A
female
age
41-50,
*unflower25
writes:my soon to be husband's ex wife is driving me crazy. let me start by saying that we started by just being friends do to the fact that he was married. he would talk to be about there problems and that was all it was, was a friendship, one day he called and said that he couldn't deal with it anymore and was at his dad's with his son from a previous marriage which he has full coustody and he told her he didn't love her anymore, he wasn't happy and wanted a divorce. that this had been going on for a while. we started dating after that and she had it put in the divorce papers that the kids couldn't be within 100 ft of any woman he ever dated, therefore any time it is his weekend to have the kids i never see him which is what she is trying to do. we live together and i have been nothing but nice to her and the kids if fact i encourage him to spend as much time as possible with them. she has started emailing me saying that he will come back to her because of the girls, calls and leaves me messages. oh and she moved the girls 150 miles away from us because she knew it would hurt him to be away from them. and it did. she almost got him to move about a month later, but after some talking with the girls and thinking he knew he could never be truely happy with her and out of his mouth said she is psychotic. now she wines and cries that she can't pay her bills. she gets almost a thousand dollars a month in child support not to mention the extra that we send the girls and every time he sees them i send cloths and shoes. but she knows how to use him, it's not that she needs money but the girls need something and it's always needed the next day, where she needs money in her account of couse i get upset, but i get it's for my girls i have to. i see right through her but he doesn't, i know this is something i am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. i really love him and i know he loves me, he tells me that i show him that i appreciate him and show him love that he has never had or seen. i tell myself that he lies next to me everynight and wakes up next to me everymorning, but he works 2 full time jobs and i work all the time and between the two of us we have 5 kids and she is breaking us. another thing, she calls constantly during the day for nothing at all and will leave voice mails, and still says i love u. i moan and gripe about this all the time. he has told her to stop and she won't he doesn't answer the phone when she calls and doesn't call her back but it's getting really old. his son will go visit his sister's every once in a while and when he comes back he is completely hateful to me. help. any advice will be helpfull. would i be stupid for marrying him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007): Your love for him will have to be really strong to withstand this. I would run like hell, sorry but my second bloke had a family that lived just 200 yards away, life for me was hell, then we had a child and it got worse. I didn't split him and his ex up either, yet he jumped every time she said the word. Just remember you only live once and do you really want everyday to be like this. I would give him a few ultimatums and if he didn't go through with them then, sorry but i would have to get out of that one.
Take care and let me know what you decide.
xx
A
female
reader, PoSiOnKiSS  +, writes (2 April 2007):
 I know how your feeling, i had the same thing a while back but thank fully i got out of it becoz i was feeling unbelievably left out. i was not included in any family outings, he was only allowed to see and bath the child at her house, he had to spend most of xmas day at her house becoz i was not allowed anywhere near her or there child, she threatened to move abroad were her parents live if he didnt co-operate with everyhting she said. shes always moaning about not having any money & struggling to pay for food.....yet she has a convertable car! he keeps telling me he saw loads of designer shopping bags when he went and dropped the child off but he wont stop handing over the money like its nothing. I had had enouigh because he couldnt afford to save up for a holiday with me yet she paid for him to go on holiday with her and there child just to hurt me, and he went saying he might not get another chance!! men are all the bloody same when it comes to this, theyll always go running with money in there hands and i am just so glad i left all that ehartache behind. she was always going to be in his life, and ur fellas ex will ALWAYS be in his, and i couldnt handle the thought of that. If you really want things to work out then put your foot down! dont lay back while she gets what she wants, because she`ll just keep coming for more. good luck!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (2 April 2007):
 You paint a really rotten picture of his ex. Here's the BUT. Do you think it was a good idea for him to be talking to you about their problems? That is how this type of thing starts. Your relationship was born out of his emotional infidelity to you. I don't believe there was no attraction there either. You just managed to stay out of the bedroom until he left her house. By the way, when a person leaves the matrimonial home, that is not a time to start fooling around with the "friend" In his wife's eyes, and she's probably correct, your relationship with HER husband started the day he began seeking advice about private matters from you.
AS to your question, it seems like your in for a bumpy road with this woman. You'd be his third wife too, correct? You're also young, how old is he to be on his third wife already?
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A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (2 April 2007):
 this sounds like a real headache.cant he go to a solicitors and get some sort on injunction against her?why has she been allowed to stop her children being anywhere near you?i though you had to be harmful in some way?what proof has she got?ive been through solicitors with my kids and over here i know its certainly very hard to stop your kids being with your partners new girlfriend.i think you can request this for a while then you have to back it up with proof.id advise you to fight that one.i dont know what led up to your fella leaving?she is obviously very hurt.you have to realise she will always be in his life somewhere.you live together what right has she got to invade your life.she obviously hasnt moved on with her life has she.my fellas ex of 10yrs hasnt moved on.we,ve had loads of problems which are 3yrs has culminated in me putting my foot down and saying no more.he has to pick his child up now. id advise you to keep a diary and write all this down.how long has it been goin on?it must be a terrible pull on you.i wouldnt marry this man until you have a period of say a year where things calm down with her.she will only be incited to do more harm.it would be too much for her in her sad little world to cope with and she will do everything to ruin it for you.for a start his kids wont be allowed to go?a very hard situation but i think you have a good man so dont give up.
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