A
male
age
30-35,
*octor Dave
writes:Hi all,I'm looking to try and find a way through a recent break up, a very long and painful one so far, I love her with all my heart, and thought she did too, turns out I was very wrong, her actions spoke a lot louder than words, which in the end turned me in to a monster. now I am full of remorse, guilt, anger, hate, and mask this all up with a brave face and lots of alcohol.Nothing is making me feel better. Help me please. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Doctor Dave +, writes (13 June 2011):
Doctor Dave is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks all that have answered, I have taken a leaf from every comment here, and will try to put them to practice. Thanks very much for all your kind words, support and guidance, very much appreciated. x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): Of course nothing is making you feel better, you've turned to alcohol as an escape. How are you supposed to deal with your emotions when you're drinking yourself numb?
First things first stop drinking. It's okay to have one big blow out just after a break up to get it out of your system but you don't get over someone by trying to hide your feelings and then drinking to numb the pain. It will still be there OP and you're only going to add more problems to this because you're in no state to drink and have fun.
Dave alcohol is great for enhancing a good time it won't solve problems.
Get rid of the alcohol and get rid of this brave face bullshit. Go to your friends and talk, cry, pour your heart out. The only place you should put on a brave face is in work where that kind of things is inappropriate.
NO MORE DRINKING! I had a friend who turned to alcohol to get over a break up, it took him 2 years and a massive mess of a life to stop and you know what he found? He still had to deal with the break up, 2 years later he still had to deal with the break up like it only happened yesterday because he turned to drink and tried to escape the pain instead of dealing with it head on.
Dave break ups are on the most painful things we will ever have to deal with in our lives only the death of a loved one is worse and they are actually pretty similar experiences. But it fades in time, it's not always this painful and you will get through it but not by drinking.
Time to man up Dave, time to deal with this the way we all do by talking it out with friends, crying our eyes out and letting the pain run its course. You can't escape this man, the more you try the worse it will get because if you try and push this out of your head it will invade your dreams, the longer you ignore this, the more you fight it the worse it will get. It will not go away like that. You have to embrace the pain, accept it, let your mind go over all those painful details over and over again until it burns itself out. That's how our mind deals with loss. I know the hellish nightmare of having the same incidents play over and over again, I know the agony of being constantly reminded of little things you should have, could have, would have said/did that may have changed how things went. Believe it or not Dave that's actually a good thing, that is the healthy way of dealing with this.
Get rid of the drink, don;t get in contact with her, remove all reminders of her from your life and go spend time with your friends. Don't try and stop your brain from thinking about her, just let it happen, in few weeks things will be less painful, in a few months the pain should be all but gone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): she's not worth you messing up your life for herthere are better girls out there and you'll find her as clearly she wasnt for you dont mess everything up as that just shows you're weak. show her that you dont need her :) hope this helps and good luck x
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Hi,I wasn't going to answer, because I don't have a straight answer to give you. I know its hard, painful, makes you angry, hurtful, disappointed. You have all these mix emotions and we all know them too well. You have the right to feel this way, to be angry, become a monster, do whatever its takes and whatever you have to do to grief. You have to let all these feelings out in order to start the healing process. Good thing is that you are aware that you're not being nice to yourself. Meaning, drinking? Whatever you have to do, I just hope you "don't take too long until is too late for you to have the power to control yourself. Good news: will get better, everything you're feeling now will fade away. But, how fast depends on you. Its up to you to decide how long you want to be in pain and agony. Nothing is easy, you have to push yourself. You're the only one that can control your mind. Stop negative thoughts, keep yourself busy. Its all in your head. I know every where you go, everybody you see, you feel like the people can see your pain? NO! Its all in your mind. Take this experience as a positive opportunity to give time for yourself. To discover new things about you, new hobbies, make new friends, maybe spend more time w/family, people that love you and you never care or took the time to appreciate. The world is yours, thousands of people, plenty of opportunities, its up to you. Remember, you're not alone. Remember, you have only one chance in life and make the best of it and no regrets. Stop drinking, take a shower, eat good food, take care of yourself and you'll start feeling good again...*Been through moms passing *Bestfriend of 10 years betrayal Still here :-)Good luck!Feel better soon!
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Well you're asking for help, by doing so you do recognize that you are on a path of self destruction. You will have to ask yourself how you lived before this relationship. If you were drinking and hating and full of anger before you met her. Then you have a problem. If this is a new lifestyle for you, you'll have to learn to acceptance, and maybe that is all that this past relationship was meant to teach you.
Do you always get your way? Do you always aim to win? Maybe you're a perfectionist and lose will feel very uncomfortable.
Or maybe you think you were blind sided by your heart versus her actions that just didn't match the love you had for her.
It happens. Love is blind and than someone turns the lights on. Usually it's when we are not getting our needs met. If this is the case can you meet your own needs? Often depending on our views on love and how we learned to love in our toddler years is how we approach it in our futures. For some it's the peace train for others the crazy train. It's usually helpful to discover how we learned to love in the wee years that dictate how we will attain and love in our adult life.
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