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He's bisexual, but I love him, how do I get over this love?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 July 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 27 July 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, *ris_0509 writes:

I am absolutely in love with my best guy friend, but I really can't be. I've had strong feelings for him for about 3 years now and at the beginning of the year I told him how I felt. The problem comes in because I told him that I wanted to lose my virginity to him. He agreed but we never did it. Also recently he told me that he's bisexual. I have been supporting him with that. We talked last night about it and he said that maybe we shouldn't do it because he doesn't feel worthy (his word) of being my first because all that has been going on. I guess he might have a point. My feelings won't changed even tho I have tryed. I just can't stop loving him even tho I think it's best. What is the best way to get over someone without losing them completely? I can't see life without him but, these feels need to really go away.

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A female reader, Aris_0509 United States +, writes (27 July 2010):

Aris_0509 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Aris_0509 agony auntThanx for all the answers I appreciate it really. Just to clear a bit up tho ...... I have no problem with him being bi or gay or whatever he's my bestfriend. I just don't want to be in love anymore. We have done stuff but never went all the way. I phased that wrong, thanx for all the responces.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (26 July 2010):

BrownWolf agony aunt

You have problems getting pass one man? Have you looked around to see how many men there are?

I was told a long time ago...Stop staring at that one tree, because you will miss the forest.

Mr. right could be in front of you, but you are too busy look the wrong way.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (26 July 2010):

Fatherly Advice agony auntAris,

You have strong connections to this person. You have had feelings for him for three years. Because of this you are making a mistake.

You have already decided that the relationship will go no further. His lifestyle choices are not compatible with your morals, or future plans, or whatever. In your mind you have decided that you need to be free of him and go and find your own dream.

But, your heart is holding you back. Like many young women you are afraid to sever your connections. Even when you know they are bad for you. This is exactly the reason some people stay in abusive relationships. They risk their health, sanity, and even their lives to keep those connections.

You need to let it go. Here is the textbook answer to how is the best way to do that. You both need to agree to a period of no contact. I mean not even a text message. I'm sure he will agree to this as he seems to have your best interests at heart. I'm not very sure you will agree. The period of this no contact rule should be at least 6 months. During that time you will also need to go out and meet people and interact on a social level with boys. If you just lock yourself up for six months it won't work. You can mourn for some of the time but the point of this is to move on.

So if you will agree to this you can "get over him". If you insist on keeping active ties with him you will never fully escape.

FA

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010):

ok well hun..i think that you should just have sex with hima and see if you like that and that will dcide if you like him cuz all my boys have been good and then this one guys was TERRIBLE and we never hooked up again but the real thing is stop and think about it..why do you like this guy and what keeps you attracted to this kid? what ever makes you happy!(: hope it all works out for the best

..Robyn Leigh

3

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A male reader, rivi United States +, writes (26 July 2010):

You have offered to have sex with him.

He has declined.

That is because he doesn't want to have sex with you -if he did those pants would have slid off his legs pretty pronto, believe me.

Sounds like he is in the closet to himself but the main point is in reality you are not going to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with this man.

So find that with someone else - keep him on as a Platonic good friend.

It isn't going to happen so stop wasting time on agonizing over it.

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