt unbelievable feelings for one another, however we kept it all a secret.

On the last night we both were extremely upset because our relationship would have to end and he would have to go back to his girlfriend. He told me he really liked me but did not know what to do because his girlfriend's sister is going out with his best mate. So basically it would never work if they found out because it would destroy many relationships and friendships.

We are still talking and very good friends and he said to me he would go out with me in a second if circumstances were different, but obviously they are not. Do you think if they ended up breaking up should I begin a relationship with him? Or would I be like the second best girl? I still have immense feelings for him and I sense he feels similar. Please help me, I have tried ignoring the situation, I spoke to loved ones about it, I even asked my GP but no one seemed to be able to give any advice they just supported me. Hope to hear a reply. Thank you for taking your time to read my email.

Yours sincerely K

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2005):

K: If this almost-relationship is really meant to endure, then you can afford to take it slowly.

Think about it: if you and this guy are going to be in it for the long-term (I’m presuming that’s the goal) then waiting for a few more weeks or months to get together isn’t going to matter to either of you. Not if you really match as well as you clearly want to. You need to stop, get out of “romance” mode, realise that what you have so far is what’s technically known as a “summertime shag” and let this guy determine whether he wants to be with you, or be with his current girlfriend. If he decides that he wants you more, then he HAS TO break it off with the other girl, FIRST. When he’s free to link up, and when he’s made that decision all on his own, then you and he will be free to give your relationship a try. Even then, I wouldn’t march straight into it. Get together with some of your friends in a group, meet at parties. Give yourselves some time to get to know each other. In other words: step back, take a deep breath, look at it from all the angles. Then proceed slowly.

What I’m really much more concerned about is this guy’s behaviour behind the back of his girlfriend. No matter that you and he “fell for each other” and that you believe that you “felt unbelievable feelings for each other” when you met, what he did to his current girlfriend was contemptible. He cheated on her, just because he was introduced to another girl (you). How would you feel if you’d been the girlfriend that he played around on? Ropeable, right? Would he do the same thing to you sometime in the future, if you were his girlfriend? It’s more than possible, K; it’s probable. Most young guys of about HSC age don’t give a stuff about their girlfriend’s feelings; they’re out for as much of a root as they can get, full stop. Fair enough, that’s biology, but it’s another reason to give this possible relationship a bit of space. Let lover-boy grow up a bit.

Besides, if you’ve only just finished high school, you’re still young. You’ll meet thousands of guys in the next couple of years…and there might even be a few in those thousands who are honourable enough not to break the hearts of the girls they’re already with.

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