A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, I am distraught. Me and my boyfriend have broken up. We were together tabout 4 months. I have always suffered with confidence and low sef esteem. I dont tink ive trusted him from day 1. He never gave me any reason not to trust him. It was just me being paranoid. I wanted him to help me through my self confidence issues so i tried to speak to him about this. What this done was have a very bad effect on our relationship. He said he cannot be with sum1 who does not trust him. For da whole of last week sumting just did not feel right when we were together. Then he decided to go to the local pub friday night. We had a fight about this and we broke up. Then the next day, i heard he gave a girl working in the bar his phone number. I am gutted.He said he loved me. He just said that i have a lot going for me and he wishes i had more confidence in myself. He cannot spend his time on sum1 that hs no trust in him. He said sorry he gave the girl his number but he was so pissed off over me that he got really drunk that night and he should not have done it. The trouble now is he is not even fighting for this relationship. Its like he doesnt want me anymore just beause i had trust issues. I dont know what to think or how to proceed. Last night he said he is gutted and he loves me. But yet he is not fightin to keep me in his life. I regret ever tellin him bout my self esteem now. How do i get over this. What do you guys think he is feeling about me. Im so hurt i could just die from heart pain right now. We had such a great relationship before all this. We connected on a very deep level. Thank you all in advance!! I have nowhere else to turn. x
View related questions:
broke up, confidence, drunk, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 No relationship can exist without trust I'm afraid. This relationship is doomed from the outset. I went out with a girl in a similar situation and she made my life a living hell because she had self-esteem issues. I would bolt as soon as a girl told me that now after what I've experienced.
Take the positives from this, take a break from relationships, and deal with your low self-esteem issues. Talk to a professional not this (or any other) website.
I hope everything works out for you. Now go do it!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 I get why he's not fighting. Especially if he did nothing to cause you to not trust him.
while trust is earned... if you start a relationship not trusting someone from the getgo it's not fair to them.
and I have to tell you being with someone with low self-esteem is exhausting. and for some folks it's NOT worth it. my now ex husband was like this... it was hard to make him feel loved and lovable because he felt so bad about himself.
what he's feeling I can't imagine... I can tell you that I care about my ex husband. I wish him well but my take is that he is no longer my problem. I felt rather freed by having the burden of stroking his fragile ego lifted.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (26 February 2013):
 First, sorry to hear you are going through such pain right now.
Now TRUST is extremely important in any relationship. However, trust cannot be ASSUMED - i.e., just because a person SAYS "you can trust me", you have to keep in mind that trust is something that is EARNED and demonstrated by his/her behavior. Remember that actions speak louder than words! I note your statement that he didn't give you any reason not to trust him, howver.
The "very bad effect" I think stems from you wanting him to help you come to grips with your self-confidence issues.
We don't know, of course, how much of this problem you revealed to him and asked for help with. A request for some reassurance is one thing, but if these are serious and complicated problems, you probably should seek counseling - with a therapist, or if you belong to a church, then maybe meeting with a clergyperson to discuss it.
The point is, your boyfriend isn't your therapist.
We know you are unhappy with the turn of events, only I hope you can begin to seek professional help - when you once get on top of your lack of self-confidence, you'll be well equipped to form stable, happy relationships in future!
Good luck.
...............................
|
