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He's seemed passive-aggressive since we got back together

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 November 2014) 1 Answers - (Newest, 16 November 2014)
A female Hong Kong age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Okay.. So me and my boyfriend are getting back from break up and now he's passive aggressive towards me. I know he still loves me. We've been in serious relationship and he's ready for commitment before but now things changed. He loss his patience, passion, and doesn't try to be the best for me anymore.

He's dealing with many personal problems in his life, he's trying to pursue carreer, his loneliness because lack of friends ( he used to have many friends but they are far apart now), he's not so close with his family and we often argue about things ( which is my mistake and I'm trying to fix this).

I know he's stressed out and I want to help him but I just don't know how. He's very insecure and trying to changed his life. He thinks that I don't really love him, that he's not good enough for me, and that we are too different and tired of arguments. He's become more distant now as he never call me and initiate to ask me out. But still he seems afraid to lose me, he's still want to know where am I and who I'm with. But there's no other than that from texting. His friends and family don't know about our breakup and everyone thinks we are fine. He's not inviting me to some occasion and he told them that I'm busy. He doesn't tell them about our breakup and problem. He even still hang our and my picture in his bedroom, planning to go abroad with me and his friends without telling me( his friend told me about this), told his friend that we had a break up but he took me back because he couldn't bear seeing me like that.

However, there's a female friend told me that she heard my friends said that they saw my bf chat with prostitutes. I'm so depressed and can't believe it. Well, she had a bad reputation about her personality, she used to make my couple friends break up. Then I ask my friends who she told me she heard from, one of them is my cousin, and I ask him whether he knows about my bf texting with who. He said he swear he'doesn't know anything and its impossible to look at others phone and read their text. I don't know which one is being honest and I'm so depressed. In one hand, my bf is passive aggressive towards me, if I asked him to meet, he seems like lazy to meet me and avoiding me, but if I ignore him, he asked me am I busy? Can I live without him?

I don't know he become passive aggresive because of being insecure and trying to control me or he's really texting with the prostitutes. Fyi, he just start his own business and he told me about that but he lied to his family because they're not supportive ( which shows that he's still apreciate me to let me know). He's a wonderful man, but now he's just unsure and tired of our relationship and his life.

What can I do to mend our relationship back (how can my parents help? Maybe talk to him?) I'm just so tired of passive aggresive he did to me and I wish there way to stop this behavior.

View related questions: a break, cousin, depressed, got back together, insecure, prostitute, text

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A female reader, MSA United States +, writes (16 November 2014):

MSA agony auntThere seems to be a lot of issues going on here... you need to tackle them one by one. First things first, you need to mend the relationship with your boyfriend. Often times, couples in love who had a break from each other come back even stronger.. they miss the other person, they miss the bond, they miss the physical contact (holding hands, hugging, and of course sex). They are always together and all over each other.

Your boyfriend may be stressed and needs reassurance of your relationship. Sometimes, you will just need to give a little more. I would pamper him a bit.. to show your support and love. Maybe simple things as giving him a massage when he gets home at night, making a warm meal for him either for when he comes home from work, or packing a special lunch and bringing it to his work for him. Sending him texts several times a day letting him know how you are, that you're thinking of him, that you're looking forward to seeing him, or a sweet memory you both share, or just a sweet quote, or just a simple MUUUAAHHH (kiss). Do a little more to show him your love... he will appreciate it.

Regarding the friend who told you about him texting prostitutes... don't take it to heart. Leave that for now. Once you are able to reconnect and mend your relationship, I'm sure he will only be thinking of having sex with you!

Be supportive of his business decisions and his family...

It will all work out.. just try a little harder! Best of luck!

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