A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started talking with a guy that I met online in May of this year. Things progressed. We met, were very attracted to one another, but live about an hour away from each other. Things continued to progress. He was very romantic and is a writer. He told me he loved me, used phrases like "when we get together", "when we get settled", "do you mind if we cuddle on the couch and watch my favorite TV show", "Shall we adopt a kid..." etc. Then we are supposed to meet one afternoon and then he goes silent. No contact for a week. I was concerned and texted and left unreturned messages. I finally call his work and am told that he has been off until this Friday. So, I call his work on Friday and he says, I love you, but my ex emailed me begging to take him back and I'm confused now and can't be with you. What do I do now?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Move on. Obviously his heart and mind weren't ready for a new relationship ,if an e-mail is all it took to send him back to his ex.
Besides, maybe I am too suspicious, but I would like to remind you that " I am tryng to work things out with my ex " is an evergreen, a time-honoured cliche' like " It's not you- it's me ". Some times the ex does not even exist !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): I have been where are right now. My advice is move on . He will go back to his ex just to see if it will work again . They have a history , the reason he has not contacte you is he is spending time with her.
If it is meant to be with you then it wont work out and he will contact you . But live your life as if he is gone from your life and move on .
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A
male
reader, Presto +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Sounds like he never left his ex, or was there ever really an ex to begin with, more like his wife. While his relationship might have been tanking he went fishing and found you. The moment the reality of meeting you came to fruition he realized that divorce would not have been a good option for him so he just cut you off.
Guys have this innate ability to cut people off without emotion. I know I'm a guy and I've been accused of doing that myself. Probably best to lick your wounds and move on. Men are sometimes real pigs and in this instance it sounds like you encountered one.
Perhaps the lesson learned here is that online dating is only best if you meet the person in a social setting sooner, not later. Preferably with a man friend to be your wing man to sort out if the other person is for real or not.
Either way, I'm sorry this happened to you.
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A
female
reader, shapoopsy +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Dear Anonymous, I am very sorry to hear of what has happened to you. That was very wrong of him to make you worry when he did not keep his plans or reply. He probably didn't want to face you, but I'm proud that you tracked him down on Friday and made him! Sometimes, it can be hard to know just how sincere one is. If you think there's a chance he may have developed feelings, then tell him what is in your heart. If he is not movable, then he's just not. Best wishes to you, ~Shapoopsy
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A
female
reader, LOSTasYOU +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Well honey, theres not much you can do. If you feel that this man is worth it all, then give him some time and space until he figures out what it is that he wants. Sit down and talk to him. Let him know how you really feel. Tell him it bothers and hurts you but because you care for him so much, your willing to give him some time to make the right choice. As much as it hurts you, its the best thing that you can do. Don't pressure him, i bet he's getting enough of that from his ex. And remember, whatever i is that he decides, accept it and move forward. Whatever happes, happens for a good reason. GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES!
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A
male
reader, der_zyniker +, writes (13 September 2010):
He has no idea what to do himself. All you can do is wait and see what his decision is. I know it suck, but I don't think that there is really anything that you can do. It's all in his hands.
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A
female
reader, trotman68  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 I would actually respect them, because they are saying that they actually don't know what or if they want a relationship why they are having mixed feelings.
Don't be negative about this. I think this person just has to have some space and needs to be clear in their head that what ever they decide, they will know its what they want and will know that they can give thereself 100%, without thinking that they are feelings for someone else.
Tell this person to take all the time they need and what ever the outcome, you are there for them as a friend...
You should respect this person for being so upfront about this.
Good luck, let me know a update please.xx
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