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He's keeping photos of his Ex girlfriend. Why?

Tagged as: Cheating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 August 2008) 10 Answers - (Newest, 9 November 2008)
A female Canada age 30-35, *poutnik writes:

hi im 24 years old and im in this relationship with my boyfreind for a couple of months and i discovered in his email and as well on his computer pictures of his ex they were all over i spoke to him about it and i told him to get rid of them and just recently i found them again on a disk he had made a copy what does that mean should i confront him??

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008):

short answer is guys don't get as emotional over old photos and don't understand the impact they can have on some women. hey a GF broke up with me because I had pics of an ex in my phone. it's not a big deal from our perspective and the view i've now taken is i'll delete them if they cause the GF problems.

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A female reader, runnerbean United Kingdom +, writes (6 November 2008):

i understand exactly how your feeling. My new boyfriend also has photos of his ex, and valentines cards, which he got out in front of me the other day! Its annoying and confusing, new relationships are rocky at the beginning without added difficutly. But dont let it get you down, as i can see it bothers my boyfriend when i confront him which pushes us further apart from one another. Look it as tho hes yours now, photos are just that, photos! and jst make sure he takes pictures of the two of you ;)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008):

I completely understand how you feel - I was in the same position when I moved in with my boyfriend and found photos of him and his ex girlfriends in all his photo albums, which he had just plonked on the shelf in our living room. I was a bit upset when I found them. It was hard to see him look happy with other women, none of whom I'd heard great things about, which made me think "why are you keeping these when they hurt you?". I am someone who likes a clean break with the past and had destroyed all photos of my exes before I moved in with him - I didn't want to bring all that with me to my new home and life with him. Things I did want to keep from my past that I felt wasn't appropriate to have around I sent to my parents and they keep it in their garage for me. I had kind of expected him to do the same, and was if I'm honest quite miffed that he hadn't! Eventually, after dropping a couple of hints that I was uncomfortable with the albums and getting no where, I just decided to lighten the hell up! We have a wonderful relationship, and he has given me no reason whatsoever to doubt him. Keeping old photos doesn't mean he still loves the women in the pictures - it's just that they're his past, his memories. If they were naked photos, I probably would have been a bit more forceful. But happy snaps are just that. Happy snaps. And I think that by making a big deal of it it was just making me look insecure and mistrustful, which was the last thing I wanted. It was me, not him, that was living in the past. And over time, if you really do love and trust your boyfriend, you will just forget about it, trust me! Good luck!

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A female reader, LIERIN United States +, writes (2 August 2008):

LIERIN agony auntI found many pictures of my boyfriends exe's ... when I told him I saw them .. he showed me all of them on his own .. told me the stories about them ... we were laughting about it ... its a past .. he is not WITH THEM, HE IS WITH YOU .... so who cares about some stupid pictures.

I have to say tho, that after these stories he told me and after showing me all the pictures he throw them away to show me that they are gone ... gone like a wind!!!

Not everyone would do that ... but even if he didnt ,I wouldnt care if he put them in some box in his closet and keep them in there ... as long as they are not real person sitting in his house or he is not meeting up with them .. I shouldnt care less!

Keep your head up high

He is with you for a reason, and no stupid pictures will change it

BTW .. guys usually dont even remember that they have all these pictures of their exes somewhere inthe mess they keep in their rooms hahha

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States + , writes (2 August 2008):

TasteofIndia agony auntAre these nude pictures? If they are, I think you have a right to be upset. But if they're simply pictures, I really think you need to lighten up. I have pictures of all of my ex-boyfriends. Not because I miss them, I hardly even look at them, but all of my exes were and still are friends. Those pictures are memories, just the same as the pictures of girlfriends I don't have anymore.

If these are just pictures of her with clothes on, ask him to put them in a shoebox, but don't ask him to get rid of his memories.

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A female reader, dearkelja United States +, writes (1 August 2008):

dearkelja agony auntI also still have photos of my teenage boyfriends. One is the first boyfriend I ever had and the other took me to prom. I am no longer in love with either of them but I take them out every now and then and remember my past. What is wrong with that. I also have a photo of every car and house I ever owned. I have photos of my daughter's birth, 1st birthday and her dad (my ex-husband) is in those. I can't imagine anyone asking me to toss those or anyone feeling insecure because I have them.

A past is a past and if you can not respect and allow him to have his, then I think you will struggle with this relationship.

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A female reader, sexseahot United States +, writes (1 August 2008):

sexseahot agony auntOkay, you have only been with this guy for two months. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and haven't EVER asked him to get rid of his ex-girlfriends pics, just because that is his past and I wouldn't get rid of mine for anyone. Those are memories and people like to hold onto those. I actually did write on here when I did find the pictures because I really didn't know what to do, but I just got over it. It's not like the pictures are just laying around or up on his walls or anything. Over time, you'll forget about the pictures and just go on with the relationship. I hope you can get over this just like I did. Good Luck!

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A female reader, Ches United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2008):

Hi,

Ask him why he still has them and let him know that it bothers you and see what he says. He should be able to respect you enough to be sensitive to your needs. She is is ex for a reason and he's with you not her - maybe have a picture of your ex lying around and see what he says, if he complains just say "its not nice is it" then he can see where your coming from. Let me know how you get on and good luck xx

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2008):

Jamer70 agony auntA couple of months doesnt mean you can erase his past, like the two ladies said, the guy had a past, had exs maybe long relationship that shaped him into who he is today, as humans we can erase something just becase its over. Everyone has memories and photos and sometimes we like to look back, but it doesnt mean we a lingering in the past.

To make him delete them like AskOldersister says lowers your self worth

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2008):

It's only been a couple of months, I don't think you can demand that he wipes his entire dating history off his computer just yet.

Put yourself in his shoes. Imagine you and he went out for ages and everything was great but eventually it came to an end. Would you then be happy for him to wipe all record of your happy times from his computer and never think about you again?

They were together and they had fun. They took photos. It's made him who he is now so you have to accept he has ex's and has photos of them somewhere.

It's not like she's naked as his desktop photo. They are hidden away not to be looked at regularly but there because he had good times and were friends as well as lovers.

Good Luck!! xx

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