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He's younger and broke!

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 April 2015) 8 Answers - (Newest, 30 April 2015)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hey,

I'm 25 years old and I am currently in grad school. I met this guy a year ago, because he worked at the restaurant across from my job and he delivered my food. We also have a mutual friend.

We never talked then because he had a girlfriend.

He is now 18, and I know he's embarrassed to tell me that because he told me he is 20. But I found out he isn't.

We've been talking for about two weeks. He texts me good morning and good night everyday, and we talk all day long. Hes very sweet and always compliments me. He began sexting a lot which bothered me, and since I mentioned it, he never did it again.

On our first date, we went to a park and it went very well. We pretty much ended making out.

For our second date he asked me to the movies, but the day before he never confirmed, even though we were talking the whole day. I knew he didn't forget because I reminded him. But the next morning, he apologized saying that he didn't want to tell me this but he really doesn't have money for movies, and he hasn't had a job for a few months.

SO....

First of all, do you think the age difference is a bit too much?

I have dated a guy two years younger than me, but this is a lot more than 2.

Also,

I mentioned to him that he should've told me instead of hurting me. And that I won't mind paying, and I would've offered to pay anyway. But he said because I'm a girl I shouldn't pay.

So does that mean, we don't date? Or should I pay?

Do you think he's gonna start using me?

View related questions: money, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2015):

First of all no one who is commenting has ever met this dude so why are you trying to judge him!

If YOU think he's right for you go ahead but in my ó opinion it sounds like he needs to be wary of you

You can't just decide he's short term he might be the one for you!

Just keep looking at the good things in life and don't dig to deep in case you upset him.

Try to keep intimate it will keep you both interested! Speak to him and ask your parents about him! They know you best ??

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (30 April 2015):

janniepeg agony auntIf you agree to generously pay then you have to get over the mental conflict that he's using you. He's saying the appropriate thing that girls shouldn't pay but if you offered he won't decline, but also hoping you won't resent him. It seems you are willing to pay only if you are sure he's not using you. You want to have sex with him if it feels affectionate and not cheap. If you don't go out for dates it means more indoor time, which means sex. Again, if you agree to have sex with him, you can't say he's using your body.

I believe guys who are broke can have relationships. We are so hardwired to believe when a man can not provide, he can not love. I don't think so.

I think there is more to his story, such as reasons that are stopping him from holding down a job and pursuing real goals. I am guessing mental issues. Not to say you can't have a good time with him, but..

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A female reader, MSA United States +, writes (30 April 2015):

MSA agony auntI've read your post and your follow ups.

I understand you are concerned about whether he may be using you physically and/or financially. My answer to that is, it's too soon to tell as you have not gone on a date where money was involved and have not been involved in anything sexual. Give it some time and I'm sure you will be able to sense his intentions. You sound like a highly educated and intelligent girl.

If you don't mind, I have a question for you. You've stated that you do not plan on having a long term relationship with him. Why? It's odd that someone will go into a relationship saying they only want to be in it short term. What are your intentions? Are you trying to use him physically?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (30 April 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntSo let's review. You are a 25 year old graduate student. You met this guy a year ago, when he was 17 and you were 24. He had a girlfriend at the time.

He lied about his age because he was embarrassed and you found out his age in some other way. Through friends or checking his driver's license? Googling?

You've been talking for two weeks; in that time, he started sexting you, you let him know that you didn't like it.

Your first date, you went to a park and made out.

Your second date didn't happen because he didn't confirm it, despite texting with you all day.

Then the next day he confessed he didn't have enough money to go out on a date with you. You tell him that he should have told you instead of hurting you.

You post here asking "Do you think he's gonna start using me?"

In the first follow up, you say "I don't plan on having a long term relationship like years, but for now he's what I want. Also, he's an athlete he wants to be professional."

If he's what you want, then go ahead and date him.

As for his career aspirations, well, there are many teenaged athletes who would like to be professionals. What is he doing to further his ambitions?

He was 17 when you met. You were 24.

You are in graduate school and will be making a large salary when you complete your education.

What is it you want in a relationship?

You've been "talking" to him for 2 weeks. Is this in person, on the phone or via text?

It just seems like a mismatch. He's a teenager who would like to be a professional athlete. What is he doing to reach that goal?

You are further along in education and life goals.

If you are concerned about being used physically and financially, don't have any sexual intimacy with him for several months and go out on inexpensive dates that don't involve making out in the park.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2015):

Sorry Tisha,

But I didn't realize it was so necessary to have proper grammar while asking a question on a general website. As far as you need to know, in one year I will be making a six figure salary and work in the medical field. I know how intelligent I am, and what program I got accepted to. Thanks.

If you want to point out my mistakes, there was no need to answer.

By using me, I meant in both physical and financial terms.

I obviously asked because I was curious to find out opinions from people who aren't involved.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (29 April 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntYou say that for now he's what you want. So now that you are aware he is younger and broke, then you know that you will have to pay if you two go out. If you don't go out, then you don't have to pay.

"Do you think he's gonna start using me?" What are you studying in grad school? Sorry, that was a question that is off the topic. "Gonna" isn't exactly grad school level grammar.

How do you define the term "using me"? Physically? Financially?

If you know that for now he's what you want, then why the need for the question here?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2015):

I don't plan on having a long term relationship like years, but for now he's what I want. Also, he's an athlete he wants to be professional.

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A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (29 April 2015):

Well he hasn't began using you do no need to think that he will be using you just yet. I don't see too many red flags here but be sure to not settle too much. At least see where he is going in terms of his career. I would assume, that since he knows he might have a gf, he would want to make her happy so you should see if he tries his best at this.

It's kinda amazing a guy so young isn't completely immature and is probably more mature than guys your age. Not sure about the dating situation but hopefully it is a wake up call that he needs a job or needs to get his foot in a career.

It goes without saying that if he will pursue school, he will not have money or time for you.

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