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female
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anonymous
writes: i posted recently about my boyfriend going overseas, and I thought some of you maybe see the whole picture, or were a little harsh. i guess it sounds bad, but he has said he cares about me deeply, knows he will really miss me etc, but the idea of me going with him and us suddenly living together and everything is a big committment to him and kind of clashes with the original reason he had planned this trip. I know I do have do let him go to experience life by himself for awhile- we have agreed to say goodbye indefinitely when he goes and then keep in contact until he decides if he would like me to joing him (and I agree of course, if my own feelings haven't changed, which he thinks he should know within 2 months of being away. I guess what my question is, is am I wasting my time hoping we will stay together, or do people really sometimes not realise how much they need someone, and the depth of their feelings towards someone until they are no longer in their lives? If anyone has even experienced anything like this, it would be great to hear about. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lostgirl04  +, writes (17 May 2006):
 Well my ex and I broke up becuz he had to move away. We're both 20 and both cared about eachother very much but I knew he was immature and a long distance wouldn't work, so i decided to end it. I must say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Not only do I miss him terribly, but he confessed to me recently that he still cares and misses me a lot and hopes to see me again one day. So I think you should continue to stay in contact with him, but not wait around for his decision. Show him that you're not just his puppy waiting for his command. If he doesn't want to move in with you, tell him 'ok, fine, we'll stay friends.' Maybe if he doesn't have you as an 'option' he'll miss you more becuz he'll know that he doesn't have you there when he wants you. I'm not telling you to move on completely, but you could see other people. Maybe he will realize that not having you is unbearable and will want you back. Don't wait for him becuz when we girls wait around, that's when we're taken for granted. When we put our foot down is when we are respected and missed. good luck! =)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): Hey, I'm the one who posted the original message. I just want to say thanks for your advice. Yes, I know it is all in his hands and I hate that, but I love him too much to be able to just walk away, which means I don't have a lot of control. I guess its one of those things where only time will tell, and we will see if we are meant to be or not, but in the meantime its so hard to move on while he's still here, and I know i'll be holding out for him to make a decision when he goes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): hi!
i want to share my experience with you about long-distance relationships. 4 years ago I was dating someone, and had to travel for a university programme for 1 year. I was committed to it and promised that whenever he comes back I'm going to be waiting for him. He used to come and see me every 2-3 months and I was happy with that. We used to speak hours on the phone so that kept us close. After 6 months, things started changing and I couldn't bare in mind that I had sacrificed 6 months for someone who just changed in a week. Well, when he came to see me and his family, I decided to speak to him about his change. I didn't like the way he was treating me as if he doesn't want me anymore, so I didn't even dare speaking to him about the matter, I just dumped him (well, it's more like he dumped me). It was horrible but I moved on. I promised myself that there wouldn't be any other long-distance relationship in my life.
So after some time I started going out with this guy who nowadays is my husband. He was a foreigner in my country. i liked him a lot and although we had differences I felt so comfortable with him. Due to immigration reasons (I guess you know what I mean), he had to leave the country after one year together and I couldn't resist losing him or even go through a long-distance relationship again. So I made a fast decision for us to get married. We got married with the agreement that after i finish university we migrate together. So as soon as I finished, my hubby left the country to get us a place where to stay and to start looking for work while I was waiting for my results. After one month, I decided to join him as I was only killing myself in my country without seeing him.
Things are not good between us now, and we're together just because we're married. If not, we would have left each other long time ago.
In both cases, I wasn't happy. If I had to do things again I would have left my husband leave the country without getting into more marriage and commitment, and then I would have known if I really love him or not....and if he really loves me. I suggest you leave things as they are, you would know if you two really love each other. I know it's hard but it's better you cry now then you cry for all your life!
Good Luck
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