A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OK I'm in quite a dilemma, I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, and it's getting difficult to cope with his friends not liking me. In April my boyfriend and his friends were out and I turned up super late because of a birthday I was previously. I was sober, yet his friends were quite drunk. I was fine with this, because to them getting drunk together is a normality. I didn't really get a chance to buy a drink before his first friend A came up to me and said I've got to stop being jealous... No hello, just accusation. I was obviously taken aback and apologised for her thinking that. My boyfriend and her are very close, and yes one time I felt uneasy when we were at a pub and he had his arm around her whilst I sat down on my own (shoes were killing me-huzzah). Another girl in the group caught me looking and instantly said I was obviously giving evils (yes she was drunk and probably stirring). But this resulted in A acting like this to me out of the blue. So I apologised and went outside for air, because I felt a bit anxious. I found some of my friends outside, and ended up talking to them, my drunk boyfriend comes out and says that we are all going back to his and B's flat for drinks, and my boyfriend proceeded to invite my friends too. So we all walked to theirs, seeming happy. Then for some reason carnage occurred. I was outside (still sober) trying to get my friend to cool down who is diabetic. And next minute B's girlfriend C comes along with A and says 'get rid of your friends now, they aren't welcome and your boyfriend doesn't even want them here' I apologised but mentioned I didn't invite them, but will do what she says. She then turned to me and said 'stop looking so morbid Jesus' and walked back in with A. I know i seem a bit of a wet blanket but I cried because of how aggressive she was. My boyfriend was inside talking to one of my friends. So when I went to go inside A and B slammed the door in my face, bolted it and locked it with a key. I knocked on the door and said it was me, and could they let me in. They just laughed and walked back upstairs. I proceeded to cry, and called my boyfriend to open the door, I was a mess and I got all my friends out. This was all so so dramatic.My boyfriend wasn't happy with how his friends acted, he was fuming the next day and I just cried continuously. He spoke to them and they all believe they did nothing wrong. We are now in August, and I've still not heard an apology or even a hello, I've not even seen them since that event. I have not stopped my boyfriend from seeing them, and he often gets drunk with them... Which I admit makes me very uncomfortable because they get him so drunk he doesn't remember much (and trust me I've confronted him about it and he just claims I don't trust him).Well I have been nagging for him to fix his friends situation so I can feel included again, rather than feeling like I tip toe around them. So finally after 3 months he confronted them again simply asking 'is everything OK with us all and my girlfriend' To which they all said, yes everything is fine it's all water under the bridge. 2 days later they all unfriend me on FB. I feel so isolated and upset, and my boyfriend is in the middle, I'm not asking him to choose him or his friends, just to fix this situation. They are all so chummy which both his exes, and I feel left out. What should I do? I don't want to lose my boyfriend but it's putting such a strain on our relationship For people who are 28 they aren't acting very well to their age. I feel older than them!
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male
reader, mfj78 +, writes (10 August 2015):
Sorry but this all sounds a right drama which you are getting too old for.
Time to leave this stuff to teenagers don't you think? Get out of this crap relationship and find a guy who has a lot more maturity and a decent group of friends.
Firstly he sounds like he gets drunk, very drunk, way too often with a group of so called friends who manipulate and probably feed lies and bullshit to him when he is too pissed to know right from wrong, reality from fantasy.
Secondly its okay to judge a person on their friends. If he was sensible, mature and wanted to make the relationship work he wouldn't hang around with immature people who cause stress, drama and issues.
Thirdly, to be blunt, you are an adult, a grown woman. You really don't want, need or have to endure such childish nonsense. Your BFs friends act like high school adolescence rather than adults - unfriending you on Facebook, locking you out....please! 28? more like 12!!!
You have out matured both your boyfriend and his friends. Sorry but even though your BF may not be the one causing the problems, he is still close friends with a group of immature drama queens acting like insecure school girls. That must tell you something about your partner and his level of maturity.
It would be wrong to demand he stops seeing his friends, and who he wishes to be friends with is his choice, but if at 28 he is STILL getting pissed regularly with a group of over dramatic bitches then he needs to go back to his toys quite frankly.
You are at the age/life stage where you should be looking at the bigger picture relationship wise. The bigger picture her is that your BF wants to go out getting drunk with silly kids, you want a grown up relationship with mature people....time to find a decent guy who has outgrown the drama and bull!
Mark
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2015): Birds of a feather flock together. If these are the kind of people he prefers to carouse with; then you've pricked the wrong group to be in. Your boyfriend is old enough to decide how much alcohol he should consume; so don't blame his friends for getting him drunk.
He's as much of an ass as any of those friends you've described; because he does absolutely nothing to make you feel welcomed or included. Nor does he make a serious effort to stop those two bwitches he calls friends, to stop being so drunkenly obnoxious and belligerent. He doesn't stop them, because that's how they party!
You're running with the wrong pack. You chose the wrong guy, and now you want everybody to change to suit you. They don't have to change for you. You don't feel welcome; so the only thing you can do is stop crying and nagging, and dump the sonofabitch.
It wouldn't hurt you to toughen up a bit. Crying invites bullies to attack you. If you can hold back the tears, do it. You may gain more respect by standing up to them; and stop running to your useless boyfriend. You'll eventually dump him; because they'll all wear you down. He doesn't really care; because those are his friends, and he's as much of a jerk as they are.
Eventually you'll come out of that fog in la-la-land, and see things for what they are. He just isn't worth the aggravation.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 August 2015):
 I remember all your other posts on this subject and I will give the same advice as before...
Don't date someone who has shitty friends, because IT IS a reflection of him. If they treat you like dirt, and he does nothing? A reflection of WHO he is.
Maybe you ARE too sensitive, maybe they just don't like you. Who knows. But... as YOUR BF, he should at least tell them to leave you alone and stop messing with you. They RUN i na pack, you are not part of this pack, NEVER will be and at some point HE will dump you.. for that reason. Unless YOU choose to just walk away and stop wasting any more time of that pack of drama-queens.
I've had male friend who dated girls I just didn't like., but I have NEVER been mean or rude to them. What's the point in that?
And, no you can't make him choose. If you did try to do that.. I think he would choose his friends. I think he likes the fact that these female "friends" are spiteful to you. Because it makes him feel special.
Sorry, there is no "magic" fix for this. Leave or stay and suck it up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2015): Your boyfriend is being rather immature. Are you having a casual/ just for now relationship or are you thinking longterm?
If you are thinking longterm can you imagine a husband who would go out with his friends without you because THEY don't like you and are immature? You don't have to make him choose. It's fairly clear that if he was serious about you he wouldn't be friends with them any more.
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