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He's cheated on me, now what?

Tagged as: Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 March 2011) 10 Answers - (Newest, 7 March 2011)
A female United States age 18-21, *jroller14 writes:

My boyfriend is telling me he has practically cheated on me, and he told me the reason he was telling me because he didn't want me to get upset by hearing it from someone else but i wish he had never told me.

When i see him i just can't get mad, so i act like i never heard it. He just always makes me smile, when i see that jet black hair, lip ring, gaged ears. i just cant get angry at him.

I don't know what to do anymore, I don't wanna hear these things coming from his mouth or anyone else's, so what do i do?

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A female reader, Sjroller14 United States +, writes (7 March 2011):

Sjroller14 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Sjroller14 agony aunt1. I know what the legal age is. He said he wants to get me a promise ring but doesn't have the money right now.

2. I'm just confused so i ask a lot of questions I get paranoid a lot.

And it has been two months since yesterday (3/6/11)

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (4 March 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntAll of your posts are about your boyfriend, he's been an ongoing issue.

Your friend flirts with him, he allows it. There's rumors surrounding your relationship, drama with Facebook that he was messaging some girl, and now he's cheated. What's next? He's gay?

You spend half your time complaining about some new issue with him, you haven't had time to be happy in this relationship. How long have you two been together? Your last post I believe said 7 weeks. 7 WEEKS and he's already asking you to marry him? Well if he loved you sooo much where's the ring and why did he cheat? If he loved you and was dead serious about marrying you, then he would give you a promise ring and be FAITHFUL.

This boy is giving you nothing but lip service, he says this and that, just to say it. So you'll stay with him.

Guys are going to try to tell you what you want to hear all your life, jerks are going to cheat on you, and boys lie. When you get older you're going to grasp that concept eventually.

So either break up with him(you're really better off) or continue to be with him..but don't complain about it.

P.S The legal age to get married is 18(for both). Only way you can get married before that is if your parents or legal guardian legally signs for you to get hitched in a court of law.

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A female reader, moon river  United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2011):

moon river  agony auntit's never good to act in denial. I think once you've seen whats happened truely you will come to the right conclusion that you can be with someone truely committed whether thats a forgiven boyfriend or someone new

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A male reader, Mark_25_ United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2011):

Mark_25_ agony auntFirstly, I think Lulu lol is completely wrong, you shouldn't have to look at yourself, there is no excuse for cheating and the idea Lulu is suggesting you could have driven him to it is just rediculous.

I don't want to sound condecending, but you are young, and most people at your age want the fairy tale: Meet at school, grow up together, soul mates, live happily ever after. And that's probably what your wanting to hang on to.

I honestly would walk away, and you should too. There isn't any excuse for cheating, and there's nobody worse than a cheat. He's going to be thinking, "can't believe I got away with that!". Because you've chosen to ignore it and still see him as a perfect guy, he knows that he can walk all over you. I know you'll say that "he's not like that" but the fact is he's cheated. The problem is, you see him as perfect and the love of your life, and when he does something bad, you cover it up with all the good things. The only way you can really know what to do is listen to outsiders, your friends etc. They can tell you what is really happening, because whether you like it or not, your always going to be seeing him with a halo around his head lol.

Sorry that it was quite a blunt way of putting it!

I hope it helped, and good luck :)

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (3 March 2011):

No matter how much you love him, he will always just be the guy who cheated. And now he knows he can get away with it, he'll do it again.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011):

Well OP, what are you going to do about it? He's not all that "sweet" if he's cheating on you. You need to take your head out of the clouds. Marriage? I'm sorry but this guy has no intention of making you his wife.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (3 March 2011):

I agree with The walkin' Dude.

You need to let this guy go, now. You're still young, and you'll find that there are far better guys out there. If you accept poor treatment from guys now, then they will all continue to treat you badly as long as you live! You mustn't accept crappy treatment, because the more you accept, the worse it will become.

If you accept crap treatment, all you will get is crap treatment.

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A female reader, Lulu_lol United States +, writes (3 March 2011):

Lulu_lol agony auntWEll.

First of all - why did he cheat?

Coz if you are dating some one who is promiscuous...you are in for a tough ride. But if there are some other issues...which drove him to the point where he cheated ; maybe you need to take a look at yourself.

Secondly,maybe you can give him a second chance...but not more than that. HE's already been unfaithful...so you'll always distrust him regarding this...so do make it clear to him that if he goofs up again, you are done.

I know you love him...but do you want to be with someone who doesn't even have this much self restraint and respect for you?

I mean if he was in love;why did he do this?

Think over it.

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A female reader, Sjroller14 United States +, writes (3 March 2011):

Sjroller14 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Sjroller14 agony auntThe thing is I really do Love this guy with all of my heart, he has even asked me to marry him in a few years, because of our age differences, I told him I would like that!!!!!! He has been the sweetest guy I have ever dated. and then he told me this. I haven't spoke about it, just been ignoring it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011):

He's cheated on you and you have basically shown him that you are willing to put up with it. You are very young and obviously like this guy but you need to actually open your eyes a little and see him for who he really is.

He's disrespected you in the worst way and you have just stood there and and taken it. You need to show him that you know your own worth and you won't be treated like that. You should make it clear that if he even THINKS about doing ANYTHING with another girl behind your back again, you're gone.

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