A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I currently like a guy, (in his 50s...), we do enjoy spending time together whenever I'm visiting his city, and he writes pretty much every day, or whenever I reply him. We're not officially anything, just 2 good friends. We sometimes flirt through body contact, but not through conversation or writing. And I can't for the life of me tell if he's interested in anything more. (Yeah even at my age). Every time I think, nah, he's just a friend who enjoys my company, he does or say somethng to make me think of possibilities. (suggesting going on holiday together, inviting me to spend the whole day at his home etc.).I've subtly hinted I like him (outright complimenting him, holding his hand, touching him etc.), I read some of his interest (constant eye contact, touching, and that we're in constant body contact when walking: brushing arms and shoulders etc). But that's it. It's becoming a distraction, as in i"m becoming very emotionally invested. I'm not sure if there is any chance at all, and I don't know how much more forward I should be (though I'd rather not blurt it all outright) or just to leave it and let him dictate the pace. I should mention that he's a widower of 1.5 years.
View related questions:
flirt, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for the replies! I've known him for well over 2 years, I know his family pretty well (his late wife, his adult son (about to be married himself), father, siblings etc.). But being this close to him has only been the past 4 months or so. He was very ill and I'd been flying over to visit him. It's really only been the last 2 months that I noticed his interest.
He is grieving but slowly moving on. I can literally see the change over the past half year.
Regarding the distance, I've been trying to find a job in his city (though this is my personal choice, rather than anything to do with him). I agree the distance is a problem, though sometimes I feel it's an positive at the moment, as it forces me to be away from him.
Of course my worry is that he will only want to be friends, and if he does, I can't walk away either. It's not his fault I've fallen for him and he is very lonely. The general advice is to wait and see, and I will try my best to do that.
Basschick, that is a question I would like to ask. But I don't want to scare him into hiding...
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Well one of you is gonna have to say it sooner or later. All these guessing games is going no where. He's had plenty of time to formally mourn in the appropriate sense. Not that he doesn't still feel sad for his loss, but the fact that he's willing to open this door with you, shows he is ready to move on somewhat. I think the bigger problem for this relationship is the fact that you don't live in the same city. He may be keeping his distance because of this. So the next time he invites you to do something with him, wait until the date is over, and you're back at his place for a nightcap and then ask him if he feels like he would ever want to be involved with anyone, now that his wife is gone. See where this conversation goes. But listen closely and try to be objective. He may only want to be friends. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): Where and how did you meet him?
How long has he been widowed? If its not that long usually under two years he probably likes you but feels guilty of betraying his lost wife- it takes men longer usual;y emotionally to get over things. He is probably very glad of your friendship and he is probably lonely.
With a widower take it slowly slowly and see what develops in its own course!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 How long have you two been friends like this?
because if it's been more than 3 or 4 months he's not interested in more....
Has he done grief counseling? therapy for the loss of his wife? does he have children with her?
you may have to ask him point blank where he sees the relationship going and let him know if he's not interested in more that you may have to stop seeing him as you are getting to attached.
...............................
|
