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He's had 6 gfs before me and I need to know the details. Should I ask?

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 November 2011) 8 Answers - (Newest, 20 November 2011)
A female Australia age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My bf is the first proper bf I have had and the person I lost my virginity too. However, before me, he had a bout 6 proper gfs and has had sex with them all. This makes me feel a bit uncomfy, but I realise you can't usually get boys without history. However, I feel like I want to know all the details of his past before I accept it and feel more comfortable. Like gf names, length of relationship etc. I've been with my bf for 2 years now, so probably should just accept he has a past but I have this big need for details. Shall I ask for them or just accept that what I don't know can't hurt me?

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (20 November 2011):

chigirl agony auntDon't ask for details. Details will not make you feel better about anything. The problems you have with his past, or issues you have with it, will be there just the same.

However, you can ask the general information. I'd ask for that too, and don't see general information as anything problematic. I think it's quite normal to want to know the basics. Such as how many girlfriends he's had (no need for names), how long the relationships lasted, and whether or not he lived with anyone of them. It's just practical to know. However you are never in a position to judge his past, or look down on it, or belittle it. So be very careful with respecting him and respecting his past decisions.

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A female reader, uroboros United Kingdom +, writes (20 November 2011):

no hun, you don't need the details! let the past be the past, he has moved on.

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A female reader, hannah76 United Kingdom +, writes (20 November 2011):

hannah76 agony auntOh you dont need to know about all these details. They will eat away at you in the future when you least expect it. You dont need to know about what happened here and there and what color pants they wore. Let this go and move on with him.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (20 November 2011):

Honeypie agony auntI agree, you don't NEED the details you WANT to details. And then when you get them... you wish you hadn't.

WHY do you "need" them?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011):

It's good that he was honest about his past. Knowing the details may or may not be helpful. Just be aware that at most ages most people will have some past. However the pattern of their past is important as it may give clues as to whether or not they can be a stable future partner assuming you end up wanting that and knowing this can save you a lot of heart ache and wasted time. The more partners someone has had the more unlikely they will be able to commit to one person for a lifetime imo.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (19 November 2011):

YouWish agony auntWhat more do you need to know? He's had six girlfriends in his sexual past. That's enough for you to know. Names and lengths of relationships? There's no reason that you have to know the details. You're feeling retroactive jealousy, and already you're measuring yourself up against his past girlfriends and wondering if he's comparing you to them.

Let it go...they're all exes for a reason, and he's with you know. The only details you need to know are about HIS character, and it takes time for him to open up as well as you. If you push this issue, you'll be coming off as needy and clingy, which is the virgin stigma.

Just let it go...you're good enough, and if you have feelings for him, you'll enjoy your relationship in the here and now!

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A female reader, Claraw1 Australia +, writes (19 November 2011):

Claraw1 agony auntI don't think you need to know the details. How is knowing the deatils going to help you? Accept that he had a life before he met you and that whatever happened in his past relationships is none of your business. He is with you now and that's all there is to it. Accept that he trusted you enough to be honest with you about his past, and move on. Good Luck.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (19 November 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntwhat would knowing all the details do for you?

I don't think you need the details... I think you need to accept that he was open and honest with you about his past and move on.

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