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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi Everyone,I'm best mates with this girl, shes seeing this guy who is awful and has cheated around 16 times on her and is just horrible.She wont leave him because "she loves" him, shes 14, he's 17 and im 14 too. She lost her virginity to him and he is just using her for the sex.It breaking her apart, its made her into the most introvert person i know. I need someone to help me, help her throught this, she evens talks of ending her life.It gets worse, I think i love her too. Shes my everything and were sooo close, but i know she doesnt feel the same, even though ive never told her how i really feel, but i know your all gonna be like "he's 14, he's just got a crush" but ive liked her for years, and when a boy and girl are so close as friends for such a time im bound to feel something.Do you all think i should forget about my feelings for her?I pray to god everynight, just hoping and praying that one day we'll start a family together...but theres another problem...Her: beautiful, gorgeous.Me: ugly. fat.Thanks for your replies
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): firstly you shouldnt be saying that your ugly and fat. if you are very overweight try and loose the weight by exercising. you should have motivation to do it, you should do it for her. you apparently say your ugly (doubt you are). speaking from my personal experience, that can change in very short space of time when your young, so i wouldnt worry about it. as for this girl, really its up to realise that her bf isnt rite for her, all you can do is be there for her and listen (very important). try not to tell her your own opinion about the situation unless she asks... hope things work out for you
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (31 August 2006):
 You are not 'fat and ugly'...you just THINK you are. At 14 lots of people aren't looking their best! Hormones and all that...you think this girl is 'beautiful and gorgeous'...but you are looking through loved up, rose coloured spectacles. Lets face it, her looks haven't brought her happiness have they? You have probably heard of that old saying...you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink! That is the situation you are in at the moment. This girl maybe moaning about her boyfriend and maybe he is a cockroach...but it is up to her to change, take control and be strong enough to leave him. No amount of you saying that will change things. If you tell her to leave him then she may end up not liking you very much thinking you have manipulated the situation for your advantage (people in a break up are all angry and confused and sometimes look for others to blame). She is not going to commit suicide - people who threaten suicide rarely go ahead and do it. All you can do is sit back and listen to her when she is complaining about this lad, and when she reaches the stage when she has had enough of him (or he dumps her) then you can be a 'good friend' then. Confessing your feelings when she is in a confused state is probably not a good idea. Even if she accepted your feelings and started a relationship with you instead then you couldn't be sure you wouldn't be 'rebound guy' - you sound like a really nice fella so don't settle for that kind of relationship (get someone who likes you for 'you' as a first choice); if you really like her then wait it out until she dumps Mr Cockroach of her own free-will and you know she is single. By then, your feelings may have changed towards her or she may reject your romantic intentions but at least it won't be complicated at that stage.
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A
female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (31 August 2006):
 Oh hunny do not put yourself down so much. It doesn't matter what you look like, Its what your like inside that counts. I don't think that it is a good idea to tell your girl mate how you feel at the moment because I think all she needs right now is a friend. You need to help her realise that her boyfriend is using her and is also breaking the law by sleeping with her as she is underage. She may think she loves him as she lost her virginity to him. Help her to realise that she is better off without him. Offer to take her out and have some fun that doesn't involve her boyfriend. She will break up with him sooner or later and when she does you will have to be a shoulder to cry on. Leave things to dye down for a while, until she is over this bloke and then tell her how you feel. You might be suprised and find that she feels the same. But remember all she needs at the moment is your help and support. goodluck
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