| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My partner of two years is such a flirt. He isn't gorgeous to look at but he thinks he is. Everywhere we go, i know as soon as a good looking girl comes in he will ogle her. somehow he will end up making her notice him. If we go in a pub the barmaid has to be targetted. If she is pretty all the better. I drives me wild, yet he says he is the happiest he has ever been because he is with me! I think this is just a way of getting his own way. We are supposed to be getting married next year and i just cannot talk about it. He also says he is gregarious and that is why he has to talk to all of them. I dread to think what he is like at his work cos there are loads of women there and we are supposed to be going to the Christmas do in January. Do you think i am over reacting. I have never been jealous with any of my previous partner, and never thought i was the jealous type but he is bringing the worst out in me.Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2006): The fact you mentioned it to him and he brushed it off is very concerning.
This is very insenstive of him and yes, he heard you were unhappy that he flirts which doesn't make sense to a faithful, devoted, loving, sensitive, caring, honest man who is in love with the woman he desires and loves.
I know as I have such a man in my life.
Whenever I raise a concern, mind you at first...it's a slow start and there is the reacting phase and then the I'm not a bad person phase which goes to ...why should I change, she is asking too much before some real listening goes on and a change of heart to ...I love her...she wants to be happy with me...I love her; what can I do?
It's a man vs woman thing you have to figure out.
Such a loving relationship that is based on trust, sharing, giving-to be able to be open, exposed to the other and still be found acceptable, loveable, worthwhile, amazing...comes with years of dedication, sacrifice, listening, making promises and keeping them, working together...the list goes on.
You are insecure and "jealous" due to the fact that you spoke what you were thinking and feeling and sharing with him what it does to you and he is making excuses and overlooking your needs and then has you doubting yourself by saying...that is just how he is. What a PRICK.
I say...get some counselling to sort this out and realize that this is a big deal and that he is not trustwothy. Also get some couple's counselling to better figure him out and see just what he is like and so he can see what he is doing.
It may be that he truly doesn't know that flirting with other women and oogling them is offensive and highly inappropriate.
I wouldn't trust such a man either. He gives one very little reason to see him as reliable and honest.
If things don't change...lay down some ground rules and figure out if this is something you can tolerate ( you are not as you are now left feeling worthless and not attractive enough because he doesn't listen to you and hasn't done anything to comfort and support you).
It may be that this is a going nowhere fast relationship.
Couples counselling and some individual counselling.
Best of Wishes Love.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2006): The fact you mentioned it to him and he brushed it off is very concerning.
This is very insenstive of him and yes, he heard you were unhappy that he flirts which doesn't make sense to a faithful, devoted, loving, sensitive, caring, honest man who is in love with the woman he desires and loves.
I know as I have such a man in my life.
Whenever I raise a concern, mind you at first...it's a slow start and there is the reacting phase and then the I'm not a bad person phase which goes to ...why should I change, she is asking too much before some real listening goes on and a change of heart to ...I love her...she wants to be happy with me...I love her; what can I do?
It's a man vs woman thing you have to figure out.
Such a loving relationship that is based on trust, sharing, giving-to be able to be open, exposed to the other and still be found acceptable, loveable, worthwhile, amazing...comes with years of dedication, sacrifice, listening, making promises and keeping them, working together...the list goes on.
You are insecure and "jealous" due to the fact that you spoke what you were thinking and feeling and sharing with him what it does to you and he is making excuses and overlooking your needs and then has you doubting yourself by saying...that is just how he is. What a PRICK.
I say...get some counselling to sort this out and realize that this is a big deal and that he is not trustwothy. Also get some couple's counselling to better figure him out and see just what he is like and so he can see what he is doing.
It may be that he truly doesn't know that flirting with other women and oogling them is offensive and highly inappropriate.
I wouldn't trust such a man either. He gives one very little reason to see him as reliable and honest.
If things don't change...lay down some ground rules and figure out if this is something you can tolerate ( you are not as you are now left feeling worthless and not attractive enough because he doesn't listen to you and hasn't done anything to comfort and support you).
It may be that this is a going nowhere fast relationship.
Couples counselling and some individual counselling.
Best of Wishes Love.
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A
male
reader, DaPPa +, writes (21 December 2006):
Hi. I think you need to speak to him about it, especially if your getting married. it may be hard but do your best to bring the issue up. ask him to tone it down a little. Maybe him acting like hes a good looking bloke is just a way of making himself feel better, maybe he knows hes not that nice but he is able to get attention through his personality. As long as you have no signs of possible cheating or flirting gone to far i think you should just discuss it like i said and work it out.
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