A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi My husband and I were talking and he and I have been married over ten years. Around ten years ago we were separated for a year but were still close, didn't live together but it was hard to tell we weren't married. Anyway the question is he just told me that ten years ago right before we got back together, he had been dating and slept with 4 other women before I moved back in. But ten years ago when I asked him if he was sleeping with anyone he said no he had tried but he loved me so much he just couldn't get an erection. But that was a lie. I have based my whole idea of why I love him so much over the fact that he had said his love was so strong for me he could sleep with anyone else. Here it is ten years later, what do I do? How should I feel? He says I making a big deal over nothing but it is something to me! He lied!Just wanted to know how and what others would do and feel?
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erection, got back together Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (10 December 2008):
 He probably kept it from you at the time because he did not want to upset or ruin any further chances with you.
He has came clean because this is a new start for you it is hard to live with but you either do or you leave.
I have had to put up with my husband going with other women and not so nice women either and far more than what your hubby's had!
It is hard to live by you cannot quite believe they could lie and be so deceitful to you to look you in the face and blatantly lie to you to me takes a selfish man in his element.
Your husband probably used the time you were apart with these women just for sex it meant nothing most men who use women for this reason do not have a problem doing it and for you and i it is something we just could not do to or other half i think something in men can separate both the sex part with strangers and the love for their wife!
I know it took me a long time to adjust to this way of thinking but they do and it will take a while for you to trust him because he has lied and telling you it was nothing as if to sort of justify it!
Only you will be able to decide if you can stay and make this work it is a blow to the heart when this happens and we need to be patient with ourselves in order to heal.
If he promises to be with you and only you and does all he can now to make you feel reassured that he means that then i see no reason why you two cannot make a go of this i wish you well.
Ginalolabridga
A
female
reader, Miss Potter +, writes (10 December 2008):
 And why did he have to tell you this now? To make himself feel better or make you feel bad? I dont really know...
It doesn't really matter what happened ten years ago, you were on your break and he slept with someone else. Happens. And he didnt want to mess things up when he got back together with you, so he lied.
I dont really get the part where you say that he loved you so much he couldnt get an erection not sure how does that work...
I have to agree that when you love someone you dont go sleeping around but then again that depends on what was your agreement during the break.
Besides he was young and so this is how he had his "fair" share of experience.
I wouldn't dwell on this too much unless he has told you this on purpose to get you upset, so in this case we are reading between the lines - he isnt happy with the relationship?
Hope this helps x
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