A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and this guy were not officially a couple but have been very close for a number of months and were planning to be together once we'd tied up a few loose ends, like he was still living with his ex partner etc. However, me being nosey and insecure found messages after browsing his facebook, to another girl suggesting he wanted more. I don't feel threatened by her, but I still feel he's betrayed my trust. Technically he was single so I don't know if I'm over reacting, but I don't think it needed to be made official to know we were practically together. I would love some advice on what to do next.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Red Flag #1. You never date a guy who is still living with his ex, for some reason it's extremely difficult for them to move out. When it really shouldn't be. I forecast it's going to be quite a while before he actually does leave, or if she kicks him out.
Red Flag #2. You're not even official and you're already snooping through his Facebook. Starting the relationship with very little trust in him. He's actually single so he can talk to whatever girl he pleases.
However, if he was focused solely on you he wouldn't be messaging her and be more worried about moving out. Caring is right, rethink getting into a relationship with him.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 November 2010):
This is already a bad sign. Before you've even gotten together, you've been insecure and nosey and checked his facebook. And you've already found something you don't like.
At the same time, there are issues such as him living with his ex (Why?), and even though you did do a bit of snooping, you've found something that could indicate a problem.
I would really sit down and think about this relationship (if you can call it that), because before you've even made it official, there are problems. And that's bad.
I do think there is a certain over-reaction from you which is caused by your insecurity (something you NEED to deal with). But at the same time, there do appear to be issues with this guy.
So, my advice is that you think VERY carefully about whether you want to continue with this, given that before it's even started, there are already issues.
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A
female
reader, 0000BraveHeart0000  +, writes (27 November 2010):
OK, you are right about the fact that he is still single as you said you are not quite official but you would like to be. I find it strange though that he is still living with his ex when he wants to be with you. I do not give you wrong for questioning his love for you based on the mssgs on FB and the new girl. Like who is she? I will tell you this though, TRUST YOUR INTINCTS.
If you have a gut feeling that there is more to him and this girl than meets the eye then go with it. However, if you wish to approach him on the subject matter, make sure you have evidence because you do not want to chase him away, give rise to anger or look like an idiot for no reason at all. I think you should do a little more background check on him, that is what I always do because you cannot believe everything a guy says. If you find out what your heart feared then have a talk with him and YES, he would be betraying your trust as he gave you the assurance that you two would be together in x amount of time and that constitutes an agreement or contract if you will. He would be going against the plan.
Hope I helped.
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