A
female
age
22-25,
*otmunchies
writes:Please help me! I am 22, and have been in a relationship with a lovely guy for 6 months - but I don't know if I should continue.I've recently come to thinking that he may not be 'the one' - he just isn't the ideal guy for me, not that he isnt a lovely guy. He treats me really well, genuinely loves me, and is willing and happy to accept my young son as part of the deal. He is a wonderful man, but i don't believe he is right for me. Culturally we are different, and many things I enjoy hold no interest for him. I desperately want to talk about things or people he doesn't know of, for example. I know he doesnt have any doubts about me, which makes it so much worse; he says he sees himself marrying me.The problem is I can't bring myself to let him down or to upset him, as I know i will if I end things. He's a genuinely lovely man and has proved he really cares about me! I dont know if I should 'settle' for the relationship (I know that sounds terrible) because, being a single mother, i'm not confident of finding another boyfriend. It sounds terrible to say, but it's almost as if i'm using him as a stopgap until a better opportunity comes along. Is it time I realized what I have in this man and realized no man will be perfect? I'm so unhappy and have no idea what to do, please help me! Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, romance888  +, writes (17 May 2009):
what is it that you want. Do you even know your own heart? Have you really processed what is in your heart. what do you want in a guy? Of the things you want, what are the most important things? How do you feel about each of the things that are important to you and how does each of these things related to this guy you are seeing.
I wonder if you really know your own heart and it would be a good idea to get in touch with the real wants and desirs of your hear to see what is there. These other things may be surface issues to the real issues......
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): I think people always judge too quickly about 'the one'.. it can happen both ways that when you find 'the one' they are not the one for you... you are really young and it's true to say that you are too young to settle down... but in my experience, people always tend to give up the good ones in the the hope of someone better... you've got to ask yourself 'what is better' and yes you might find them, but then again you might not... honesty is good, but it sounds to me that he is perfect, kind, considerate and loves you... so what more do people actully want... but yes you have to go with your heart and head at the end of the day. Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, unclezak  +, writes (14 May 2009):
It will probably hurt him more if you do leave him for somebody else than to just leave now
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): Hello.
It's sounding like you like this guy lots, but as a friend. I think you need to sit him down and explain to him how you are feeling, to prevent any further hurt. You can't lie to him and you definatley can't lie to yourself. I think 22 is a young age to be settling down, so if you're not in love with this guy, I would break it off sooner rather than later. In time he will get over it, although he will probably be hurt at first, and eventually you will both find people who you love, and will consider spending your life with, even if that is in the far future.
Basically i think you should just be honest with him.
Good Luck, and let us know how it goes =]
xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 May 2009):
 You are only 22. Don't settle. That isn't fair on him either.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emivia  +, writes (14 May 2009):
 I agree with Gina.
You are so young... And I'm presuming you boyfriend isn't on his last legs either.
Why remain so unhappy for the rest of your life with all these "He's not the one for me" thoughts? You'll just waist your time and end up hurting him more if you let this build up more.
It's ok to be on your own for a while, there is no harm in being single. It doesn't mean that you'll end up alone forever.
I'm getting the feeling that the only reason you are staying in the relationship is because you are more comfortable being in a relationship than being single, but is that really fair on your boyfriend?
He is a nice person as you say, so wouldn't you rather save him the pain of growing more attached to you, just to have you dump him further on down the line, when you meet "The one"?
Sorry if that came across a little harsh. I know it's hard for you. You seem to be a considorate person.
Just concentrate on your son for a while and building friendships.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 + ♥, writes (14 May 2009):
 I agree with Gina, you need to leave this guy it is just not fair to him and not fair on your son. Your child will start to think of this guy as his dad and what happens if you find another guy, then you will have to seperate from the man he sees as his dad and explain to him why there is a new man!
This guy clearly loves you but you dont feel the same way for him - it is not fair on your boyfriend to lead him on like this. I understand how you feel and I have been in a similar situation a number of times before, it is a tough choice to make becauase if you are happy with this man (happy but not in love) then really you have no good reason to leave! But in reality, you have to be true to your heart and believe that love is out there but you just havent found the right guy yet.
Like Gina said, you are still young so I dont think settling for this guy is a good idea. I think you should end this now, before it gets any more complicated and before your son gets even more attached. Make sure when you do meet someone new that you dont allow him to be around your son until you are 110% certain that he is someone you really can see yourself marrying/being with for a long time, and make sure it is someone you really love. You dont want your son to keep getting attached and then the man leaving, this is not fair on your little boy. So try and keep partners out of the way until you are really sure about them.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (14 May 2009):
 Whilst you might find it tempting to use him as a stopgap till someone better comes along it is not the decent thing to do with a person is it?
I would cut my losses i would rather have nothing than be with someone i didn't love what is the point of wasting two lives here?
You will meet other men your young and have time on your side and when the right one does come along you wont have all these nagging doubts.
Gina
...............................
A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (14 May 2009):
 You're right that no man is perfect, but there's someone out there who's perfect for you. Please don't settle for this man when you don't see a future with him, you'll only end up resenting him. I stayed with my ex for years because I was afraid of being alone and didn't think I had much chance of finding anyone else if I became a single mum. I ended up resenting my partner and he felt pushed away so we parted on bad times. If you do stay with this man, you'll be in exactly the same position you are now a few years down the line. He sounds like a lovely guy and you obviously care for him so do the right thing for you both. You won't be alone forever, you'll find someone that you want to spend your future with. I've found that most men are not put off by the fact that a woman has children even though that's what I'd previously thought. Also, I didn't want to teach my child to settle for second best and I'm sure you don't want to do that to your child either. I know this will be difficult so I wish you luck, whatever you decide to do. x
...............................
|
