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He's in a gang, but a sweet guy. Is he using me for sex?

Tagged as: Teenage, Trust issues, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 November 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 29 November 2009)
A female United States age 26-29, *tacey1020 writes:

I met *John during the summer in the middle of July through the internet. We have already met in person and after about 2 and a half months of knowing each other, we began dating, which lasted for about 2 weeks.

The reason we broke up is because John is 17, which makes him 2 years older than me and my parents were very untrusting of us and I had no way to contact him since I had no cell phone and my parents wouldn't let me go online.

John and I both live in the same town, but we go to different high schools. We broke up basically because of the distance and because of my parents. After about 2 weeks of being seperated, we started talking and seeing each other again. It was really fun and all. When we saw each other for the first time after our break up, we kissed and made out but it went a little too far. He gave me oral sex. A week later at the football game (my school versus his) we gave each other oral sex. That's when he basically took my virginity with his finger.

I've felt pretty bad about this since we aren't official. The thing about John is that he never calls and we still aren't official, even after everything, and I feel as if though he might just be using me. All my friends and even my brother say so, and I am starting to doubt him. I really like him but I don't know if staying in this relationship is good for me.

He's a really sweet guy and trust me, I know he would never do anything to hurt me, but he has anxiety and he's in a gang and on top of that, he smokes weed sometimes. (no joke) People tell me that I should just get out of the relationship, but there's more to him than just that. We have so much in common. But the thing that worries me is that he might just be using me to have sex because he is still a virgin.

I really think I should just leave him but at the same time I want to be with him so much. So my question is should I leave him, or should I just listen to my heart and stay with him??

View related questions: broke up, oral sex, smokes, still a virgin, the internet

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A female reader, KANDIWRPR United States +, writes (29 November 2009):

KANDIWRPR agony auntok..first off my boyfriend for 2 years now is also a really big GANG member.he smokes and all that..im against weed..i no..im such a hypocrite or watever..but he is so freaken sweet

he acts like a kid and u can tell if he

is really a nice person or not

do u feel like he sweet talks you?and when he took ur V away with his finger did u agree to it?

like the other comment..observe him..see if he really is nice to u..

a way u can tell if he is using u for sex is

if he only contacts u to touch and do things wit u then leaves..if he doesnt keep in contact of course..he is using u..u cant juz have a girl on the side of a gang life and not consider tat to be usin rite??

be careful

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A male reader, mr motivator United Kingdom +, writes (28 November 2009):

Its these 13yr old gang members who steal old ladies handbags, and blame the council their parents the police, david beckham, there brothers mothers cat, that they have nothing else to do but smoke weed commit crime and drop out of school

Dont fall into the category that he obviously is so easily drawn to

use your common sense and stay away until you know your old enough and mature enough to make the right decision about your virginity among other issues

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A male reader, Miguel-Montana United States +, writes (28 November 2009):

Miguel-Montana agony auntthis is were things come a lil tricky because now u have to study him to see if he really is sweet or just wants u for sex. get one of ur guy frends to be frends with him and see how he acts and says about u. if hes all cocky and just talks about how he took ur virginity with a finger leave him it doesnt matter how strong ur feelings are leave it. on the other hand if he talks about it but says how special and grateful and magical or what not the moment was well i guess u could get somewer with him but u have to make him get out this gang stuff and all this weed bussiness cuz one day its gona come bak to haunt him and it might bring up serious issues well good luck its the only thing i can give =/

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009):

"we gave each other oral sex. That's when he basically took my virginity with his finger. "

Can I just say, if his penis did not penetrate you, you are still a virgin. Remember that....

Anyway, jus think about it, dont let love blind your common sense. Please Im not saying he is good or bad, I dont know him. I just think you should decide what you want....

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