A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Been with my partner almost five years, we have a four year old son together. For the last two years our relationship has been very rocky. It has been an unhappy relationship for me, since being with him he has stopped me seeing family and friends, I ask him why he hates me being around people and his reply is "you need to learn to do things on your own". I don't know what your opinions will be but to me that's the start of a controlling relationship. I'm a very good mother to our child, I do all the school runs, play dates, I always make sure his meal is cooked every night, I take care of the house work, I study and work part time on top of all that, but he still slates me constantly, he won't let me take certain jobs such as waitressing or bar work as he said men will chat me up because I'm attractive. My friends invite me out but I always say no because I know it will cause arguments and he will boot me out of the house,so I have lost a lot of friends over the years due to being with this man. he still does all the things he wants to do but I don't complain to him. So the other night after a long stressful day at work and juggling my child, my friend invited me round to hers for dinner and a film. When I told my partner I'm going to go because I'm fed up of doing everything he says, he snapped and was shouting vile abuse at me, calling me names, and said I need to move out. He shouts vile abuse at me in front of our little boy. And for some reason this time it just clicked, I thought "why the hell am I still with this man, I'm wasting my life away being unhappy". So now I'm certain I am leaving him, I just can't go until I have saved enough money to get a place, but he is being very unreasonable about it and says I have to go in a few days. Obviously I don't earn any where near as much as him due to working part time and the other half studying a degree, I just think the way he's being is unfair. But somehow he worms his way back in, in the end, and I fall for it. I don't love him anymore due to all the controlling behaviour over the years its now turned to hate towards him, but obviously its horrible knowing that my relationship has broken down. I just don't know what to do next or how I'm going to afford a place to live, especially being near christmas and all. My family are hoping I never go back to him, they said they want me to start being happy again. I just want some advice, and am I the one that's wrong in all of this? Because he always makes me believe everything is all my fault and now I just think I can't do no right anymore.
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female
reader, TJ14  +, writes (29 October 2014):
no sweeetyyyy you're not at fault here. i would suggest you leave him now because I don't think your child should be traumatized by all this and think of yourself too. be happy. Take your family's support. take a friends support its k to ask help. You will be fine. You will find a better guy give it some time right now think of YOU and your son
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (29 October 2014):
 What a grade a a$$hole. He sounds very controlling and bad for you.Stay away and lean on your family for support.
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A
female
reader, Melanie0517  +, writes (28 October 2014):
Oh my goodness, please get out of that relationship.
It's only going to get worse and he has the classic signs of an abuser. No one should EVER tell you what you can and can't do. You can't have a job as a waitress? You can't? Yes, you can. You can do whatever you want because it's your life. Find someone who respects that.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 October 2014):
 you are right to leave
isolating you is but ONE big step in abuse.
can you stay with family or friends or a woman's shelter?
I would get out as fast as I could.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 October 2014):
 Why wait till you have saved enough? Why not ASK your family for help? Move in (temporarily) with family till you can get a place for you and your son.
He's taken YEARS to slowly isolate you from your friends and family and you LET him, it seems though that you now realize that HE really doesn't HAVE to right to do this. He is your partner NOT your parent. He can't tell you what JOB you can take, whom you can see/talk to and when.
NOW that you KNOW you are NOT wrong, you are NOT the problem here, HE and HIS attitude is, USE that to ASK for help and WALK away.
Your family WANTS you away from him, not because they want to control you, but they WANT what's best for you - he ISN'T it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 October 2014):
 I think he did you a big favour by finally booting you out of the door, since so far you haven't had the determination, courage and lucidity to terminate an abusive relationship.
Only, he is bluffing, because he knows it's likely to end like other times- he threatens to throw you out,.. you chicken out, and , rather than being relieved, start finding ways and excuses to make it last a little more,... and in the meantime he "worms his way " into your good graces and everything stays the same. And you can bet he counts on that.
Prove him wrong. Just go. It's hard, it's difficult- but, you do have family, and friends . Go back to them, and restart from there while you save money for getting a place of your own. Yeah, maybe it won't be easy or conveninet for them either- hey they are your family
( and they hate him, too ). Ask for help when you really need it. This is an emergency and you need their help.That's what family ( and friends ) are for.
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