A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I ve tried the internet dating thing for a good two years now with a varying degree of success. Several weeks ago I started chatting to a guy and we got on really well. Over the Easter holidays we decided to meet up and had a great time.Since then we ve seen a lot of each other, been out for meals, drinks, cinema etc. He said he s told his work mates about me and his family.This issue started this weekend. I was busy all weekend with my daughter which he already knew about. On Saturday I text him as normal to say good morning etc but he wasn't his usual lighthearted self. By Sunday he was even quieter. He said he was full of it and stressed out. When I asked him full of what he said not nice thought. (He is divorced and currently battling with solicitors over the selling of his house). When I asked if there was anything I could do he just asked me to be patient and that they were his problems and they shouldn't affect me. I ve not heard a thing from him today and because I like him so much I really don't know what to do.In the space of two days he's gone from wanting to plan things with me weeks in advance, what we can do, meeting his brother etc to nothing.I just don't know if I should text him asking how he is today or just back off totally and leave it to him to contact me. I don't want to give him any more stress but equally I don't want him to think I don't care.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 Please stay away from that phone and give the guy some elbow room. It's just about 24 hours you are not in touch - way to early to panic,or to decide that he has cooled down.
While it's true that quite often " I am stressed " is a just a diplomatic way to say " I don't want you around / I am distancing myself from you ", in your case the guy is not a teenager and has been detailed enough about the source of his problems , battling with solicitors about financial issues. He might have on his mind pressing money and legal problems which does not feel like discussing with you now. He asked you to be patient, and while of course you cannot be patient indefinitely , you should be able to be patient for a couple of days.
You don't want him to think that you do not care- but he knows that you care. You told him. You ask him if there is anything you can do for him, he said no, - no need yet for reiteration.
I don't think that his being distant this one weekend means anything bad for you- but even if would mean something, it's not by breathing on his neck that you'd pull him closer.
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