A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:If a guys actions don't seem to match with what he said, what should you believe, what he says to you, or the message you seem to get from how he acts? Like, if he tells you things are fine and don't worry but he's still acting weird and almost seems like he's avoiding you? Should you believe him that it's really not about you? Or do you think his feelings for me are changing and he just can't figure out how to say it?We haven't been fighting or anything, and he's been upset about something else, but all of a sudden, for like a few weeks, i just barely see him and it's really like he avoiding me, and why would he avoid me just cause he's upset about something else, if his feelings for me are really the same? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): That's interesting what you're going through. I'm going through something similar but different and i do understand how you feel. My ex whom i have been with 4 yrs was deported to Korea. I dumped him a day before his birthday without even realizing it because he had hurt me soooo bad. Long story and yet, my feelings for him still exist till this day and he knows it. But it seems to me that he has moved on with his life. He has a new girl in his life. And he tells me when i talk to him that he still has feelings for me, cares about me, wants to be with me, but at the same time he's confused about his feelings. He's been avoiding me like crazy. He doesn't talk to me at all now. And the last message he wrote to me was saying that he needs to keep away from me and stop talking to me for the mean time until he can fix his own problems that he has. Well, me.. Being an open person i just think and feel that if you can't express your feelings to someone whom you love and tell them and explain to them your sitiuation to make them understand then.. It won't work out because you need communication. The only thing i understand from my expereince and reading is that when a guy avoids you, he's not interested in you anymore. I don't know, everybody is different but.. Still, it doesn't make sens to tell someone that you love them, care about them, want to be with them, but yet at the same time show them other wise. actions speaks louder then words and i am one that goes by that. I think you should follow your intuition. If you feel he still loves you then stick by him. Express your feelings to him and try to see if he will open up to you and tell you what's on his mind and how he's feeling. If he doesn't then, depart from him a little. If it persists like what the person above says then it's obvious he doesn't care and has moved on. I've done it plenty of times with my ex. believe me, i've gone through hell and in fact i'm still going through hell because i'm trying so hard to forget about him and move on but it's so hard because he was my first love. But apparently i have too. He doesn't care and love me anymore. What he wanted from me he got. And now he's found himself a new girl whom he does care about and perhaps even love. But, just try to express how you feel to him, and see if he opens up to you and tell you how he feels and what he's going through. Talk like adults don't argue, just talk and listen to each other and understand each other. If anything give each other a break in the relationship and go out and have fun. If he comes back to you then start over where you guys left off but try to change some things. Like improve your communication with each other.. Listen to each other more, and try to understand each other. Show each other that you love him and he loves you. If he doesn't come back to you then all i can tell you is follow what you feel and what you think is true to your heart. If you feel he loves you then stick around, but if you feel other wise then move on. I can't tell you anything about how i feel because everyone is different and you know him better then i do. But all i can say is follow your heart. It's painful and that i know because like i said.. I'm going through it myself. Harsh too because the girl he has is married.. But whatevet that's life. Anyway, i hope i've helped a little. I know i said the same thing as the girl above me but.. She's right. Hope things work out well with you :-). I'll be praying bye! :-).
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (1 February 2007):
 Hi
How long have you guys been together? If this is a new flame and already you are having this communication problems, I think you have found yourself somebody who is very uncommunicative. You won’t know if the act is unintentional or intentional you just have to figure everything out all by yourself which is unfair as you can’t read minds. I think his emotional unavailability makes you feel like you are alone in this road and yet he sees nothing wrong with the way he is handling the rship.
Some people will tell you they are fine while the pain they are feeling is unbearable. Why is this? They avoid confrontations at all costs. So if this is your man unfortunately you will never be able to connect his actions with his words because they will always be parallel to each other without any connection point. People like this cant open themselves to anyone and if you demand a little attention you appear to be naggy and needy. And it is really frustrating because you on the other hand want to know what went wrong. And his answer is nothing but you know its not true.
I don’t what upsets him so much that you don’t appear as one of his priorities anymore but I think whatever it is has made him lost touch with reality and is closing himself up, “the everything is fine part” is just to shut you up so that you can stop annoying him, selfish, I know but how can u explain such behaviour, did you tell him not to confide in you about this? If not, don’t you think he was supposed to come to you for a little comfort? Just give it few days and if this persists tell him you think a little break will do until he sort out his life because right now you can see he doesn’t need you and you don’t feel appreciated. Because I don’t see why you should stay in a relationship where you have to live on his terms, today he is down, tomorrow he is up and running so what will you expect next? No one deserves to live like this. You are not happy here which means its not enough for you. Maybe he will see what this is doing to you and he will show u the love u deserve or let you go before he messes your head up even more. You have so much to offer and you deserve something in return.
jovial
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