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He's perfect but I have unwanted thoughts about him. How do I get rid of this?

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Question - (27 January 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 March 2007)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I really like this guy. He is PERFECT and one of the nice guys which is what i need too. I feel like my anxiety is way up there right now since we are getting closer to dating. I guestion myself if i really like him or not even though i do. I feel like he can do better. I search for unwanted thoughts alot because i am so used to having them so i even search for unwanted thoughts about him! HELP please! I know it's probbaly just anxiety building up but how do i deal with this?

By the way, i am pretty sure i have OCD Pure-O so i am going to obsess but sometimes i think what if it's not OCD?! and i worry

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2007):

okay love, RELAX, just take 5 deep breaths right now, okay now get the phone and call this guy, tell him you think hes really nice and you'd like to date him, i dunno go cinema or something your choice, just dont fall into the 'hes perfect so i must be perfect to' trap, always be yourself, or he'll end up loving a different person, not the real you.

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A female reader, Nikita United Kingdom +, writes (27 January 2007):

Nikita agony auntwell I cant tell if you have OCD or not but if you're ver obssessive about things, ie, washing your hands a lot, touching things all the time, (my brother does this all the time and has a mild version of it), doing things in a repetitve way, becoming worried and anxious if you dont repeat certain rituals then I would say that you may have it yes. Only your doctor could tell you for sure though. As for this guy, maybe you're just not ready for a relationship with him especially if its causing you this much anxiety.If you really like him and want to go out with him then try and relax about everything. He may seem perfect but dont tag him with that label too much because you'll end up disappointed. No one is perfect and he wont be able to live up to that which is probably what you've been doing and thats why you're feeling like this. Try and have fun with him and dont expect too much and if you get too anxious just remember he's only human. Good Luckx

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (27 January 2007):

Yos agony auntOCD is very hard to deal with without outside help. When you start thinking about something it's easy to slip into obsessive thought patterns about it; so its hard to think about it 'constructively' instead of 'obsessively'. I recommend getting some therapy / counseling. This is something a therapist will be familiar with and trained to help with. You really benefit from an outside / objectvie viewpoint, something a therapist provides.

Also helpful is doing some more meditative stress-reduction activities. Yoga, Tai-Chi, meditation, something like that. These can train you to relax your mind and let go of nagging thoughts. I myself have obsessive tendencies and have found Tai Chi a big help.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007):

Now, what on earth is OCD? Anyway. Have you made definite plans to meet on a particular day and time? Natural to have some "butterflies" if you like him, but do try to relax!

He might SEEM perfect right now - but remember, you don't know him! All of us have "feet of clay", you know! Probably he is very nice, though.

Take it easy; take it slow, don't go jumping into bed with him right off the bat - you probably know better than to do that, right? - and you'll do just fine.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007):

Now, what on earth is OCD? Anyway. Have you made definite plans to meet on a particular day and time? Natural to have some "butterflies" if you like him, but do try to relax!

He might SEEM perfect right now - but remember, you don't know him! All of us have "feet of clay", you know! Probably he is very nice, though.

Take it easy; take it slow, don't go jumping into bed with him right off the bat - you probably know better than to do that, right? - and you'll do just fine.

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