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Help with friends with benefits and my heart

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 March 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 16 March 2015)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So I've been hooking up with this guy for almost 3 months at least once a week and two weeks ago I came to realize I have a crush on him. It's more of a territorial and I get jealous at the idea of him hooking up or seeing another woman. I've been able to in the past to keep the emotions out of this type of relationship but he just wowed me and caught me somehow.

So the question is how to tell him that I make a crush and should we then end this or keep at it. (I know also need to ask what he wants). Or should I even go there?

And what got me thinking is a day ago he posted a #WCW taged her and said "so beautiful I can't wait to help her with her fitness goals". And it wasn't me.

View related questions: crush, jealous

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (16 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntThe minute one of the partners in an FWB starts to fall that is the time to end it or ask them what they want.

IF you ask him he will probably say "i'm not sure" or something to keep you on the line till he's caught the beautiful one with her fitness goals...

protect your heart. end it now. IF he asks why tell him the truth... you have started to care more than you want to and you know he does not reciprocate those feelings.

ANYTHING other than "yes I do" and I will prove it are just words... if he says he does.. then listen to his ACTIONS NOT his words but if he says he does I'd give him a chance... but if that's the case, then you stop having SEX until you are sure.

good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015):

You need to end this immediately and seek a man whose purpose is you and not your vagina.

FWB is a perverted phrase because the benefits in such relationship refers to the male not having to pay for sex. FWB is therefore seen by men as an arrangement in which the female is stupid enough not to charge for sex. I am sure that you feel otherwise and your question shows that you value yourself so please exit this relationship immediately because there is nothing that you can say to that man that will change his perception of you.

The fact that you originally agreed to the FWB with him has reduced your committnent value in his eyes so the best thing to do is go away from him and never contact him.

He will obviously be persistent with all sorts of promises but all those sayings will be by design in order to woo you back into an arrangement such that he does not have to pay for sex.

I'm just sharing facts about FWB and please do not be offended that... but being a man I've seen how guys view them, how they behave in them and I find FWB an awful arrangement for women and no female should ever be involved in one.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015):

I think you should end it right away. FWB is unhealthy as it is, even more unhealthy when feelings are involved.

You could say, "I have developed a crush on you and I don't think it is healthy since we are just FWB so I feel we should end things and just be friends. Are you okay with that?"

If he has feelings for you as well he will let you know because he has nothing to lose, he will already know your feelings. There is no need to ask him. If he doesn't say it, then he does not have feelings for you. You should prepare yourself for the good chance he won't feel the same way about you.

If he does not feel the same way, do not contact him again, and when you see him be nice and don't ever make a big deal about it. If he contacts you be friendly.

The last thing you should do is get upset or make him feel uncomfortable in any type of way because that will make you look bad.

I really hope you make this your last FWB.

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