A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What would you do if you had a husband who continuously put his family first particularly his mother, has stated to some members of his family in front of me that family comes first before a woman.Had a monthly phone contract and ran up a bill of over £4000 in one month talking to his family. Which was in my name.Has never bought me anything but if they need anything he will get it for them.Always on the phone and Skype to his mother, he says its so his mum feels like she's in the same room with him.This has gone on for 5 years and I feel totally ignored, unloved and really depressed with it all.I have never seen this kind of behaviour in my life before.Now I just hate all his family it's like I just don't want to know them and I have started to resent him now for it.His brothers wife is exactly the same is resentful towards his family but she puts up with it whereas I just can't anymore I'm to depressed now with it and I know my depression is because of that.
View related questions:
depressed, unloved Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (4 April 2016):
 Are his family in a different country? Is that why the phone bill is so enormous? If that is the case then I think he wants to move back there to be with his family. It sounds like he is chronically homesick.
Please send us an update.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 April 2016):
 This sounds crazy. But it also sounds like it's been like this all along, from the very beginning. So, it's something you must accept, or leave. You should not have married him when he was like this to begin with, so when you meet a new man, you will know to stay away if he will behave like this.
PS. I understand fully how you feel, I had a boyfriend once who put his friends (not family) always first and they were always a priority, he would spend all his money on them and never have any for us to go out or go on vacation. He'd always call them first etc. So I know how it feels to be number second, and it's not how I like it either. It brought me down as well, and Im not a jealous person, but for the first time in my life I got jealous, and I became resentful as well. So, time to cut your losses!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2016): Wow. That's not normal behaviour for someone with their own commitments in life. I'd rather be alone than watch my children be treated as second best and actually any decent mother would tell him that he needs to focus on his own family now. You have to decide if you can live like this any longer. Have you actually told him how this makes you feel? Firstly you have to tell him what you're thinking and then you need to separate your finances from him as he's clearly not responsible so you don't want to maintain a financial link with him for bills and such. This might hit home to him that you're serious. If he goes crying to mummy then tell him he can pack his things and go back to her, it's not that anyone should chose who they love more and who is more important but he should be mature enough to realise he has to loosen his ties with his mum so he can be available to the other people he apparently wanted in his life (otherwise why marry you and have children?).Be serious in what you say to him and if you make any consequence -such as splitting the finances or telling him you will ask him to leave - then you have to follow through on that so only say things you know you will follow up. It's bit good for you or your children to be ignored and made second best.
...............................
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (3 April 2016):
 You need to talk to your husband regarding YOUR feelings surrounding your his behaviour.
I always suggest seperation and divorce, as a last resort, HOWEVER, if you sit your husband down and express all your concerns to him and still nothing changes for the better between the two of you, then you really need to think about where your marriage is headed.
If your husband won't change his mind, you're left with very few options, but i won't say no options, because if two people are willing to work things out and give it a 2nd chance, there is always a possibility.
I would also encourage you both to attend couples couselling and perhaps this may be the way to a more positive outcome, BUT this will only work, if your husband WANTS it to.
If he somehow comes to realise and places your marriage in the place of priority, that it ought be.
It never hurts to give anything a try though, because if you don't, you'll never know what could have been, before you decide to end your marriage for good.
I wish you all the best!
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 April 2016):
 What are you waiting for? Am sure you know where the door is, if you are unhappy and he says he will always put them before you then leave, it sounds like he doesn't see you as family. So leave get help for the depression and start again.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (2 April 2016):
How bad is it? Would you be prepared to move out to get your point across? Certainly you need to separate your finances. If he has to pay for phone calls then perhaps they might be shorter.
Do you still love him or is enough enough? As Confucious reportedly said: “The way out is through the door. Why is it that no one will use this method?”
...............................
|
