A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together 3 months,we knew each other before though and its pretty serious. Everything has been good but there is one thing Im not comfortable with and its that hes going away for the weekend with one of his best girl mates. The trip was planned before we got together, and I'd never tell him not to go, I just dont know how to deal with my insecurities. I have said to him that I dont think its appropriate but as it was already booked, I have no right here. He has reassured me that they're just friends, always have been and sleeping in seperate beds. I dont think he would cheat on me, I guess its just the thought of him being away with another girl all weekend, its still a significant amount of time. I cant keep bringing it up as i want him to have a good time... i guess im just wondering if im overreacting and how do I deal with the anxieties? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (14 September 2018):
 Holidays are expensive and often non-refundable. He should not have to cancel a pre-booked holiday that he’s been looking forward to and neither should his friend. His friend happens to be a girl. Lots of guys have close girl friends. Just like gay guys have close guy friends and lesbians have close female friends. It doesn’t have to mean they’re remotely interested or should cancel holidays they’ve worked hard for and been looking forward to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2018): Wow, if you have already agreed to be exclusive (and obviously you have as you say it is serious), this is NOT appropriate for him to be travelling and staying in the same room (different beds- supposedly) with a female coworker.
Actually I think this is fairly inappropriate to be that close to a coworker anyway, girlfriend or not. Drinks on a friday- maybe, but a trip alone together? That is the kind of thing that is ONLY saved for people with romantic interests (usually) or sworn singles...
In any event, if he cared about you at all he would be cancelling the trip explaining that he is now in a relationship, OR offering that maybe you go along with her instead for a girls weekend (or she could volunteer to have you buy her ticket off her).
For me I would not be going ANY further with this man...I would be putting the brakes on hard at this point if he is still travelling with another woman. So what he booked it before? Arrangements can be changed, flexibility can be used.
If he wants to have a relationship with another female that is THAT close- travelling together, sharing rooms, etc.. then why don't they just date? Or perhaps they already are...Tell me this do you think SHE would be travelling with him if she had a boyfriend or husband in the picture...I DONT THINK SO, so why is this okay for him to do so?
Let me tell you, I knew 3 months into dating my fiancee that we were meant to be. We were SERIOUS and he cancelled his plans with another woman (without me asking)...because guess what he had no interest...
Now maybe your boyfriend is a little dense and doesn't realize how inappropriate this is, so I would tell him how you feel. But IF he is not responsive something fishy is going on. What straight man rents a hotel room with a female coworker as "just friends"...let me tell you 99% of straight men do not do that, they are hoping it will turn to romance. And most people would not feel it is appropriate in any event to get that intimate with a colleague...I can't imagine even when I was single asking a male coworker to go on a trip with me- I keep my business life where it belongs- in the office and perhaps for after work drinks on occasion. Not in a hotel room.
I'm sorry but this post just really bothers me as your boyfriend sounds so entitled and not truly committed. You might have to let this guy go because I DON"T think he is being honest or forthright here.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2018): In your mind, you are “together” with him and your relationship is “serious”. If that is true, I would not agree that you “have no right here” or as HoneyPot says, “don't have ANY say in it,” or as Andie says, “it’s none of your business.” If the two of you are now hot and heavy, it’s a whole new ballgame and darn tootin’ you have rights here, a whole lot more than she does. Going with his other girl friend for coffee or lunch – that would be one thing. But going away for a weekend – that’s another thing altogether! No matter how innocent and saintly they profess to be and no matter how much you trust him, it would be highly insensitive of both of them to carry on with their weekend rendezvous, no matter when it was planned.
What can you learn from his actions? I think that in order for him to think it is OK to go, he must consider your relationship to be “less serious” than you. He must have some feelings for you though, because he was concerned enough to explain it all and reassure you. Maybe he really doesn’t want to go, but doesn’t have the nerve to tell the other girl. He must realize that if he goes, he runs some risk of losing you. And if he doesn’t go he runs some risk of losing her friendship. Some would conclude that his decision to go would indicate that he is more concerned about losing her than losing you.
At some point, you might ask him this question: “Do you think it would be appropriate for you to plan a weekend with her now?” If he says, “Yes,” then you would know he is not taking your relationship very seriously. If he says, “No,” then ask him why he thought it was appropriate to go away with her now. Only you can decide what to do about this and what the fallout will be. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 September 2018):
I get why you’re not comfortable, but it’s also none of your business.She’s a friend. You’re new. Even knowing him for a while beforehand doesn’t mean it should be serious this early on. Being friends and being a couple are two very different things, which is why you should take it slow.He doesn’t need to go abroad to cheat. If he’s going to cheat, he’ll do it at home. You trust him not to, so trust him properly.It was already booked, they could lose money and it’s not fair to ruin their holiday, that they’ve been looking forward to, just because you two started dating a couple of months ago.You are overreacting, but it’s understandable that you’re a little insecure about it. What I’d like you to think about is this: if Alison and Beth are lesbian couple who got together 3 months ago, should Beth cancel her pre-booked holiday with her best friend Claire? Your boyfriend is Beth....They shouldn’t have to cancel their holiday with a friend, just because that friend is of the gender they’re attracted to. Being attracted to women doesn’t mean they’re interested in all women, including the female friend.What if your boyfriend books a lads holiday with a few guy friends? He could easily cheat. Would you be uncomfortable with that holiday? It’s the same thing.Don’t get me wrong; I’d be a little insecure/jealous, but I’d still trust him. You need to do the same. You also need to put off the feeling that it’s already a serious relationship; you’re in the honeymoon dating phase.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 September 2018):
 If you don’t think he will cheat then what’s the issue?
That above statement shows that you trust your man, so stand by that until he gives you a reason not to. If he wants to cheat he will do it whether he goes on this trip or not.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 September 2018):
 I get why this makes you feel uncomfortable. You are both serious with each other and it is strange for you him and another girl going away together. Have you asked could you and maybe a friend off yours join as well? Maybe it could be a fun weekend where you all get to know each other. Off course if it is booked and cannot be amended then I guess you just need to trust him that he would never cheat on you. It was booked before you both began dating so I don't see it as him being disrespectful or wanting to make you feel uncomfortable. But at the same time I would tell him how you feel and maybe he can offer some reassurance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2018): Book a weekend with a boy friend or even steal someone bro for the weekend let see how he feels . Just say oo come on its all fun and friendly .
Being honest I wouldn't be too happy either but I wouldn't tell him not to. I would expect him to have the morals to see that it's isn't right a cosy twosome with a female friend not even a group .. just them two.. nope but see what happens
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 September 2018):
 OP, you have been dating for 3 months.
The trip was booked and arranged before you, so NO I don't think you have ANY say in it.
What I would do, in your shoes, is take this as a lesson in trust. Wish him a great vacation and then KEEP busy while he is gone.
And then maybe next time you can join in on a week-end away or have one with him alone.
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