A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone :) So, I've been with my bf for over a year now.. Throughout our relationship, we had arguments here and there. And well, we always figure it out and make it through. I am really happy with him and he feels the same way. We talk a lot about anything and everything. So just last week, we went for a camping trip with our school to complete an award. And on the way back, on the bus, we were talking and like sometimes he has moodswings and well I can understand that cuz our exams are coming up and he's pretty stressed out cuz he had to apply to schools and all. And then he asked "why are you so kind to me?" And I was thinking why would he ask such a question. I don't know, maybe cuz many times I've put up with his moodswings and sometimes he gets frustrated with his work, he'll sometimes answer me rudely. But I don't take it personal cuz I understand that when ppl get frustrated they tend to answer a little rudely. I do it sometimes, so Yeahhh... Anyways... What does he actually mean when he asked me "why are you so kind to me?" Any ideas??? -the question actually shocked me XD Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 March 2015):
 A lot of people would have reacted with aggression but since you are like calm, smooth water surface you reflected the meanness back to him. It made him feel bad and self aware. Some men would take advantage of your kindness, use you as a verbal punching bag but as a conscientious young man learning how to love, he should be able to correct his temper without prompting. No one should have to teach the other about manners, unless you want to be a mother type.
You might be shocked because you are being your own self and when he asked you it sounded like very few people are nice like you. You took your good nature for granted and didn't realize many girls would have lashed out at him. Yes you can be kind without being a doormat, but the right guy for you shouldn't treat you like one anyway. A guy who tests how far he could go before you break down isn't in the right mindset either.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2015): There is a point when we have to call people on their behavior. He knows there have been times he went too far, and may have deliberately tried to offend or upset you. You have a great deal of patience, you care a lot about him, and you're a naturally understanding person. But you are not a punching bag!!!
What he means is, there may have been moments he misbehaved when you should have stopped and corrected him. You don't dismiss every-time he is rude to you. That's called being too "passive." Just because you love a person doesn't mean they get to be rude and verbally-abusive. They don't get to snap at you for no reason. Mood-swings are either a lack of self-control; or the makings of a bad temper. You are very young and you don't know these things. Don't get used to males showing you their aggressive-side and excusing it, my dear. He knows it is wrong, and you should too.
Sometimes he wants you to let him know if he has offended you, or hurt your feelings. You don't always have to be a bottomless sack of forgiveness. You can tell him when he was out of line, or spoke too rudely too you. Never allow boys, or men, to be too aggressive or intimidating towards you. There may be a good reason he is upset; but he shouldn't be rude to people who haven't done anything to him. He should be respectful and kind to you in return. By correcting him and holding him responsible for treating you well at all times, you are teaching him what you've been taught. You are also show him an assertive and strong side of yourself that he will respect.
You should be teaching him that he should be polite to you at all times, and if he's upset and looses control; he should apologize and make it right. Even more importantly, he shouldn't do it at all! Yes, we are all human; but we have the responsibility to treat others as we wish to be treated. Especially those who are kind to us.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 March 2015):
 Probably because he realizes perfectly that too often he has been way out of line in taking his moods out on you, and he also realizes other girls would not put up with his rudeness, stress or no stress.
I guess he wonders if you are SO MUCH in love, or so much of a doormat, or so much what .
You talk as if you assume it's OK to be rude and a jerk and taking our moods out on partners. Guess what, it's not , particularly if it's recurrent, and most girls would not be so undertstanding. If it's once in a blue moon, in a very bad day, under exceptional circumstances , then ok, sure, we are all human. But if he gets stressed o and nasty.... because he is applyng to schools ( very normal evenience, if he get so stressed about that ,I can't think what he will do as a grown up having to face important job interviews ... or the possibility of losing a job ! ) , and you react all sugar and spice and everything nice, ... I guess he is just wondering how come he got so undeservedly lucky.
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