New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

His teapot has his and his ex's names and wedding date on it! Is it appropriate to ask if I can replace it?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 September 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 19 September 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My partner of 18 months is divorced. At the time of his wedding to his ex-wife he received a personalised tea pot with their first names and wedding date printed on the side. It's a nice big pot and he uses it, but I quietly feel uncomfortable and embarrassed when he serves tea in it. Sometimes it's next to the sink and I don't like looking at it in his kitchen on a regular basis. I have never mentioned anything about it but wonder if it would be appropriate to ask him if he is willing to replace it with an identical pot from the same shop just without any names on it. I can buy this pot for him as a present and maybe he can put the personalised one in a safe place with other momentos. Does this make me look jealous and insecure?

View related questions: divorce, ex-wife, his ex, insecure, jealous, wedding

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2017):

I meant to say:

"Let him keep it someplace out of sight. His former-marriage is on permanent-record in City Hall, and on other documents."

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2017):

Get the replacement. Explain your sensitivities to being reminded of his previous relationship to someone else. It probably never occurred to him the teapot causes you irritation.

He only recognizes the functionality of a utensil. He means you no disrespect.

The purpose of engravings or personalizing gifts is to commemorate an event; or to be an eternal-reminder of a special occasion, or person. The divorce was the demise of that phase in his life. Replacing the teapot will initiate the beginning of your new chapter together. It will symbolize starting fresh. This could be your reasoning. Not to seem petty.

If it has sentimental-value, compromise. Let him keep it someplace out of sight. His former-marriage is on permanent record in City Hall on on other documents. I assume his ex is still alive.

I guess I can see using something as frequently used as a teapot is like rubbing your nose in his past; and it's constantly paying tribute to someone no longer in his life. I think in this case, you're being reasonable.

Don't try to erase all evidence of his past marriage. Then you're pushing the envelope.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2017):

I agree with the other posts. If done calmly and reasonably, sharing your feelings about the teapot is very appropriate. It might be unreasonable to make him get rid of it, but putting it away is not.

Do not accuse him of being insensitive, or uncaring, unless he refuses to put it away. Many people simply don't think about things like that, or it has a different meaning to him than it appears. It may also be that he has had it so long, he doesn't even notice what it says.

In any case, if he reacts hurt, give it a little time (don't necessarily force him to give you an answer right then). Often, if I feel like I'm being bossed around, I'll respond harshly, or with silence while I think about it, then later realize the request was reasonable and I will comply. If my wife forces me to immediately agree with her, we may argue when it wasn't necessary.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (19 September 2017):

If he's a guy worth your time for the past 18 months he should be a guy who will understand your sensitivity to this memento. As for your question in regard to whether this makes you look jealous or insecure, all I can say is that most people in this situation would feel the same way you do. Tell him you'd like to see the two of you drink your tea out of YOUR pot. I'd be surprised is he has a problem with this or thinks you are being weird about it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 September 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYes, it's fine. Tell him to put the teapot away with the shared names on it. Better yet... GO find a unique teapot that both of you will like.

I would not buy a "copy" just without the names. (unless that is the ONLY teapot in the World he will accept, which... I doubt). I would go with one that will NOT remind him of HER but of you two.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (18 September 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntWell I see you are from the UK and tea is considerably more important there than here . . . Just kidding. What you propose sounds very reasonable to me. You are more than generous, many women would want to see the old pot melted down. I'm sure it is a very nice teapot and he is only holding on to it because it functions so well.

FA

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "His teapot has his and his ex's names and wedding date on it! Is it appropriate to ask if I can replace it?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312666000099853!