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Help me deal with my provoking ex!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 July 2018) 6 Answers - (Newest, 20 July 2018)
A male United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

My ex broke up with me a few months ago and we were together for almost 3 years, but since she broke up with me she has been trying to make me jealous or intentionally hurt and/or provoke me.

I dont know what to do, I know she is into me but she continues to act so irrational and stupid and its messing with me :(

Ive been up front and told her I care about her but its all just so silly. Im losing my mind. Please help.

View related questions: broke up, jealous

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (20 July 2018):

Honeypie agony auntThanks of the update, OP

If she does have some kind of personality disorder or is EXTREMELY emotional it might also be why she is acting this way.

She wants to move on, but don't want YOU to move on. Hence why she keeps pestering you. It's a LOOK AT ME!!

But definitely shot it down. Don't feed her the attention she craves from you(be it positive or negative)- at some point, HOPEFULLY, she will see that you don't play her games.

And lastly, OP you can love someone and NOT be a good fit.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (19 July 2018):

N91 agony auntWhy did you break up?

It seems a little odd that SHE would initiate the breakup and then continue to try and pester you.

The best thing to do here? Move on with your life. Let her play her childish games. She won’t do it anymore if it’s not having any effect. Block all of her contact, if you’re checking up on her then stop it immediately.

Accept things are over and begin to move on. The thing that will bug her the most is seeing that you’re over her. The mere fact that you’ve broken up shows that she’s not the one for you. You’re a very young man, you have plenty of time to find someone else. I’m sure this won’t be your first or last breakup so get your chin up and crack on.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2018):

Thank you for the advice everyone. I am not actually 16, so sorry for the mistake.

I will consider everything and believe most of it is really good advice.

No I did not cheat, I may have hurt her but she has always been overly emotional which causes stress for myself. I've since suspected she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I still love her regardless but dont think we are good together.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (19 July 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWell, you've probably worked out for yourself by now that you cannot control what she does. Your strength lies in how YOU react. Also, important fact: YOU are responsible for your reactions.

She sounds quite immature and will be doing these things for attention and for a reaction. If you stop giving her what she wants, she will eventually stop doing what she is doing as it will be pointless. Try to ignore or laugh at her actions rather than getting mad/upset. This will not only discourage her from what she is doing but will also give YOU control of the situation and of your feelings.

I suspect, however, that you are actually yearning for ANY attention from her. Perhaps you could have a conversation with her and say something along the lines of "Listen, I still care for you. If you want us to be in a relationship, then I am willing to give it another go. If not, then you need to move on and leave me alone."

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (19 July 2018):

You takeaway the power someone has over you by learning how to ignore them and shut them out.

If you're following her on social media; you're probably keeping track of every move she makes. By doing that, you give her the opportunity to show-off just for your sake.

Block and delete her from everything. Mind your own business; and you can put your nosy jealous little mind at ease.

There is a lesson to be learned here. People can only play head-games and will mess with your feelings; if they know you're watching. It really works best, when you're constantly viewing them on social media; and don't try to ignore it. They will try and embarrass you by showing-off in-front of everyone you know. Laugh it off! That takes the sting out of it.

The more you insist on checking her out, you are playing on your own mind. Until it starts to become psychologically difficult to handle it. That's the point!

It's about letting go and moving on. If someone wants to breakup with you; you've got to set them free. That also means setting yourself free as well. You set your mind on accepting that they don't want to be with you anymore. Continuously hoping they'll change their mind and comeback will torture you. Snooping around in her business gives her a chance to freak you out.

You have to ignore gossip you hear about her, don't talk about her to your friends; and make sure you can't see her and she can't see you on social media. Give your brain a rest.

You also have to man-up a little bit, and not be a wimpy baby over a girl. She has moved on. So should you.

If you're going to date at 16, you have to show some maturity.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 July 2018):

Honeypie agony auntBlock & delete her on everything.

If you share a social circle of friends avoid the group events SHE partakes in for a while and stick to some hang out with a single or two friends.

If your friends want to talk to you about or gossip - tell them to just drop it - you don't want to know.

There is really nothing you can do OP as you CAN NOT control her, and her immature actions.

She KNOWS that you still care and for whatever reason she feels entitled to hurt you as much as possible.

Now, is she taking revenge on you? Did you cheat? If so, well then she is not only petty but hurt as well.

The more you let her roam around your heart, head and life - the more power you give her to hurt you. CUT her off.

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