A
female
age
30-35,
*raina
writes:My boyfriend of almost 7 months and I are having problems. We've never fought before and we have had an amazing relationship. We were constantly together all last semester then he graduated but we constantly hung out even then. But now since school is out things have changed. He says he doesn't want to loose me but says he is depressed now and no longer feels the same way about things and doorknob if he cares enough for me to see a marriage in our future. But he says he cares and I am important. He said "I love you" then took it back and said he doesn't love me. But when we are together his mannerisms and the looks he gives me say something different. I told him that and he said "yes they do." I am so confused. We didn't seem to start having problems until his mother and I had an argument and I've wonder if that's part of it but I am not sure. He says he's confused and was wondering about taking a break. I am scared to take a break because I love him. But I really need him right now, my dad is in the Hospital and I am flying to Alaska for 16 weeks but he made plans with his friends and won't hang out with me before I leave which caused our talk tonight.I don't know what to do. When together his mannerisms show he loves me but his words say differently when apart.
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female
reader, Lraina +, writes (23 May 2015):
Lraina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe argument with his mom was about her not feeling like I was good enough for him and that she didn't want me to have a future with him. And if we did ever have a future together then she would move in with us.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 May 2015):
 I would consider this relationship to be OVER. Everything he does is to push you away. He doesn't HAVE the nuts to break up with you.
You can't date a guy for his "mannerism" when everything else he does (like not wanting to see you before you leave) SHOWS he is done with the relationship.
He KNOWS you need him, YET he is not THERE for you.
I agree that it is possible the fight you had with his mother that started it, his PRIORITY is his mom over you.
Not even sure why you are fighting with his mom, to me that is pretty disrespectful - but again that is hard to say for sure when you don't say what the argument was about.
Let him go, take care of your dad and your Alaska trip.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 May 2015):
 I think the argument with his mother has a part in it. The break up may be influenced by her. When people say "I love you" it means they have feelings for you, but when they say they don't love you anymore it means they don't want to continue the relationship even when they still have feelings for you. To go on a break means to wait for the feelings to subside so the final break would be easier.
When people graduate, it's often a time when they are uncertain about the future, and how their credentials and the opportunities out there don't match. I think that's what the depression is about. Love is more than just feelings because it needs money and commitment to sustain it. I guess his friends won't give him that kind of pressure. I am sorry about your dad. If you need a shoulder to lean on I am afraid your boyfriend's actions say he doesn't care. He cares that he still have someone to love him, maybe have sex with him but when it comes to cherishing last times together he does't. At this time in his life he wants fun, and doesn't want to be reminded about pain, sickness and that things end. I would make plans about the Alaska trip and see what's about there. Life can be rough but nature is always beautiful.
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